I've been with my guy for 3+years and in love with him 5 years...we have a son together, he will be 2 in March. Seemed like a typical love story-but it really wasn't. I was going through a divorce-and have two children from that marriage.
He just always had "rocky" relationships...so it seemed from what he would tell me. Telling me he was married-divorced, and divorced for 8+years. I'm from Indiana him from Jersey- I fell madly IN LOVE and moved 800 miles for him- for us to start a new life * why did he not move to Indiana--I do not like Indiana & wanted to get--- he wasn't a huge fan either.
Plus I think the BIGGEST reason he didn't move-- he thinks he will be Mr. Big Movie maker. I didn't realize how SERIOUS he was about this-- btw he has NO JOB and this is his life--even over us ( me & our son ) and his other son who is 11.
Seems a bit strange to me--or he's just very selfish. I really didn't notice big changes until I was a few months pregnant, then my senses told me something was wrong! I found out he was having online sexual conversations with other women- some ex's and some random s.jersey girl!
I'm white-he's hispanic, and this chick-10 years older than I also hispanic... I figured it was that. Maybe he didn't love me b/c I'm white. Had more in common etc--come to find out he was telling her I wasn't supportive, I was this that and the other-she must have been ANGRY so she wrote me on FB on my boyfriends FB wall-
She said I wasn't a real woman and this that and the other-it was bad, and I was pissed-devastated etc. Before he would tell me it was ALL IN MY HEAD-that he was doing NOTHING. When he came home that day, after I got that message-he said he didn't understand WHY she would write that...
-hm. Maybe b/c YOU TOLD HER SHIT!
He said he had not---
I found all to most of the e-mails-it was heart breaking. Even telling HER he had wished he met her before the wife, or I-- and here he told me daily he loved ME. I was also 4-5 months pregnant then.
I also figured he would stop talking to her based on that--
NO- on Valentines Day he texted her via FB-"HAPPY VALENTINES DAY" not a mass text--just for her-she went wacko and said "TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO LEAVE HER" now 8 months pregnant.
When he said it was all over--the fb, it all after I said it's HER/FB or ME-I was going to leave. He got rid of FB. I would always check to see--and he really got rid of it-even to this day he has no FB ( I have my ways ;)...lol ) b/c NOW I check!
He really never appeared very sorry for it. He did say he was sorry-but felt he did NOTHING WRONG. That it was NOT SEX- I said it hurt. Regarldess don't you agree that's wrong?
Here I figured he couldn't do this to me-his wife broke his heart from cheating-so he wouldn't do this to ME- I'm so good to him--I still am. Well fast forward a few months after that-I find ERASED PHOTOS on his Sprint.com
A girl from work sent him-I was so PISSED-I called HER and called him out on it. She never called him again- I tried getting her fired.
I was so furious...
by this point I was working full time and him for the census-we had a little one.***I couldn't trust him any longer-he claims that he tried then to make it up to me--Idk. I wasn't paying attention. I was to pissed--I felt stupid for falling for his shit.
We've gone to a counsler, but I don't felt we were there long enough-- he is always worried about HIM-HIM-HIM. Rarely sees his other son- and claims it's all his EX's fault-HM! two sides to EVERY story!
Which I never believed even in the start--b/c I do believe in two sides to every story- but I'm one that will STATE my faults-I'm not ashamed. I typically blame myself anyway.
I wish he would just GROW Up-and see what HE HAS--two beautiful kids and a woman that loves him so much. He states he loves me so much-so in love with me...but I've been angry with him, can't trust him-and when he states the truth I don't believe him.
I said how can I--when I asked questions back then you said you were doing NOTHING wrong- you were NOT cheating...NOTHING, you were LYING to me-so how the hell does he figure I will believe him NOW?
I'm more than good to him-basically kiss the ground he walks on-I've been up and down with emotions... I do love him so much but so tired of his bs- so tired of his MOM being first - shes always in our bizz- and he pays NO support for his other son- I make him give me $$$ b/c right now-I asked him to leave until he can "FIX" himself.
He doesn't think anything is wrong with HIM--although he's seeing his VA therapist, that is FREE-that is ONCE a month IF that--that's it. Nothing is changing--for V-day I had him over to eat-but he was acting weird. Not loving at all---but tonight he said I push and push--blah blah. That he basically needs "TIME" to fix himself--since I tell him the issue is HIM
I actually didnt' say that--but I've tried everything-
Would help SO much if he had a JOB-was good to his kids, wanted to do fun activities and appeared to give a damn! I mean...really?
but he cares about his MOM- about his "MOVIES" that well-he's been at 10 years + and NOTHING has came of it. He would rather focus on that then getting a real paying JOB!
I doubt at this point he could-he swears people are intimitated by him-I think he has mental issues... I mean really? intimated? by WHAT!? the fact I-his girl takes care of him and he doesn't have to do nothing!
Hell half the time I'm the one begging for sex-I take care of myself- so I don't get it. His therapist wants to put him on meds-but he refuses!
*** I just want normal again-I just want him back. I do love him- but do you think he will actually change, or do you figure this man will always be a selfish individual and always play the "VICTIM"?
---I don't even understand how he can be okay with his mom- she left him when he was 7 b/c she wanted to sell DRUGS! the feds took him to foster care? reallY! and right now he moved to HER house- yet she said "YOU CAN'T LIVE HERE" but once she caught cancer, it was... LIVE HERE-I need you.
SERIOUSLY?
Hugs, and do what's right for you. Good luck
Well I def. don't LIVE with him any longer--he's at MOMMIES- but how long that will last? we shall see-- b/c she's now dying of cancer- but she's an evil soul ( in my opinion ) not really saying she DESERVES it- cause really does anyone?
But KARMA is a bitch!
But I've done nothing but been here for him- and ya I feel shoved away. It's like REALLY! I treat you so much better-- he told me today that I need to stop being "PUSHY" that he just doesn't know what to say anymore.
He CLAIMS his THERAPIST told him for us to NOT discuss our relationship-- I'm thinking OH so nothing that's based no REALITY! b/c it upsets HIM!
He's an idiot really!
I just wish he wouldn't have wasted my time--
I would have never brought another child into this world knowing he was going to shit on my life and dreams--
I've basically spoiled HIM treated him to everything--paid the bills, etc. He claims HE had-
okay so that's why my rent is paid in advance and why I have CREDIT on my electric all of a sudden-- he is giving me $ weekly but the last few times it's been SOME excuse why he can't give me x amount of $ ...
I said OH WELL-figure it out. It's not MY PROBLEM or his son's problem he has NO JOB but a "DREAM" or hobby--and makes NO $ off that--
I'm kinda waiting around to put him ON child support b/c SO far-I get almost $150 a week -but currently I'm a STORAGE UNIT for his ass anyway- so I said If I'm a STORAGE UNIT you pay me!
I'm not his stupid ass ex, and saying -sure don't pay me support--I'm good. She said b/c it upsets HIS mom. LMAO-really?
screw his mom!
what does she have to do with any of it? unless in HISPANIC culture it's everything? but come on--- they are not all that ignorant.
I've tried to "fit in" but I'm sorry I came from a CLOSE family--
and learned respect young--my dad nor mom left me to SELL DRUGS!
so really?
weirdo!
... but he doesn't live with me or my son right now-
I've considered moving OUT of New Jersey all together--
at least this TRASHY area-S.jersey is full of trashy people. TRUTH!
Quoting DragonLuv:
Wow.... after all that I would be outta there.... you need to get child support and take care of you and your child.
Hugs, and do what's right for you. Good luck
He says he's "tried" and that is why he is going to his therapist right now-but it's 1 a month if that-b/c it's FREE b/c its from his VA dr.
IDK! I think he needs to see a REAL therapist-
I do LOVE HIM dearly-but feel I'm not getting much LOVE in return and it hurts--
but he swears he HAS loved me--
His friends say he does love me
MY friends say HELL NO---RUN!
So IDK! it's up to me...
but it does worry me--I don't want to keep wasting time.
He says he wants us to work-but then why is he so focused on his MOM and on HIMSELF-and his "MOVIES" and less concerned about fixing US!
I feel like it's all BULL SHIT--
I need a GOOD MAN!
damn...
I doubt that will ever happen at THIS POINT! lol==
and he was decent in bed-I loved the way he touched, the way we made love-when we did.
he wasn't overly sexual like he claimed he was-that was an issue w/ my x hubby---
he ( the boyfriend ) said...Oh I love sex
HM!
please.
he does make me smile--but IDK! guess really if i think about it-I'm less happy than happy.
but I don't want to give up ...
You need to let him go. You need to go to court for child support so they can make him pay it. I'm sorry but hes no good and probably isn't going to change. There are wonderful men out there who will love you and treat you like a queen. If he loved you he wouldn't have done the things he has to you.
So why would he say he loves me if he does not- why would he ask me to haev a child with him to start a family- why would he say, "if anything gets in our way" that I guess-he would give it up...
although-guess he hasn't!
but... he claims he tried and I didn't want to believe him or listen-
but then he also told me that wasn't "cheating" b/c no SEX was involved, just sexual conversation.
lol--interesting.
maybe it's the fact I feel like a failure more so than anything---
It does sound like he has a lot of issues. I'd be outta there. I think you love the idea of him because really I don't see anything to love about him.
Watching the morning news made me cry food prices doubleing
4 month old daughter needs a name - please vote
- mamaof3nj
on Feb. 15, 2012 at 6:47 PM