Thankfully I don't have a teen like that. If I did she would have very little freedom.
Oddly enough a teenager is in a bad position in society. They are growing into an identity of their own as a pre-adult, yet they are still too young to have any adult perks. This frustrates them so much. And most commonly they rebel. Which is what her behavior is about. I agree, that if there is an underlined issue you may know of, then I would say, go to a family counseling. You can not get through an issue with just one member of the family, the whole family matters. Try and talk with her. Let her know that her behavior is not acceptable, but see how you both can come to some common ground. Good luck.
I have not truly run into the disobeying piece, thank goodness. The desire for dd to argue however, is constant. I have gotten to where I will tell her, until you will talk to me in a reasonable, regular voice and listen to my point of view, I will not talk to you. She wants to fight, but when I refuse to be a willing partner, it does not continue. Nearly every time, she will go to her room (mad of course) and come back between half hour to an hour later ready to talk. At that point, we can get to the bottom of what the real problem is. Just like everyone else says, it is usually something else going on and we avoid a yelling match.
Quoting friendlymom5:My daughter went for a "break" to her dads and refuses to come home. He isn't being a dad he is being her friend right down to badmouthing me and cursing me out if they see me. It breaks my heart. I wish I had never agreed on the 1 day break, she hates me now and ita been six months.
Make sure the family rules are clear and consistent.If they keep disobeying - take away priviliges that they can only earn back over time....and take them away again immediately if the bad behavior restarts.
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