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Single moms ...

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:04 PM
  • 10 Replies

My husband and I are having some issues and I am preparing for a possible future of being a sinle mom f three kids and was wandering is there anything I need to repare for incase we decided to call it quits ?

by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:04 PM
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Christy78
by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:10 PM

 

    Not sure what to tell you. as for me I take one day at a time.   Like I have a list of Chores I do daily and when to to them.  Since I cut the grass I wait uintil my 5 yr old take her nap . 

gabbyem22
by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:10 PM

I would say, prepare for alot of stress, alot of fun, and actually enjoying your little ones when you have them.  Prepare for arguments regarding visitation and child support for the first year or so.  (My SO and I are still friendly, but we argue about this alot).  Before you split, I would recommend discussing with your DH how you talk about each other in front of the children, eating habits and the use of sweets and chocolates (in my experience children can use this as a bargaining tool against parents, and parents will give it out freely because they feel guilty about not being with the child's parent). 

I enjoy being a single parent much more than I ever enjoyed being with her dad.  I'm less stressed.  If at all possible, I would make friends with other single moms (this is good for vacationing so you don't have to go by yourself) as well as having someone to relate to.  I would also purchase whatever drink you enjoy the most with some bubble bath so you can relax when dad has them:)

mrswillie
by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:14 PM

Good luck.  I was a single parent for many years.  It is tough. although rewarding. I always said the best think my ex-husband gave me was the ability to stand on my own to feet.  best advice I can give...at that point...your kids are number one, no matter how much it will hurt dh.  YOU NEED CHILD SUPPORT.  I know it will probably be a rough time for you, many sleepless nights, crying eyes, etc. Hold your kids and you first.  Also remember, just because you and dh aren't making it, doesn't mean kids and dh won't.  They need mommy & daddy also.  Stay strong.  Their is a group...I believe nation wide, Parents Without Partners.  It's great!  it will give you support as well as you kids.

mcfaddenkids
by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:17 PM

I thought I would be more prepared than I was before I left my ex-husband, I knew in my mind that it would mean I would be a single mom, but when the time actually came, it was a whole different story. There are definitely more pro's than con's. Hopefully you two can be civil and not have a legnthy expensive custody battle. I know in my situation it has definitely been the best choice I have ever made, but my circumstances were pretty extreme. 

If dad's not very involved be prepared for lots of quality time with your kids. I haven't had a weekend without mine yet.

megafine
by on May. 26, 2010 at 7:26 PM

I was a single mom for a time, and it's tough.  But, for me it was WORTH IT! I don't know your situation, but my ex was incredibly controlling and really messed my head up.  (He still tries to control me)

I made the mistake of not getting as much child support as I could out of my ex.  He was incredibly good at guilt trips.  So definately get as much child support and alimony as you can. 

Be prepared to share custody of your children and talk to him about being at least civil to one another.  Be prepared for your children to be confused, and maybe angry.  Spend time with them and let them know from your actions that you are not leaving THEM.   

Find something you enjoy doing so you are not lonely when they are away.

Do not bring any men you're seeing around them.  At least not until it's so serious that you're at the let's get married point. 

 

Jodi_A
by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:18 PM

 I was scared to death when it became apparent that not only would I be a single parent, but that the ex was moving across the country so I had *NOBODY* to assist.  I have found that I am stronger than I knew, that my daughter is awesome, and that it's a lot easier with just me rather than having to make sure two people are on the same page about everything.  Honestly, it's easier than I thought, but certainly not EASY.  Lots of planning, lots of just letting things go (didn't vacuum this weekend?  oh well.  cereal for dinner? yum) and lots of bonding with my child.  I'm sorry you are at this point, but trust yourself and you'll do wonders.

jessicasmom1
by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:22 PM

Be prepared for exicted, happy, sad, confused mental states, think of your children and how you will have custody with their dad,  think of your income and the bills and make sure you will have enough to set aside for anything your children need.  Also, this may very well give your children mixed emotions. I am a single Mom cause my husband has passed away.  Also I am from a split childhood home.. Yes, agree with do not introduce any new man in your childrens life until you are sure HE is the one!

aprilaya
by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:33 PM

We have had some of these discussions I know he would be there for the children and will support them no matter what. I am atually thinking about moving cross country.. I know it may be stressful at first but I feel I was a new start a fresh outlook and I do have some family in that area. But I am unsure how that will affect my children's visitation wit htheir dad. He is millitary. He After talking he was thinking I will be whereever he is but with like a 2-4 hour distance  ???? Why would I do that yes I could say so he wcould see his kids but how can I live like that????

singlemomof2nok
by on May. 27, 2010 at 12:37 PM

 

Quoting gabbyem22:

I would say, prepare for alot of stress, alot of fun, and actually enjoying your little ones when you have them.  Prepare for arguments regarding visitation and child support for the first year or so.  (My SO and I are still friendly, but we argue about this alot).  Before you split, I would recommend discussing with your DH how you talk about each other in front of the children, eating habits and the use of sweets and chocolates (in my experience children can use this as a bargaining tool against parents, and parents will give it out freely because they feel guilty about not being with the child's parent). 

I enjoy being a single parent much more than I ever enjoyed being with her dad.  I'm less stressed.  If at all possible, I would make friends with other single moms (this is good for vacationing so you don't have to go by yourself) as well as having someone to relate to.  I would also purchase whatever drink you enjoy the most with some bubble bath so you can relax when dad has them:)

 This is really good advice.

 




 

knycthomason
by on May. 28, 2010 at 12:27 AM

 Financial and visitation and who has custodial of the children.  I know my ex rarely pays child support and never alimony and child support goes after him for the child support but he keeps getting away with pulling the wool over their eyes.  I dont know how or why.  We had to go back on foodstamps, afdc, wic and such.  I would say get an attorney and get everything documented just in case.

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