Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

would you let your brother-in-law move in to your family's home?

Posted by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 4:20 PM
  • 28 Replies

my husband's brother is 31 and has never paid rent.  he was only forced to leave my father-in-laws home when they lost their place in a short sale and moved about an hour away 3 weeks ago.  my husband told his brother he could move in temporarily SIX MONTHS AGO when they discovered they would be losing the house.  we thought they were getting kicked out right away, but things took a lot longer.  brother-in-law did nothing to secure a new place to live for the last 6 months.  he gambles at casinos all hours of the night.  he drinks too much.  he works 2 days a week.  he's fiscally irresponsible.  we love him--he's a very likeable guy, and an amazing uncle to our 2 small children, but our home is not a match for his lifestyle.  of course, 4 days before they are kicked out of the old house, BIL calls my hubby and asks if he can move in.  my husband said no, that me and the kids are his priority.  we have been chasing debt down from a failed business for 2 years and are almost in the clear now.  we can see the light and the end of the tunnel that has been long and hard on both of us, and we both agree that a manipulative (however likeable) in-law in our home could make things tense.

 now, father-in-law (a recovering addict, no less, clean for 25 years) is siding with BIL and trying to make my husband out to be the bad guy in all this.  my husband, the responsible, hard-working husband and father of two, won't enable his brother, the drunk, gambling addict.  my husband is crushed that his dad can't understand our side.  AAUUGGHH!  i want to kill these ignorant people.  has anyone dealt with a deadbeat in-law that wanted to mooch and manipulate?  how did you handle it?  will BIL ever understand that we are doing him a favor?  YOU'RE 31.  get a job and rent a room for fuck sake.

family is important, don't get me wrong.  but me and my babies are my husband's family, now.  he promised God to cherish us, protect, keep us safe, and uphold the sanctity of our marriage and home.  this all seems so common sense to me.  am i wrong?

by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 4:20 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
yourpassion
by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 4:24 PM

i wouldn't allow him to live there.  who cares what anyone else thinks, it won't be a good situation for your family.  hang in there and stand your ground. i've had to do things like this.  stick to your guns, do what's right for your family.  good luck!

vegepunkstr
by Member on Mar. 1, 2012 at 4:27 PM

I know all about having family living with you. Right now my SIL her husband and 2 kids are living with us. With them it has been great though. They pay rent clean after themselves and know when to give us space. Before they lived here my mom and sister and niece lived with us and it caused so much stress in my marriage. My mom almost never paid rent. It was hell trying to get my sister to get a job or even watch her own kid. Neither of them cleaned and sat on the internet all day long. I think that nothing is going to change with your BIL if he hasnt taken the initiative to do anything in the past 6 months. You guys are better off holding your ground and not letting him come in and cause stress within your family. Maybe him having no where to go will finally motivate him to do something with his life.



vegepunkstr. Get yours at bighugelabs.com

steelcrazy
by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 4:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, hell no!  I wouldn't let him move in at all.  You will end up supporting his lazy ass for the next 20+ years.  It is beyond time for him to grow up and support himself like an adult should.

easternwamom
by Member on Mar. 1, 2012 at 4:56 PM

 That could almost be my BIL, and there is no way in hell I would ever let my bil move in to my home.  I also have a SIL much like this.  It is so frustrating because we work hard for everything but my BIL and SIL think everything should be provided for them and their problems are always the fault of someone else.  We would love to cut ties with them both.  Unfortunately, my BIL has 3 kids that we absolutely adore and we want to still be a part of their lives.  I think you and your husband are right to not let him move into your home.  If you FIL thinks that is horrible then let him take care of your BIL again.

opal10161973
by Member on Mar. 1, 2012 at 5:00 PM
Now why wouldn't a likeable guy like that have found a sugarmomma by now? Geez! What happened to doing things the old fashioned way? LOL.

BTW....No way would that emu fly in my house either!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
yourpassion
by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 5:06 PM

laughing

Quoting opal10161973:

Now why wouldn't a likeable guy like that have found a sugarmomma by now? Geez! What happened to doing things the old fashioned way? LOL.

BTW....No way would that emu fly in my house either!


Poosaloosa
by Silver Member on Mar. 1, 2012 at 5:21 PM

I would let my brother in law live wiht us, but he is nothing like your brother in law, and I do not think you are in the wrong. I would not want someone like that in my home, and I would not allow them in my home.

angelbears
by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 6:20 PM

My dh has one of those on his side of the family..I would not enable his behavior by allowing him to move in with us. He needs some tough love and a couple of nights at the Y might give him some motivation to work more than 2 days a week!

MumsTheWord571
by Bronze Member on Mar. 1, 2012 at 6:24 PM
I won't let my BIL live with us. He's a great guy and all just immature and I don't want weed in my house.

Your BIL? No way.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamaK313
by on Mar. 1, 2012 at 6:24 PM

My  BIL has his act together and I still wouldn't allow him to live here. I definitely wouldn't put up with what you have for six months!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)