I need all the advice I can get with this one! Warning, long...
I posted this in another of my groups but haven't heard any responses and I just can't get it off my mind:
My daughter is 12 and has her 1st boyfriend. She's very responsible, a straight A student, very level-headed. Just yesterday she told me her boyfriend had told her he "loved" her and she responded by telling him that she really liked him and was glad they are going out but wasn't ready to say anything like that yet, since they are so young and he is her 1st boyfriend. She also told me that his friend told her that he wants to kiss her and wanted my advice. I gave her my opinion, mainly that it is flu season and she shouldn't even be sharing drinks with people, lol!! No but I told her that my first kiss had been at 13 and that while I don't PREFER her to be kissing boys, she will have to think fully about it and make up her own mind about whether, years down the road, she will be happy or regretful that he was her first kiss. Since I'm not with her for at least 9 hours out of the day, she will ultimately do as she sees fit and I can only lead her to be age-appropriate and smart about every decision.
So, naturally, as soon as she'd gone to bed, I logged onto her Facebook account so I could properly investigate the character and intent of this young man, lol. I've met him only once before at school and he seemed polite and well-mannered and to-date, I've only seen him as a smart and respectful kid. But I don't know much about him, other than that he is being raised by his grand-parents, received Principals Honor Roll at school, and apparently, "LOVES" my 12 year old daughter... So, to the point, in perusing his FB page, I see a comment that he made that gave me some concern. A friend of his wrote as a status "Tell your mom Happy Valentines from me" and he responded by saying "Joke's on you, my mom has AIDS." Now this COULD be a funny-haha by a 12 yr old... or he could be serious.
Being that he is raised by his grand-parents and rarely sees his mother, this COULD be the reason. And if his MOTHER does indeed have AIDS, it is possible that she had it during pregnancy and POSSIBLY he may have been exposed to it or even have it himself. Yes, I know about antiretroviral drugs, etc... I am aware you cannot "catch" HIV by kissing, HOWEVER, as a mother, I feel I absolutely must know if this is a potential concern. I am thinking I will need to somehow meet and politely ask his grandparents about this situation. I'm looking for advice on how to approach this conversation in a most sensitive manner, with the goal of getting a truthful, unreserved answer. I may need additional convincing by seeing a negative HIV test.
I know that all this may appear to some as over shooting, seeing as it is in relation to 12 yr olds, but while I have full confidence in my daughter, I am not blind to the things that some kids do and most are pressured into doing or at least curious about. I feel to not address this and know for certain there is no danger, is a risk I am not willing to take. Obviously, right now, there is no opportunity for anything more than a kiss, nor do I feel my daughter is anywhere NEAR any action that would risk transmission of the virus, I still think that she and I should know if it is a factor. Any advice will be much appreciated!!