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Do you ever do the "What Ifs"

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:40 PM
  • 10 Replies

I have this friend I finally started talking to again after 9 years. I loved him and wanted to be with him in the worst way. He was my Best Friend for 8yrs but he got a girl pregnant in HS and her and I did not get a long at all. He was/is the Best Father to his daughter but every time he brought his daughter to my house when she was a baby when he told his Ex or if she would find out she would Threaten him with never being able to see his daughter again. I was not a stranger I have known the girl since she was in Kindergarten and the guy since we were 12 yrs old. I felt bad everytime he couldn't see his daughter because I was around or because he was with me so I broke everything off and dated other people. He and I stayed friends and I invited him to my Wedding but he never came and I never heard from him again until the past year when I found his Mom on Facebook (She loved me) I always regretted it because I truly loved him and I know he would have been an awesome Husband to me. My brain got in the way of my Heart. Not that I regret and not love the man I married or regret having my kids but there is always that What If.  It truly bugs me. My friend never got married, came close but the girl he was engaged to was terrible to him. His Ex became a Lesbian (I think she had a crush on me all those years LOL).

Do you ever do the What if to anything?



 


   

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
M4LG5
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:41 PM

I have a "what if" in my life.  We never really tried to have a relationship even though we should have despite leaving miles and miles apart.  Now, we are just friends.

Lisasmommy
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 6:45 PM

I used to have a what if. But now that my DH and I have worked out our issues, I only see my hubs when I think of my truely happy place. My Ex turned out to be an even bigger train wreck than he was 12 years ago. I'm very thankful to have not gone down that route now.

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Mar. 2, 2011 at 6:51 PM
I've done the what if before. The guy I was dating after I graduated high school was the what if. We dated for 5 years and I always wondered how things would have worked out had we stayed together.
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Firewoman33
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 6:55 PM

No. I truly belive things happen for a reason. 

mrswillie
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 7:03 PM

When my  son was 18 he and his girlfriend moved to WV from MN(My son was basicly stolen when he was 3 by my parents). She was pregnant.  She didn't like the country and went back.  My son stayed.  She had the baby and  my son was upset.  It was his son.  My son cried, he wanted to be with his son but was not ready to leave me. I told him, I would always be here and we would never lose each other again and his son was the most  important person right now.  I bought his ticket baack to MN.  We talked everyday, usually a couple times a day.  Less than 10 months later he was in a fatal aciident.  For a long time I questioned why I could not have been selfish and kept him with me.  I sent him back.  I bought his ticket.  Why could I have not been a cold hearted bitch and kept hime here!

I don't think this way now...at least most of the time.

Dannille33
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:29 PM
I agree.


Quoting Firewoman33:

No. I truly belive things happen for a reason. 


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mumsy2three
by Shauna on Mar. 3, 2011 at 6:20 AM

I do sometimes. Not about anyone specific but I wonder about how things would be different if this or that happened instead. I always come back to the fact that I think things happen for a reason and if I'd made a different choice I wouldn't have my kids, house, job, hubby etc.

LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Mar. 3, 2011 at 6:36 AM

I am so sorry about your loss :(   that must have been so awful. Even though my kids are still young someday one of them may move far from me and I will have to lt them go no matter how much I dont want to.

Quoting mrswillie:

When my  son was 18 he and his girlfriend moved to WV from MN(My son was basicly stolen when he was 3 by my parents). She was pregnant.  She didn't like the country and went back.  My son stayed.  She had the baby and  my son was upset.  It was his son.  My son cried, he wanted to be with his son but was not ready to leave me. I told him, I would always be here and we would never lose each other again and his son was the most  important person right now.  I bought his ticket baack to MN.  We talked everyday, usually a couple times a day.  Less than 10 months later he was in a fatal aciident.  For a long time I questioned why I could not have been selfish and kept him with me.  I sent him back.  I bought his ticket.  Why could I have not been a cold hearted bitch and kept hime here!

I don't think this way now...at least most of the time.




 


   

NurseElaine
by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 8:38 AM

The "what ifs" are normal, but you can never really go back.  When you do the "what ifs", also include:  what if I didn't have my children, what if my children had major disruption to their lives that I caused, what if I caused terrible heart-break to my husband -- could I still like myself after doing all of that. 

Based on my own experience and from what I have seen with others, fantasy life rarely resembles reality.  My advise is to leave the boyfriend in the past, as a memory of someone you truly cared about, thank the memory for helping you become who you are today and be so grateful for your beautiful family (who I see pictured) and for your life.  Said in a more tough love kind of way:  LET IT GO and focus your energy on making your current existence even better. 

NurseElaine
by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 8:43 AM

Mrswillie:  So sorry for your sadness and loss.  Hope you get over regretting your actions, as the tragic accident could have happened if had stayed with you too.  Wish I could give you a hug and make things better and hope the pain of this fades for you soon. 

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