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Sil vent

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM
  • 53 Replies

I dont know how to deal with this. My husband's sister Ana is...... difficult to say the LEAST and out right irresponsible to way the worst. They have 4 kids: twins who are 7, a daughter who is 4 and a son who is 3 months old. They never I mean NEVER keep their house clean. When they come to our house to play with Eve & Harrison the kids are always commenting on how clean and nice our house is. They are the sweetest kids ever. The twins being so close in age to Eve are always playing with her (they are both girls) but the thing is, they are never clean. They always have stained clothes, clothes the smell like cat pee and other odd things. I know it must be very hard to keep a house in order with four kids but.... Ana just doesnt CARE. About a month ago the twins and the 4 year old came to spend the weekend with us so we could give Ana & Matt time to themselves with the new baby. Well... the lil girl smelled "down there" like she hadnt had a bath or been cleaned properly in some time. I asked one of the girls when was the last time that their lil sister had a bath and they said they honestly didnt know!

I dont know what to do ladies. I am honestly at a loss :(

 

by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
singlemomof2nok
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:18 PM

 Have you tried talking to her about it?  Does their pedi not say anything to her?

Shellness
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:20 PM

Ask your huband to speak to her, or,

go to her house and help her out. Do some laundry, give the kids a bath, wash some dishes. Tell her you want to come over to do a house over day once a week with her to help her out because you know she has her hands full and your daughter can visit with her cousin at the same time.

janice.leanne23
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:23 PM


Quoting singlemomof2nok:

 Have you tried talking to her about it?  Does their pedi not say anything to her?


This is my other "issue" with them. They dont believe in seeing pedi's or any doctors at all. She had two midwife appointments with each of her pregnancies INCLUDING the twins :( she had to deliver the twins in a hospital but she checked herself out 24 hours after wards (vaginal delivery no complications) and then came to get the girls when they were released. None of them have had any vaccinations. They dont believe in medicine. Its frustrating.

I asked her about it and she said that "they are cleaned by nature" she lets them bathe in the friggin pond in their backyard

Javagirl1118
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:28 PM

Sounds like it could be a cultural thing... is Ana American? At this point you can do it yourself, or call CPS. What does the school say? I know when my autistic son was having trouble getting himself clean after using the bathroom the teachers mentioned it to me.

lvmisnenes
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:28 PM

 What does your husband say?  I never had those types of issues with my SIL and her kids (b/c she's a bit like this too) but on things that I saw when her girls came over, I would mention to my husband. 

For example, one of the girls had really bad ecsema (sp?) to where her sores were always open and bleeding.  I mentioned it to him and he said something to her and come to find out she just didn't have the $$ to buy the medication and only used the sample from the pedi office, but the important thing is that we were able to get her her medicine and she got better.

I know this is totally different but there could be a million reasons why this is happening...post partum dep, she needs help with the  kids, or maybe you're right and she just doesn't care...in which case someone needs to advocate for these poor children!  At this point the little girl that hasn't had a bath could potentially have a yeast infection for all you know...its possible...

Please keep us posted...hugs

ame4c
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:29 PM

 IDK, If you saw my house you would probably say the same, I do make sure my kids bath though, even if I have to chase them in there or ground them if they don't.  I have 5 kids and 4 of them are teenagers.  You would think this would allow you to have a cleaner house, but NOT SO MUCH!  I am also a working mother, so after 60 hrs of working a week, that leaves little time to clean or time to feel like cleaning.  I can't afford a cleaning lady, not that one would come to my house anyway.  It's frustrating.

The bath thing, kids don't remember those things.  If it is a constant problem though you might need to say something.  But don't jump to judge someone before you've walked in their shoes. Twins can be exhausting to deal with and sometimes there are more important things than a clean house, like are they getting the love they deserve?

I'm not saying something couldn't be wrong here, but don't jump to conclusions.

     ame4c


Please check out my group:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/Moms_from_Dysfunctional_Families


 

ame4c
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:31 PM

 

Quoting Shellness:

Ask your huband to speak to her, or,

go to her house and help her out. Do some laundry, give the kids a bath, wash some dishes. Tell her you want to come over to do a house over day once a week with her to help her out because you know she has her hands full and your daughter can visit with her cousin at the same time.

 This is a good idea, but I would ask her if she would like help, because frankly, I don't like people to help me clean my house (IDK guess it's a pride thing, its not that I don't appreciate it because I do)

     ame4c


Please check out my group:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/Moms_from_Dysfunctional_Families


 

CoachyMom
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:32 PM

 Call CPS!  This is NEGLECT!

ame4c
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:35 PM

 

Quoting janice.leanne23:


This is my other "issue" with them. They dont believe in seeing pedi's or any doctors at all. She had two midwife appointments with each of her pregnancies INCLUDING the twins :( she had to deliver the twins in a hospital but she checked herself out 24 hours after wards (vaginal delivery no complications) and then came to get the girls when they were released. None of them have had any vaccinations. They dont believe in medicine. Its frustrating.

I asked her about it and she said that "they are cleaned by nature" she lets them bathe in the friggin pond in their backyard

 Oh wow, I wouldn't let my kids play with hers then... I don't mean to be rude, but dang no vaccinations can be harmful to your family as well as hers.  Is she expecting them to go to public school because they will require the kids to be vaccinated and at 5 yrs old they will have to have a butt load of shots.  That is just WRONG.

Maybe you could look up an article on what all is in that pond water she is letting her kids bath in... geez.  Do they use soap??? I have seen some customs not use soap too and they are the smelliest people.  EWWW.

     ame4c


Please check out my group:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/Moms_from_Dysfunctional_Families


 

janice.leanne23
by on May. 26, 2010 at 12:36 PM

I understand twins are exhausting but I mean really. Last time I went over there (about a week ago) there were rat droppings on the floor! There is always some sort of bug crawling somewhere. Its not so much about the chaos its the fact that she just doenst care. She's american but she is very natural in her ways. I have nothing wrong with this and I myself if I ever have a child will do selective vaccination.

Its not so much that the girls forget they are the ones who REMIND ana that they have to take baths and they have both said on several occasions that "mommy says we dont need to take baths because nature makes us clean" Im sorry but ya need soap! I have talked to my husband and he's tried talking to Matt (Ana's husband) and Ana herself. Ana just says that her kids are fine and dont need help.

I have tried going over there and helping her out but she refuses. If I try to wash clothes she yells at me saying that I dont know how to do it and i use "chemicals" when she uses mother nature. They have working water but have never used their washing machine

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