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To call CPS or not.....

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:34 AM
  • 16 Replies

 I have an issue with how my ex,daughter's biodad, and the way he keep his house! It is GROSS!!! Him and his wife seem to live like pigs! Their house is dirty and disgusting! They have lived where they are for a little over a year, before that they had been living with her parents for like 5 years, and her parents are just as nasty! One time I went to drop her off there were empty 2 liters filled with urine because ex was too lazy to walk downstairs to use the bathroom!!!!!! GROSS!!! (Ex and wife lived in the upstairs and DD slept up there when she would visit)  We don't have a court ordered visitation schedule because we do get along pretty good we even tried opting out of friend of the court but didn't happen! 

I don't think they have ever vaccuumed their house or even swept it. They got a new stove from a rent to own place when they moved in and I bet I can count on one hand the number of times they have washed it off! They have dirty dishes piled up everywhere, the dining room table,in the sink and all over the counters! Once I went over there to drop DD off and saw ants crawling all over dirty dishes in their living room and their garbage was piled up on the floor cuz the can in the kitchen was so full! Neither of them were home from work yet, so I told my DD that she wasn't going over there that weekend. I told her I was sorry but her dad's house was gross and I couldn't have her staying there. When we got home I sent ex and his wife a message on facebook and told him that DD wasn't coming over to his house again until the house was cleaned cuz their place was nasty! He messaged me back saying they clean when they can. Well they both only work 5 days a week, I work 6 days a week, so I basically said you are off on Sundays so you can clean then. I told him that if I came to drop our DD off to his place the next weekend and his house wasn't clean that I wasn't going to let her stay again. The only clean room in their house is my DDs bedroom. My DD herself says that her dad's house is kinda gross but she won't tell her dad cuz she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She says she helps do a little around her dad's house but she has said its kind of gross and says since she doesn't really live there she should only clean up the mess she makes not clean up after them!

I know I have some OCD issues when it comes to cleaning, I also know that my house isn't "Good Housekeeping" clean, but I have a clean house and I do housework everyday!!  I feel my ex and his wife are just plain lazy! He always was when I was with him and after seeing how his wife's family lives, I should have expected the same from her!

Well my problem is this....I noticed when I dropped DD off at her dad's this past weekend, it's gross and nasty again! I'm thinking I should call CPS or someone and have them look into it. I can't send my DD there cuz it's an unhealthy enviroment!

My DD is 12 and she understands everything that is going on and she won't even have friends go there to stay the night because of how her dad lives. She is at the point now to where she would rather stay home or go to a friends on the weekend. I do make her call her dad to let him know she won't be coming over. He says he understands she is at the point where she wants to spend time with her friends now,but he doesn't realize that it's because of the way he lives!!

Should I call CPS or someone to have them go over there becaue obviously what I said to them hasn't lasted!?? I can't send my DD over there in that unhealthy envrioment and me saying something to him hasn't worked! Any suggestions??

Life is short, tell your loved ones daily how you feel!!
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tiana300
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:37 AM

Maybe Discuss it with him first to stay on Good Terms and if it dont Improve take Action.washing dishes

fatcat0908
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:40 AM
Leave it. You ex doesn't seem to mind that your DD chooses not to go there anyhow, so why involve CPS. I could see if he were demanding that she stay there, but he isn't.
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michelle5971
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 9:44 AM

Do they have other children who live with them? 

Your DD is at the age now where she does understand what is going on and she obviously feels the same way you do.  Since there is no visitation court order you do not have to make her go there.  If he really wants visitation and refuses to clean his place up a bit he has the option of taking you to court for visitation and then you could probably have his living conditions evaluated by the court to see if it is fit for your DD to be there.



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nookmom
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 10:52 AM


Quoting fatcat0908:

Leave it. You ex doesn't seem to mind that your DD chooses not to go there anyhow, so why involve CPS. I could see if he were demanding that she stay there, but he isn't.


luv2mum
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:00 AM

 

Quoting fatcat0908:

Leave it. You ex doesn't seem to mind that your DD chooses not to go there anyhow, so why involve CPS. I could see if he were demanding that she stay there, but he isn't.

 yep

nazmom2be
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:09 AM
It sounds like it is important to you for ex to have contact with DD. Instead of having overnights @ his house can they spend time doing outings then bring her home when done? CPS doesn't need to be involved @ this point but maybe the health dept.
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Lisa0626
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:10 AM


Quoting fatcat0908:

Leave it. You ex doesn't seem to mind that your DD chooses not to go there anyhow, so why involve CPS. I could see if he were demanding that she stay there, but he isn't.


I agree as well. Unless there were other children in the house and then I would call. If he starts to want your dd to stay, then tell him, he must clean up or she isn't coming.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Mar. 28, 2011 at 6:58 PM


Quoting fatcat0908:

Leave it. You ex doesn't seem to mind that your DD chooses not to go there anyhow, so why involve CPS. I could see if he were demanding that she stay there, but he isn't.


htreveth
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:16 PM
This.


Quoting fatcat0908:

Leave it. You ex doesn't seem to mind that your DD chooses not to go there anyhow, so why involve CPS. I could see if he were demanding that she stay there, but he isn't.

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misskimi78
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 7:24 PM

 Well, I would let him know how his daughter feels and again not let her go there when it's like that. I would tell him, as sad as it sounds, you will insist on inspecting his place before she's allowed to stay and if he want's to make a legal issue out of it, then you will have no choice to involve CPS.

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