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Kids from divorced families.. Do you think it really affects them?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM
  • 23 Replies

My kids were 3 and 7 when I first got divorced from their dad.

Now I didn't think it affected them then, and as they got older I didn't see it. I think sometimes situations change how a child is affected. My dh now is pretty good with my kids and they have tiff's but they see him as dad. Perhaps it was their age that made it a little easier on them I'm not sure.

In my uncles case back when his kids were young ages 8 and 10 they seemed to be very much affected. His daughter 10 seemed to be ok with it and till this day she is doing ok.. she's 26 now. The 8 yr old is now 24 and since a child after their divorce he has made such bad choices. Alot of them were attention getters and then as he grew older he got in to drugs, ran away alot, and has been in jail for drugs often. He did straighten up for 3 yrs met a woman, married, and even had 2 kids he joined the chruch and then one day it all started again. He has told many that the break up of his parents sent him on a bad road. He blammed himself alot for their split though it wasn't and it has really cause his life to become nothing more than just exsisting. He loves his kids don't  get me wrong.. he just is confused.

Some say that kids that come through divorces are very much affected and some are not.

Tell how you think or feel about this?

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KyliesMom5
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:17 PM

My daughter has been very affected by it but then she has been abandonement and lied to by her Dad.  Kylie is 8 years old and has had a hard year.

sheri305
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:23 PM

I think it does.I never experienced it personally,but from what Ive seen with other situations,I think it affects kids greatly.Some more than others,and every kid reacts differently,but I think all are affected nonetheless.But on the flip side,if the relationship was dysfunctional,then sometime separation is actually best for the kid(s).It just depend.

drdevault
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:24 PM

My dd I dont think has been to affected by it but she does try to play the 2 of us against each other. Also when she gets in trouble at home she cries like a 2 year old and throws a fit and wants to go live with daddy.

Dannille33
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:26 PM

Im very sorry to hear that ..and my kid haven't seen their real dad in years.

It seems like dads and yes mom's to that do not have their kids seem to feel they have this freedom to just have a life with out kids. Some might feel they need to do a little call now and again some just send a gift or something. It is very frustrating..

and .. your daughter is so lucky to have you... a mom that cares for her enough for 2 parents ..:)

Quoting KyliesMom5:

My daughter has been very affected by it but then she has been abandonement and lied to by her Dad.  Kylie is 8 years old and has had a hard year.


Dannille33
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:27 PM

I agree... it does affect them on some level.. some are more greatly affected by others..

My kids more my son then daughter seems to show signs but he tells me and everyone that my dh now is his dad. I think because of how his dad was and what he did.. well it makes it easier for him to not really know him.

Quoting sheri305:

I think it does.I never experienced it personally,but from what Ive seen with other situations,I think it affects kids greatly.Some more than others,and every kid reacts differently,but I think all are affected nonetheless.But on the flip side,if the relationship was dysfunctional,then sometime separation is actually best for the kid(s).It just depend.


Dannille33
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:29 PM

When I was first divorced my  dd did this .. before things really got messed up. Of course that was along time go.. and things happened that changed it all.. and visits havent' happened for 6 yrs.

Quoting drdevault:

My dd I dont think has been to affected by it but she does try to play the 2 of us against each other. Also when she gets in trouble at home she cries like a 2 year old and throws a fit and wants to go live with daddy.


markrobsmom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:31 PM

I think it does.  Not always to the extreme of how your nephew was effected tho.

Dannille33
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:39 PM

I really believe that he should have gone through some type of therapy.. even now.

He just seems like he wants to get it right.. he just can't ..

Quoting markrobsmom:

I think it does.  Not always to the extreme of how your nephew was effected tho.


2rays0fsun
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:45 PM

When I went thru a divorce dd was less than 2 yrs ... for a while she took it hard, it was pretty hard for me to handle too. I felt so guilty about it and even doubted myself for splitting up our marriage. I halfway listened to dh rationalize that we should just get together for dd sake... but I did not and it's a good thing, I came to realize the divorce was the best and most healthy choice for everyone. At first dd would cry for her dad, ask where he was, out of the blue want him and start crying and screaming. If she had visitation she would cry and throw a fit when time to come back home. She would also wake up crying some nights :( When my current DH appeared on the scene, she really didn't like him... I felt it was more because she still wanted her dad, and didn't welcome dh coming in her life like that. She would even take her shoes off and throw them at his head while he was driving, I remember lol. And acted like she hated him, not let him touch or talk to her etc. in time however it all seemed to smooth out. Looking back I think dd adapted to our separation pretty quickly. Her dad now has visitation and is on friendly terms with my dh. My dh & dd are now close and have developed a good relationship, they are very bonded, when he's out of town she now says she "miss him" and every night she says good night and "i love you" to dh. I think her age being so young, she dealt with it well with everyone's support. Now it seems to me she's happy with the way things are, this is our life in which she has two households (this is home, and her dad's to visit) and two father figures... and probably has no real "memory" of the actual divorce or life b4 divorce at this point. I'm guessing for older children, they can rationalize and think out stuff more than toddlers can, so it will be harder for them to accept such a major change.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Dannille33
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:51 PM

You are right.. I think when they are  younger it doesn't really stick with them like it does for an older child.

I'm glad that things are working out with visits and I am sure that made things all for the better for your dd too.. :)

Quoting 2rays0fsun:

When I went thru a divorce dd was less than 2 yrs ... for a while she took it hard, it was pretty hard for me to handle too. I felt so guilty about it and even doubted myself for splitting up our marriage. I halfway listened to dh rationalize that we should just get together for dd sake... but I did not and it's a good thing, I came to realize the divorce was the best and most healthy choice for everyone. At first dd would cry for her dad, ask where he was, out of the blue want him and start crying and screaming. If she had visitation she would cry and throw a fit when time to come back home. She would also wake up crying some nights :( When my current DH appeared on the scene, she really didn't like him... I felt it was more because she still wanted her dad, and didn't welcome dh coming in her life like that. She would even take her shoes off and throw them at his head while he was driving, I remember lol. And acted like she hated him, not let him touch or talk to her etc. in time however it all seemed to smooth out. Looking back I think dd adapted to our separation pretty quickly. Her dad now has visitation and is on friendly terms with my dh. My dh & dd are now close and have developed a good relationship, they are very bonded, when he's out of town she now says she "miss him" and every night she says good night and "i love you" to dh. I think her age being so young, she dealt with it well with everyone's support. Now it seems to me she's happy with the way things are, this is our life in which she has two households (this is home, and her dad's to visit) and two father figures... and probably has no real "memory" of the actual divorce or life b4 divorce at this point. I'm guessing for older children, they can rationalize and think out stuff more than toddlers can, so it will be harder for them to accept such a major change.


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