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My mom hates my family . . . .

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:19 AM
  • 20 Replies

My mother hates my family. My Dad and Mom were never married and they split when I was 2. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers from my dad and I am my moms only child. Now of my 5 siblings only one is younger than I am. That means that the other 4 were already born when my mom and dad got together. She never introduced me to my half brothers and sisters as a child and when my dad tried to introduce me to my younger sister when I was 14 she forbid me to go. Well now that I am grown I have met and started relationships with my willing siblings. (My eldest brother doesn't want to have anything to do with us or my dad) My only other brother passed away this past week and we all attended the funeral. My mother said that I cannot talk to her about my dad because she is just done with him. She also does not want to hear anything about my siblings. Now this is in addition to the fact that she cannot get along with my husband so I do not speak to her about him either. At this point we are running out of things to say. The only reason that I still speak to her is because she is my mom. Truly the relationship is rather toxic and I am tired of the arguing. Should I just cut her off? She has ridiculous expectations of me and my grandmother has been gone for almost 2 years now and she has yet to put a marker on her grave. It breaks my heart considering that she left her and my uncle over 10,000 dollars a piece and a house that was paid for. I know that she is my mom but I just feel like I need some space. Should I limit our contact at least for a while until I feel better about it?

by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ff-princess
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:31 AM

I would.  what kind of mother rules out 80% of conversational topics because she's still throwing a hissy fit (how many years later!?!?!?!) about a man.

FrogSalad
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:44 AM

 

Quoting ff-princess:

I would.  what kind of mother rules out 80% of conversational topics because she's still throwing a hissy fit (how many years later!?!?!?!) about a man.

Agreed.

If she wants to be a lonely old woman that's her choice.  You're and adult and  have your own family now and it's not fair of her to set all the rules of engagement for your conversations.  Maybe the occasional superficial email is the way to go for the time being.  This is what I have to do with my father, btw.

krystlewv
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:45 AM
I would just do what my heart says. It sounds like you already know what to do. Just limit the space, she will come to you if she needs to. Are you putting most of the effort forth in the relationship or is she?
mcnattmom
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:53 AM


Quoting krystlewv:

I would just do what my heart says. It sounds like you already know what to do. Just limit the space, she will come to you if she needs to. Are you putting most of the effort forth in the relationship or is she?

I am the one putting forth the effort but it is to keep the peace. If I don't make a big event of holidays and her birthday for her she will fuss at me and tell me how horrible of a daughter I am.

Guinevere168
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:53 AM

I cut off contact with my mother for a month until she came to her senses regarding her bipolar illness and a very toxic/bad man she was dating at the time. I did it for me, because I needed the space. We are quite close now, and she is properly medicated and level/steady.

She still dates jerks, but we don't really talk about that much. :)

jenmatt451
by on May. 2, 2010 at 10:56 AM

Wow, that's a tough one.  I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  If the relationship is toxic and it really sounds like it is, why hurt yourself further.  Not to mention the things it will teach your children.  I think in the future they would understand your reasonings for ending the relationship much easier than the heartache it will cause them now if the relationship continues.  I know it will be hard now, but in the future, it will have all been worth it.  Good luck to you!

mumsy2three
by Shauna on May. 2, 2010 at 11:29 AM

I would limit my time with her. If that doesn't work than I would just stay away. It's hard because she is your mom however if the relationship is toxic and there is nothing healthy about it, why stay in it?

Nightshadeisis
by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:39 AM

She IS your mama.  That counts for something when it comes to her.  HOWEVER, when it comes to relationships with ANYONE...trust me, I have learned from experience that if all it does is make you feel worse, stress you, or leave you feeling worthless about your life, then it is time to get away from that as quickly as your legs can carry you.  If it makes you miserable, that miserable will translate eventually into your relationship with your husband and childen, and in turn make THEM miserable.  I doubt that you want that.

 

Shaye_e
by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:52 AM

I agree with the PPs... limit contact with her. She is your mom, but she shouldn't dictate your life. Your siblings are YOUR siblings. They should be seen as loving people in your life, not people to hate just because they are related to your dad. If she can't respect you and the life/relationships you have built for yourself, you don't have to respect her opinion.

DessC
by on May. 2, 2010 at 11:55 AM

 I would sever ties with her, you nor your family need the stress and toxic feelings that the relationship brings. Good Luck!

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