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How Do You Keep Your Marriage a Priority with Two Small Babies

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:01 AM
  • 6 Replies

Okay, I love the advice I receive from this forum and it is much cheaper than counseling.  During our vacation, my husband and I realized that we weren't doing as great of a job as we believed in respect to nourishing our own relationship.  We seemed to put so much focus on raising two intelligent, sincere and confident boys that we don't have a lot of time for each other.  We were both very aware of the necessity of keeping our relationship a priority, but with two screaming babies it is often very easy to focus on those babies.  We feel refreshed from our trip and we were able to just hug and talk and renew our relationship but I am worried that we will fall off the path again.  We can't take week long trips every month so we need other options.  How do you maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse with the small amount of time you have together in the evenings and on the weekends (without breaking the bank with babysitting)? 



by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:01 AM
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by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:05 AM

It's hard with small kids.  They're very needy and demanding, lol. 

I'm a SAHM, so I clean and do that type of stuff during the day.  All while he's gone at work.  Then he'll call and tell me he's on his way home and if it's after 5, I'll start dinner, so it's ready when he gets home.  We'll all eat together (3 kids)

*ETA* hit the wrong button

We'll all eat together, clean up and just sit and hang out.  We'll hang out with the kids, but we'll also make sure we talk to each other, explain how our day was and so on.  Our kids also have a set bed time.  Right now it's later (8:30-9) because school is out, but during school it's earlier (7:30).  Then after they go to bed, we just sit together.  We'll talk or we'll watch movies or TV.  Sometimes, he'll play video games while I play on my laptop.  Either way, it's what WE want to do.

That's just our basic day.  You have to make time for yourselves and it is possible without a babysitter.  We don't have one and we don't live near any family, so we have to make do with what we have.

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 12:30 PM

Well finding a good babysitter does help, even once a month.  And you don't have to do anything expensive, take a walk around a local park, anything that's just you and hubby.  Also make sure the boys are on a good sleep schedual.  If they dont' have one, then you and hubby work together to put them on one, it's not always easy, but it's very important.  When you get the little ones to bed at a decent hour, then you and hubby have some time together.  You also need time for yourself.  It's harder when they are young, but very doable.  Best of luck

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 2:00 PM

We take the time to prepare dinners just for the two of us, even if it means we eat late, LOL. We usually feed the kids then put them to sleep a little earlier. That gives us a chance to have a meal without any interruptions.

Also, we noticed that we were spending a lot of time on electronics, i.e. TV, computer, cellphones, so we cut those out when he gets home from work and on weekends. We only use them if we have to or if we are not doing anything else. By cutting down our times watching TV, etc, it has given us more time to spend time together and talk. You really don't realize how much time you spend on those things until you don't have it! LOL!

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:54 PM

The early bedtime is very helpful, but we are usually so exhausted by that time that we can't focus to do much.  Thank you for the input.



by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:35 PM

We try to have a date night once a month.  My mother in law or my bro & wife will watch my girl overnight for no charge. On our date night we might go out  to dinner or with friends but most of the time we just come back home and enjoy some us time......I know your kids are young now but as they will become less dependant on you guys, giving you more quality time together again.  The nights that your are both exhausted are good nights to justt relax together in bed or where ever. Enjoy each others company and the closeness that is rare with kids around. Hang in there, it gets easier I think.

by on Jul. 13, 2010 at 7:39 AM

 I am in the same situation. My husband and I have began to drift apart..We have a 9 & 2 yr old. But we also have very busy schedule. Our boys have an early bed time of 8-9pm. This helps a little but it does not help when you wanna go out. We also have a calender that we make plans aleast twice a month. It really hard not to lose ourselves in raising our kids..Wishing you the best of luck. I deal with the same thing.

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