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**UPDATE**14 yr old REFUSES

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:00 PM
  • 30 Replies


how do you deal with a child that has a problem going to school? he says that he doesnt have anyone bullying him ( parent teacher conference last night and spoke to them about it as well, they dont see any harrassment going on anywhere) and he gets along with everyone.....BUT he refuses to go to school ! weve begged, pleaded, threatened and rewarded......dont know what else to do....principal knows all about it as it has been happening since school started...hes talked to counselors and psychiatrists at school, we are involved (as in talking to and seeing all of these people on a daily/weekly basis) dont know what else to do ! hes been to the doctor and they cant find anything wrong with him....theyve done EKG's and Xrays.....he just flat out refuses ! ive called Social Services ( as principal said we HAD to) and now i dont know whats going to happen.....if i dont get him to school i fear the outcome.....this is a child that can pick me up and toss me like a load of laundry ! ive tried everything ! discussed homeschooling, tried virtual learning at school and now im at a loss....what would YOU do !?!?!!

****UPDATED*******************

I took him to the ER again this morning because he was complaining of chest pain again... they did another xray and EKG....nothing....dr attributed it to stress and said we should seek counseling...i know this, already have an appointment....said he needs to be psychologically evaluated--have the appointment for that as well.....i guess anxiety is the culprit after all....we all have anxiety at some point in our lives--I just had it this morning ! LO is sick with a yucky cough so i didnt send him to school, i really didnt want to take him out, but i did....i dont have anyone around me to help watch him for a few hours to take care of the older one, just me.....anxiety every day ! lol ! so, i know how he feels.....yes, we have talked about homeschooling, virtual schooling and he chose to go back to school....my hubby had a police officer friend come over and tlak to him about the importance of school, so we may be good there for awhile--i wish he would have waited until next week to have him come over because i wanted to know what the second opinion was of the dr's before doing anything that could make the situation worse for him but it has all worked out so far....idk what to do to get him to school tomorrow if he refuses again......i pray that he doesnt give me a hard time and just gets up and goes....BTW, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING LADIES !



by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mena929
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:02 PM

Social service may give him a "probation officer" that he will have to report to. I would go that route for now. It isn't like they will take him out of the home, just work with him. Maybe he is depressed and not talking about it. Have there been any life changing issues going on?

heidi_r_77
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:04 PM

lots ! we just moved out of state and hes at a new school...but this was beginning to happen during that last semester at his old school where he went for three full years.....

Quoting Mena929:

Social service may give him a "probation officer" that he will have to report to. I would go that route for now. It isn't like they will take him out of the home, just work with him. Maybe he is depressed and not talking about it. Have there been any life changing issues going on?


Mena929
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:06 PM

What made you move out of state? Were the reasons you left due to issues going on then?

Quoting heidi_r_77:

lots ! we just moved out of state and hes at a new school...but this was beginning to happen during that last semester at his old school where he went for three full years.....

Quoting Mena929:

Social service may give him a "probation officer" that he will have to report to. I would go that route for now. It isn't like they will take him out of the home, just work with him. Maybe he is depressed and not talking about it. Have there been any life changing issues going on?



heidi_r_77
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:17 PM

yes, some of the issues were because of him...lets just say that it came at a great time for us....he was getting into trouble with friends and was in the wrong place at the wrong time with one of them, he could have gotten arrested too if it hadnt been for the video cameras backing up my sons story....we moved because of a job offer for my husband

deccaf
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I have been there.  We would drive her to school and she would sit in the bathroom.  Truancy court nearly every other week, etc.  NOTHING worked for us.  We tried rewards if she went, punishment when she didn't, and everything in between.  Unfortunately, she ended up dropping out as soon as she legally could.  She now regrets it.  I have no advice for you, but a big, sympathetic HUG.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:25 PM
Social services will remove him from the home and put him in fostercare if a probation officer can't get through to him. Also as his parent YOU could end up in jail for truancy... it sucks when u are doing everything u can.
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heidi_r_77
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

i take him to school every day and pick him up...when he goes.......and here i thought you would have all the answers....i guess this is one that will never be completely mastered.......ive got a friend whose son did what he wanted as well and he dropped out of school his junior year....id hate to see that happen but i think he needs to learn this on his own....my hubby works at a harley davidson shop and just said that he would get some buddies together and they'd come scare him into going....thinking thats not a bad idea especially since they (the buddies) are police officers....i ust dont want to be home with my LO when they come ! hes only 4...

Quoting deccaf:

I have been there.  We would drive her to school and she would sit in the bathroom.  Truancy court nearly every other week, etc.  NOTHING worked for us.  We tried rewards if she went, punishment when she didn't, and everything in between.  Unfortunately, she ended up dropping out as soon as she legally could.  She now regrets it.  I have no advice for you, but a big, sympathetic HUG.


heidi_r_77
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:43 PM

when i spoke to the principal on monday he said to call social services, this way we wouldnt be held liable for him not going....i guess its different in every state...i just learned yesterday that it is legal for parents to take kids to court if they dont want to listen to authority and not be liable for them anymore....i would never do that ! i just found it odd that of all the days to say something on the radio it had to happen when I was in the car......

Quoting conniejo75:

Social services will remove him from the home and put him in fostercare if a probation officer can't get through to him. Also as his parent YOU could end up in jail for truancy... it sucks when u are doing everything u can.


Deedee0115
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:53 PM

At some point...we can't 'make' them do anything......do what you have to do to cover yourself! many states will go after the parents for truancy. Have you thought about letting him see life outside of his cushy home enviornment. A boys home perhaps where he can see what it is like to have parents that don't give a damn about them? It worked for my 16 year old. He ended up graduating a year early after he put himself there for getting in trouble...just a thought. He is now in college at 17 and doing a damn good job at becoming the man we alsways saw but he needed to see too!! Sorry and God bless.

heidi_r_77
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 2:05 PM

a place called "safehaven" is our next step......dont want to but it would be for the greater good i guess.....yes, he needs a 'wake up' desperately.....thank you for backing up what i thought was a terrible idea.....but i can see that it may be our only way to get through to him....thank you for your honesty ladies! this is a very difficult situation that doesnt seem to have an end in sight, other than a downward spiral for him and thats the last thing i want.

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