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Why does my mother-in-law refuse to respect my family's boundaries?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 5:50 PM
  • 2 Replies

 Without going into a lot of details about my mother-in-law I will say that for 8 years she has been the biggest pain in my side I have ever dealt with. For several years I walked on egg shells for her and my husband (bless his heart) has a lifetime of stories he has shared with me about her selfishness and manipulative ways. Well, 7 months ago s**t hit the fan. Basically our daughter does not like and is afraid of her new husband whom by the way was married when they met (whole other story). My daughter would tell my husband and I she didn't like going to her grandmama's house anymore because of him. I confronted him on one occasion bc my daughter told me when she would get upset he would pull her hair, I was livid. This situation was pretty much the breaking point for me. This man always made me feel uneasy and now my daughter is uncomfortable around him. My husband and I decided our daughter will no longer be around this man and when he told his mother she went through the roof. We explained to her that she was welcome to come to our house any time but her husband was not welcome. My husband (not able to talk with her without her trying to guilt/manipulating him into making everything about her) sat down and wrote her a letter basically setting boundaries. For seven months she would not call, did not visit her granddaughter...NOTHING.She expected us to cave but we didn't and we were not going to. Well, this past Saturday she did come and visit (finally) for about an hour. The kicker is her husband had to drive her and he sat in the driveway the whole time (because those two are joined at the hip, he will not let her out of his sight. These people are in their 60's, where is the trust? Oh yeah, it never was there because he left his wife for her). My husband and I left the room so she could spend time with her granddaughter. What really set me off was when after she left my daughter, who is almost 4 looked at me and said "grandma said he is good now, he misses misses me and wants to see me". I was thinking....Are you friggin kidding me? For seven months you would not come and visit and when you do, you still ignore our boundaries! We told her not to mention him and not to manipulate a 4 y/o's feelings. She did it anyway. What else can I do? I want her to see her grandmother but at the same time, I will not allow her to treat my daughter's feelings the same way she treated my husband's for almost 40 years. This woman is so selfish and manipulative it's almost sad. Any suggestions??? 

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 5:50 PM
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Replies (1-2):
Jynnifer292
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 6:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would let her see her, but I wouldn't leave the room.

1TimeMommatoBe
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 6:05 PM

That is so sad, I would tell her respect our boundaries or do not come over. Or stay in the room the whole time she is there.

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