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Any advice is appreciated

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:49 PM
  • 6 Replies

I have been keeping to myself the fact that I know my hubby is cheating on me for over 2 months now.  I just don't know what to do, I feel like an idiot for staying but I also feel I would be hurting my kids really bad if I did leave. He would just deny it if I told him that I know and I know it is true because I have seen messages from one of the women pretty much spelling out what they did and how much she liked it. I really hate myself but my biggest concern has always been my kids. He is a good dad and I don't deny that but if I leave, I will NOT let him see them for fear that he will take them and run. Any advice because I am so lost these days I barely know which end is up. =*(

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:49 PM
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Replies (1-6):
jessecutez
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:52 PM
1 mom liked this

if you are not happy your kids will see it.. you should try to talk it out but if you feel lie you need to leave, thats would be better for your kids

mommieof
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:55 PM
2 moms liked this
You can't stay with someone that is hurting you just for your kids, we never wanna break up a family but if it's at the expense of your happiness you have to do what's good for you too. You need to be honest with him and let him know you know everything and if you guys can work it out then great but if not then you have to make yourself happy, if your miserable your children will be too.
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amonkeymom
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:31 PM

That's a hard situation, I wonder why some men think it's ok to cheat.  :(

He might be a "good dad", but do you really want your children to grow up thinking that it's ok to treat a woman the way he's treating you?  That was one of the big factors in why my ex-husband and I split up.  I didn't want my daughter to think what he did is normal or ok. 

My suggestion.... talk to a lawyer, talk to a therapist, decide what is best for you & your children.

Quoting proudmommym79:

I have been keeping to myself the fact that I know my hubby is cheating on me for over 2 months now.  I just don't know what to do, I feel like an idiot for staying but I also feel I would be hurting my kids really bad if I did leave. He would just deny it if I told him that I know and I know it is true because I have seen messages from one of the women pretty much spelling out what they did and how much she liked it. I really hate myself but my biggest concern has always been my kids. He is a good dad and I don't deny that but if I leave, I will NOT let him see them for fear that he will take them and run. Any advice because I am so lost these days I barely know which end is up. =*(


sammie_jo78
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:34 PM
You should not hate yourself, it's not your fault!
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unsuspected
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:46 PM

If he is a good dad, he would never take them away from their mother.

You deserve so much better than this, this is not a marriage.  Lies, betrayal, hurt and pain ... this is not what is intended for you or your marriage.

You need to make copies of the texts, emails, whatever ... undeniabel proof and confront him.

At least, that is what I would say you need to do.  Stop making excuses for him.  Stand up for yourself and for your family.  You say you are staying for the kids?  I understand that, but it is also a cop out.  Your kids NEED a better example of love, commitment, respect and honesty in marriage.  You are showing your kids that this is OK.  Son, you can cheat on your wife, daughter, your husband can cheat on you ... this is normal.  I know that they don't know the facts right now ... but that pain is a member of your house as assuredly as any flesh and blood person there.  You can't hide it.

You need to confront him and kick him out.  If he wants to stay with her, OUT.  If he wants to change, and repair things with you, good ... you still need him OUT.  You have some REAL pain to heal and you need time and space to deal with it.  You can heal through a seperation and come back together stronger than ever.

But NOTHING is going to change as long as you keep the blinders on and don't confront the situation.  And honey ... I get it.  I have been there.  I do understand.  You give him the benifeit of the doubt be4cause you love him and you don't want it to be true.  But you know it is, now you have a choice to make.

Is this ok?  Is this your future? 

Stand firm for yourself and your family, demand change, or demand distance because you and your kids need better.  You will find you are stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for because your kids will NEED you to be their hero.  Maybe you can't be your own hero because excuses are easier ... but there's no excuse for your kids who need to see their mother being respected, honored and cared for, not abused and lied to. 

hache2
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:57 PM

Talk to an attorney before you do anything.

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