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Starting a family in your 30's.

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 7:12 AM
  • 76 Replies

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and have been talking about having kids.  He already has a 6 year old and would like him to eventually have a sibling.  We have decided to wait 2 or 3 more years to start a family because hubby is still in school and so am I.  I am worried about starting a family at the age of 32/33 because I feel like that is too old.  I am glad that I didn't have a child in my 20s but at the same time I feel as though I missed the kiddy boat and should just not have kids at all. As if that isn't enough, my husband has a Traumatic Brain Injury which already takes it toll on our relationship.  Thankfully he can function on his own but I know that another baby would be very stressful for him, despite what he says.  He can barely deal with my SS so I am worried about having to take on the bulk of the parenting if he becomes too stressed out. 

How many of you ladies started a family in their 30's?  What has your experience been like?

How many of you started a family in your 20s? What was that experience like?

Married (29), SS6, no bio kids
by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 7:12 AM
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by Member on Aug. 29, 2010 at 7:18 AM

We started our family when I was 23 and hubby was 25. We are now 32 and 34. We are trying for our fourth. I dont think it will be too late to have kids.Better late than never, right. My sister didn't have her first until she was 36.Good luck with whatever you decide.

by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 7:30 AM

Dh and didn't *really* have children until we were 33. We went through infertility for 7 years before going on Clomid. I got pregnant right away, but our dd Kahlan was stillborn at 36 weeks. We were 28 at the time. We knew that we wanted to adopt from China at the age of 16 so we decided that rather than get pregnant again, we would go forward with our plans to adopt. However, China law was not on our side... they had just changed their requirments from the age of 35 to 30....we had to wait 2 more years to begin the process. Long story short- we began the process for China 3 weeks before my 30th, but we couldn't send our dossier until that September when Dh turned 30 so we took our time. We waited 17 months to get the call- it came on 2/1/07...we left on 3/29/07 and came home on 4/14/07. I turned 32 just a mere 11 days after coming home. 8 months later we found out that I was pregnant with DD#3. She was born shortly after I turned 33.

Honestly, I am glad that we didn't have children so early into our marriage. We were HS sweethearts and when we got married DH was in the AF and we moved to ND for 4 years. We were mature enough, but definitely not financially ready. Dh has been out for 11 years and has a very good paying job and we are able to provide better than we could have all those years ago. We are both in great shape these days ( finally after huge weight losses) and we have more energy to play with the girls. ( Karli is 2 and Lilly will be 5 in November) I find that I am also much wiser and more apt to think things through in my mid 30's than I probably would have in my 20's. We have not really had many issues due to starting a family this wasn't by choice, but if we had not gone through so much so young we wouldn't be the parents that we are today.


by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 7:51 AM

I didn't have my dd until I was 34.  Part of the delay was due to my dh being involved in a terrible accident in his mid-20's and having to undergo multiple surgeries over several years.  He is now a SAHD. 

I will say that one area that I sometimes struggle with is that in my group of friends, some friends either had their kids in their 20's so their kids are quite a bit older than my dd, or other friends choose not to have children at all.  So I've been trying to meet other moms of toddlers but they all seems so much younger than me - lol!

by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:01 AM

i got married at 28, DH was 32 and 5yrs later, we had a baby girl so i was 33 at the time (DH 37).  i can tell you this:  i wish i had kids when i was younger and DH feels the same way.  when you're younger, your body bounces back easier (for the most part) and DH is almost 40 and we're flipping back and forth about having another child yet we feel that we'll be too old! 

but - having children is a huge step and changes your life completely.  if you are not ready to have children, then don't - wait until you feel at  least more than 50% ready (since you can never really be ready for kids).  although your DH already has a son, the newborn stage is tough.  i don't mean to scare you but i don't want to create any illusions either.  it's not like what you see in TV - baby eats and then angelically goes to sleep all night, is always cooing and smiling and poos sunshine and rainbows.  

having children is a blessing and you do really feel that you can't imagine your life without your children but it is tough and it will take some time to get to that point.

good luck with your decision.

by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:09 AM

I had my first at 30. Most of my friends already had at least 2 kids so I felt like I was starting late. My SO, who is older than me with two kids, was ready when I was. I don't know why I delayed really. The only thing I think about now is my window of opportunity for having kids being shorter because I waited. 

by Member on Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:16 AM
I had dd #1 at 31 and dd #2 at 33. Hubby was 37 and 39. I'm 34 and he is 40 now and we are thinking about a 3rd. :-).
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by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:17 AM
I had my dd at 33 and don't regret anything. We had no problems. We've been married for 9 years. We wanted to enjoy ourselves first.
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by Melissa on Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:19 AM
I did both, my daughter I had at 21, and my son I had at 31. I feel a lot closer with my son I think because I'm older. My daughter was easier though. We are kicking around having another but I don't want to yet but I do before I'm 35. 31 now so, I have a couple years. I guess I was 30 when I had DS. Lost track.
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by on Aug. 29, 2010 at 8:27 AM

I had my first and only so far 2 weeks before I turned 31.  I'm almost 32 and am still going to have another one.... probably start trying next year. Even though I am an older parent, I was well established first, I feel I am more responsible, being older I am able to be a SAHM. All the celebs wait until their 30's to have kids! Its perfectly normal now a days! The only complication I had was something that could happen to anyone and was not because of my age. I got pregnant immediately and had a great pregnancy! I would suggest trying before you are 35 as I know at that point the risk of complications and birth defects goes up.

by Linnette on Aug. 29, 2010 at 10:19 AM

I had Kyle when I turned 30 and honestly, I wanted to start having kids earlier in life.  But my husband wanted to wait.  Now we're running into the problem of me wanting to have one more baby and him not wanting another one and he just turned 38 so had we started younger, our ages wouldn't be a factor.  But life is what it's meant to be.  I say you should go with your heart and if you're waiting, then that's fine if that's the right thing for you.  Good luck and whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be right.

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