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I miss my friend..*kinda long*

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:10 AM
  • 10 Replies

Okay...my friend Tim and I have been best friends for 14 years. During this time he was an alcoholic...you would never know talking to him that he had just gulped down two 12 packs. Well... He started getting sick ...ended up in the hospital twice. He recently got married...and decided to make a change...

He was starting to get sober, but doctors told him that he couldnt do it alone...he would have to be supervised medically because his heart isnt doing so well ( he is only 32 ). His liver is really bad as well so the medications he can take are very limited.

Any way one day he told me that he was going to do this alone ....his wife would help him if need be. I freaked out. I called his wife and told her to get his butt into a rehab center so that he can get through this the right way. She acted like I was psycho and got a huge attitude with me.

I like his wife...she is usually a sweetheart and we have talked on several occasions.

His wife then tells me that Tim has a plan with his doctor in place for sobering up.

So basically Tim lied to me about the plan...and it made me look like a psycho...and I was soo mad, because he had NEVER lied to me before...in 14 years..not once did he lie. I told him never to speak to me again....

He still does not awknowledge he lied to me.

I miss him very much...we havent spoken in almost 4 months...

Should I make amends or should I walk away ?

sad

~ Michelle

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by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krystlewv
by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:25 AM

You have to be careful with this. You just cant insert yourself in someones life no matter how close you are with them. He lied to you for a reason (granted, it still was a lie). It might have not been the right thing to do but he did it. As far as him telling you one thing, and doing another thats up to him. His wife might have thought you were interfering. Alcoholicism is a touchy subject, my husband and I both go to AA. He used to drink, I done drugs.

I dont think you done the wrong thing by calling her, I do think you may have jumped the gun a little but I understand that you want whats best for your friend.

I hope he gets the help he needs, the safest help.

As far as reconciling thats really up to him. You can put yourself out there and be available for him. I hope it all works out for you.


Shellness
by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:27 AM

I would just give it some more time and try to find out through the wife maybe? how he is doing, and keep him in your prayers.

Wish2Be
by on May. 26, 2010 at 9:33 AM

I try to find out through his other close friend whats going on, but even she and I havent spoken in a couple months due to our busy schedules...

zmama22
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:10 AM

i'm not sure what the lie is - did he lie because he said he was doing it on his own, then you found out he was doing it with a doctor?

one of my BFF is a guy, and my experience is they get over arguments quick and don't hold grudges. and guys don't share every detail with you like a woman would. they say the least possible to end a conversation they don't want to have. and they definitely don't want to talk about a problem they can't solve right away.  step up and apologize.

and btw - be careful with your communications with his wife. it's a touchy area. he tells me stuff he wouldn't tell his wife because we've been friends for 20 years.i only do casual conversation with my BFF's wife because i don't want her thinking i'm trying to take over in any way. i wouldn't call her questioning her husband's choices.

singlemomof2nok
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:16 AM

 From what you have posted, I didn't take what he said as a lie, I took it to mean that he wasn't going into rehab.  That doesn't mean he didn't have his doctor on board.  I think you took it wrong because of your concern for him.  I agree with PP that guys generally get over an argument pretty quick.  But if you are expecting an apology from him, you are going to be waiting a while.

Wish2Be
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:47 AM

 

Quoting zmama22:

i'm not sure what the lie is - did he lie because he said he was doing it on his own, then you found out he was doing it with a doctor?

Yes this is the lie....

one of my BFF is a guy, and my experience is they get over arguments quick and don't hold grudges. and guys don't share every detail with you like a woman would. they say the least possible to end a conversation they don't want to have. and they definitely don't want to talk about a problem they can't solve right away.  step up and apologize.

and btw - be careful with your communications with his wife. it's a touchy area. he tells me stuff he wouldn't tell his wife because we've been friends for 20 years.i only do casual conversation with my BFF's wife because i don't want her thinking i'm trying to take over in any way. i wouldn't call her questioning her husband's choices.

I was soo concerned about his health that it freaked me out to think that he would do it alone. Alone usually means by yourself ( not with a doctor ). He and I are very emotionally impulsive....so yes...I might have over reacted, but I wouldnt have if he had been straight with me.

She was the only person I could talk to about this, so I went to her. She knows how much we care about each other AS FRIENDS. He is all the way in PA and I am in FL. The only way that I could get him some help is by lighting a fire under her butt so she could see the issue for its seriousness. I had to call her....there was nothing else I could do... *sighs*

 

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mlg871
by on May. 26, 2010 at 10:58 AM

Honestly it seems kind of silly to me to throw away 14 years of friendship over something so trivial.  Maybe at that time he decided he was, maybe he was jsut thinking outloud.  With everything going on at that moment who knows what was going on in his head, you know?  

I would let it go... call his wife up and ask how he is doing.  I'm sure he would really appreciate your concern. 


 

Wish2Be
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:08 AM

Its an insane reason to let go of 14 years.... *cries*

 

 

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owensmom34
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:33 AM

I would be there to support him because you have invested 14 years of friendship, but I would also be careful on overstepping boundaries with his wife and what he wants to share with you.  I would just tell him that you are there for him if he needs someone to talk to.

Wish2Be
by on May. 26, 2010 at 11:36 AM

 

Quoting owensmom34:

I would be there to support him because you have invested 14 years of friendship, but I would also be careful on overstepping boundaries with his wife and what he wants to share with you.  I would just tell him that you are there for him if he needs someone to talk to.

 No matter what I am not going to let him kill himself.....he could die from detox! I cant just say I am here for you no matter what you decide...if its going to kill him. Thats all I had to go on....I didnt find out till later that he had a plan with his doctor.

I felt like I hat NO other choice...

I wouldnt normally attack his wife...I swear.

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