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Relationships with parents

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:25 PM
  • 10 Replies

My mother and I have never been super close so I will start with that.  My dad and I are super close though.  They are still married so that is what makes this a hard choice for me.

The last 4 years my relationship with my mom has seriously declined.  It's to the point now that I don't even want to speak to her because she is so fake.  She told my husband before he deployed that they would take care of me and the girls while he was gone.  When I would call and ask for a favor I always got some snide remark or was asked to pay gas money (they lived about 30 miles from my house) because it was a long drive.  I was pregnant with twins when he deployed (well, 2 weeks after he left I did IVF for friends of ours and carried their babies) so there were days I was so sick I had to be in the hospital the morning sickness was so bad.  After telling my husband they would take care of me they didn't at all.  Well, she didn't.  If I called my dad he came no questions asked and took the girls. 

They moved to where we were stationed after my fathers job transferred him from NC to FL.  Dad lived with us while mom stayed in NC to sell the house.  It was nice.  Dad and I looked for a house for them before she came down and we had picked out a couple we liked.  They were all around 1800sq ft.  She comes down and says they are all too small and ended up buying a 3500 sq ft house for the two of them!  WTF?  Now they are going broke and can't afford anything according to her.  Thats not relevent I guess....just a frustration I have with her. 

So anyway, she talks crap about my dads family behind their backs and then goes on facebook and tells them she loves them.  I am sick of her fake attitude.  She will do anything to make herself look good and I am sick of that too.  I do not want my kids exposed to someone like that.  If I cut her our of my life that will mean losing my dad too and I can't even stand the thought of that. 

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like that?  What did you do?  I am so torn over it.  I have spoken with my mother about it a few times but she denies acting that way.  I went 3 weeks without talking to her because I was tired of her telling us how to parent our children.  She told my dad what was going on and he called and said until I talk to her not to call him.  UGH  I just don't know what the heck to do. 

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:50 PM

I am sorry. You are in a tough situation...I get along well with my parents but here is a bump for you...

by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 4:34 PM

 I don't know, I've got my own issues with my parents that are similar to yours.  {{hugs}}

by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 5:33 PM

i'm sorry  that you're in a tough situation.. i get along great with my mom, i would say  "my parents" but my dad was never a "dad" to me so i don't count him as a parent.   i have the same situation with hubby's family as you do.  just  seems like everyone of them thinks what they want and they're always right on everything from his grandmother(god rest her soul) all the way down to his cousins.  the only thing i can say is "don't let her get to you" which i know thats hard to do and be strong.

by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 6:17 PM

 I know it may not be easy to hear but sometimes it is easier, healthier and just less stressful to let it be.  I know how you feel, my mother was the same way.  We didnt see eye to eye and she was never there for me like she was for my two younger sisters....but I will tell ya...she died suddenly and unexpectedly.  She was only 48.  Even tho she was the person who SHE was, more so she was my Mom.  And now I dont have her at all.  Try to look past on what she is doing, who she is doing it to and all that.  Even tho you tried talking to her, she's not gonna change.  I'll keep you in thoughts =)

By the way, I dont have my dad in my life either....he remarried years ago and decided his biological children are no longer a concern for him. 

by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 6:48 PM

Sorry my relationship with my Mother got better after I got married.  I've always had a good relationship with my dad.

by Gold Member on Jun. 28, 2010 at 7:16 PM

My mom split when I was 5 months old and then I was shipped to my dad's parents.  My grandparents were the ones that brought me up.  Growing up, I was told lies about my mom (of course I believed them) and she would contact me every 5 years, expecting me to act like she's been in my life forever.  My dad was in contact more but never really did the parent thing, even when I did live with him for a couple of years.

Now that I'm an adult, my mom has apologized and though our relationship still isn't a typical mom/daughter one, we have one.  I don't really have one with my dad.  He doesn't seem to get that he was never a father to me.

family in the van   Mom of four

by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 7:18 PM

 I say cacth her on video talking crap about everyone and show it to your Dad.

by on Jul. 21, 2010 at 9:26 PM

She really blew it with me last night and I am really pissed off! 

My dad's sister passed away early yesterday morning.  She had been in the ICU for over 2 weeks so we all kinda knew it was coming.  The family planned her funeral for today because my cousin is getting married this weekend and my other aunt needs to be back at her house in NC (aunt who passed away lived in VA) to prepare for the wedding and make the wedding cake for her daughter. 

Mom called me last night and said she was mad that they planned the funeral that quickly because dad barely had time to get a flight out.  She said they should have taken dad's arrangements into consideration when making plans for the funeral.  WTF?!  He made it with more than enough time to spare.  He could have even left this morning or he could have driven up there starting yesterday evening if he really needed to and still made it in time for the funeral. 

We just returned home from a "family" vacay at their house in FL and I could not get out of there fast enough.  Thank God I do not live near her anymore.  I am so over her self absorbed bullshit.  If it isn't about her she will damn sure make it about her in some way. 

by on Jul. 21, 2010 at 9:40 PM

i dont have a clue as to what to tell you but i hope you resolve your issues soon!hugs

by on Jul. 21, 2010 at 9:46 PM

I am sorry to hear about your situation, that is hard.  Have you just told her off??  I mean called her on her crap, esp in front of your dad?  I know that is probably something you don't want to do, but maybe this way she would listen to you and then you get your frustration and point out.

My mom and I had alot of issues, and because of finally telling her things about my marriage to my ex and going thru the divorce, we have gotten closer.  Granted I still get snide remarks and I just go, "mom really??  that was bitchy!" or something to that effect and she backs off. 

Good luck hun

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