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Transitions are hard

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:44 PM
  • 24 Replies

I transitioning from being single for so long to being married and having a 3 month old baby. I am finding it challenging to balance out things in my life at this time - especially with my social life. Most of my friends are currently single with no kids or are in a relationship but have no kids. And I am noticing that I am not being called by my gfs to go out and in the beginning I had this mentality "everyone has diffirent schedules" but now its been 3 months since my son was born and not a lot of them call me to go out for dinner, movies or even coffee. Is that a sign that means I should perhaps start making new friends? And why have they not called to say they would like to meet my son? Am I being too sensitive about this?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CreziaMommyTo2
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:49 PM

your friends have not met your son and hes 3 months old?  really? sorry but those arent friends...  the ONLY friend of mine that did not meet my DD until she was 2 had a VERY good reason.. she was living in Dubai.

but the way you said they have not called to say they would like to meet my son, has me thinking that the only way you would go out is if came with you.

IDK, when i became a mom, my best friends came to see my at the hospital and they live over an hour away... we still went out once a month (because of the distance withOUT my son)

then slowly each got married and we each had more kids or a first for some, and now we are lucky if we see each other 2x a year...  but when i moved where i live now and i had kids, i made friends... almost 5 years later we are still friends our kids have grown up with eachother and we have little ones who are the same age as well.

nyr818
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:55 PM

@Crezie>My husband said the same thing. He says that these people are not REAL friends and that I shouldn't hold my breath. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt which I always do, but its been long enough. Maybe you are right, maybe I should just bring him along with me. But then that would be making it convenient for them, don't you think? If they are my friends, shouldn't they want to come and visit me? Only a handful of my friends have actually met my son. It is those that I thought were my REAL friends have not contacted me at all. This makes me a bit sad. Again, being too sensitive?

SDarvasi
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I was the exact same! And the only friend I had that was married with kids, I got rid of for other reasons.

It takes time...I'm sure you still have one or two friends, married or not, that you used to have. Reach out to some old ones. Make some new ones. Moms are always good friends! =) Easier to relate to when you're a mom.

KylesMom409
by Linnette on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree 100% with the 2nd part of the reply.

Quoting SDarvasi:

I was the exact same! And the only friend I had that was married with kids, I got rid of for other reasons.

It takes time...I'm sure you still have one or two friends, married or not, that you used to have. Reach out to some old ones. Make some new ones. Moms are always good friends! =) Easier to relate to when you're a mom.

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SDarvasi
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:14 PM

lol I hope it didnt make me sound like a loner. I have lots of friends. Just only ONE that was married...lol MORE that are married npw.

Quoting KylesMom409:

I agree 100% with the 2nd part of the reply.

Quoting SDarvasi:

I was the exact same! And the only friend I had that was married with kids, I got rid of for other reasons.

It takes time...I'm sure you still have one or two friends, married or not, that you used to have. Reach out to some old ones. Make some new ones. Moms are always good friends! =) Easier to relate to when you're a mom.


nyr818
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 11:31 AM

I appreciate the responses to my post. It is definetly something that needs getting used to. I just find it interesting how friend dynamic can change so much. In any case, I hope to develop new friendships this year.

countrymomma81
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 11:52 AM

I was guilty of that. And the sad part is, I have kids of my own. I'm just not a kid person and the last thing I wanted was to spend our whole visit or phone conversation hearing a baby cry. Maybe they aren't "baby people". They probably figure you are tired or don't have a babysitter and won't want to get out anyway. 

My kids are in school all day, the last thing I want to do is hang out with someone else's. I know it sounds bad, but it is what it is.  I don't mind other people's kids when they are older, but newborn to about 7, I can't deal with. Especially if they aren't mine. I have plenty of friends with kids now, but they are all older. 

nyr818
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 3:47 PM

@Countrymama > I like that you are coming from the other side. I appreciate it. And I did think about some of them that could possibly non-baby people, you know? But don't you think that if my friends were really good friends, and if they are non-baby folk, they would still want to reach out to me and at least ask me how I am doing? Their friend? Again, thanks for providing another side. :)

yourpassion
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 3:52 PM
This is me!!! Only my kids aren't in school all day yet.
I'm not big on other peoples kids! I don't offer to watch anyone's either. It's awful I know, but loving to be around other people's kids is not a gift that was given to me.

Quoting countrymomma81:

I was guilty of that. And the sad part is, I have kids of my own. I'm just not a kid person and the last thing I wanted was to spend our whole visit or phone conversation hearing a baby cry. Maybe they aren't "baby people". They probably figure you are tired or don't have a babysitter and won't want to get out anyway. 

My kids are in school all day, the last thing I want to do is hang out with someone else's. I know it sounds bad, but it is what it is.  I don't mind other people's kids when they are older, but newborn to about 7, I can't deal with. Especially if they aren't mine. I have plenty of friends with kids now, but they are all older. 



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countrymomma81
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:07 PM

I feel horrible about it, but I can't help the way I feel. 

I have this one friend who knows exactly how I feel, yet when she wasn't working she was constantly calling me and asking me to go spend the day with her and her son. I understand all she wanted was some adult time, but I wasn't the one to give it. I went with her a few times shopping with him. Turns out all she really wanted was someone to keep him occupied while she shopped. Uh, no. My kids are in school, this is my outing too! 

Not everyone sees babies as "bundles of joy". It sucks, but that's just the way it is.  

Quoting yourpassion:

This is me!!! Only my kids aren't in school all day yet.
I'm not big on other peoples kids! I don't offer to watch anyone's either. It's awful I know, but loving to be around other people's kids is not a gift that was given to me.

Quoting countrymomma81:

I was guilty of that. And the sad part is, I have kids of my own. I'm just not a kid person and the last thing I wanted was to spend our whole visit or phone conversation hearing a baby cry. Maybe they aren't "baby people". They probably figure you are tired or don't have a babysitter and won't want to get out anyway. 

My kids are in school all day, the last thing I want to do is hang out with someone else's. I know it sounds bad, but it is what it is.  I don't mind other people's kids when they are older, but newborn to about 7, I can't deal with. Especially if they aren't mine. I have plenty of friends with kids now, but they are all older. 




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