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Am I allowed to be a little mad???

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:08 PM
  • 18 Replies

 I know it will take some time to settle and its not my In laws fault for the house fire but I have not had any time alone with my Husband in 2 weeks. He is the go to guy for everything and is only 35 yrs old. He takes care of his Aunts and Parents bills, bank acct, and now all the insurance crap for the house fire. His parents are 56 and 54 yrs old and his Aunt is in her 60's and worked for the IRS for gosh sakes.  Everytime I turn around his phone rings, we start talking and either his Mom or Aunt calls him. Tuesday night he got home a little late because of his Nutrition appt and as soon as he walked in the door he was on the phone, I had to take my daughter to dance  Got home at 8p and still didnt get to talk to my Hubby until 10p by then I was tired and fell asleep. Wednesday 9p and he is helping his Dad apply for a job.

I just want my Husband back :(


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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
squeekers
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:10 PM

 tell him to hang up the phone

momma2b2008
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:13 PM
4 moms liked this
It sound like he needs to learn the word "no" and how and when to use said word correctly!
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nodramamama311
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:25 PM
You are certainly allowed! I get it that he's a good guy and helps his family but it kind of sounds like either he's way too nice or people are taking advantage of him OR both. I would sit him down, tell him you seriously need to talk to him and just spill it. You have to make him understand that you're not upset with him for being a good person but that you need your husband, like any married woman would. If he's mature on any level he will understand what you are telling him. Good luck!
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nodramamama311
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:27 PM
P.S , I speak from experience. So I'm not just blowing smoke.
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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:28 PM

He's too nice to them,I'd be mad too! But,what a sweetheart you married! I suggest a family meeting,first just the two of you,to set boundaries,for example "no phone calls after 7" or whatever,then you tell them together,good luck honey.

Marimaru
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:49 AM

Do this.  Tell him to tell his family he'll help them up until 6pm on X days, but that other days are for his family and taking care of their needs.

I can tell you from experience that his family WILL get pissy.  And how he decides to tell them about it will probably determine whether they are mad at him, or you, but they'll get over it, because they'll still want his help.  I am also speaking from experience here.  I was a horrible bitch when I started saying no to people in my family.  Then later it comes out that they all know it was better for me.  I often thank my husband for helping me have the strength to get out of doormat mode.

Quoting nodramamama311:

You are certainly allowed! I get it that he's a good guy and helps his family but it kind of sounds like either he's way too nice or people are taking advantage of him OR both. I would sit him down, tell him you seriously need to talk to him and just spill it. You have to make him understand that you're not upset with him for being a good person but that you need your husband, like any married woman would. If he's mature on any level he will understand what you are telling him. Good luck!


Marimaru


Mommy of Isabelle Rose, born 10/11/2009
New baby girl due 07/26/2012

mamaslilpunkin
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 7:20 AM

 Unless said parents and aunt are mentally incapacitaed,they need to take care of their own stuff.I mean seriously?Parents are in their 50's and they need help already?I can see if they were like pushing 80 or something and needing help.Sounds like they are taking advantage.The hubby needs to take care of his own family's needs first.

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LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 8:30 AM

 We have had this talk plenty of times, it started getting better but now the house caught on fire and He is the go to guy for that. Seriously he was there watching hte Firemen with the house and the adjusters started coming in and my Aunt and Parents pushed all of them straight to Hubby. I know he is a smart sweet guy but I can see the toll it is taking on him and never wants to hear it from me. I am really trying not to open my mouth since it has a lot to do with the House Fire but until they find a new place to live until their house gets rebuilt this may be my life for the next 9 months :(

Quoting nodramamama311:

You are certainly allowed! I get it that he's a good guy and helps his family but it kind of sounds like either he's way too nice or people are taking advantage of him OR both. I would sit him down, tell him you seriously need to talk to him and just spill it. You have to make him understand that you're not upset with him for being a good person but that you need your husband, like any married woman would. If he's mature on any level he will understand what you are telling him. Good luck!

 


Owner of Groups:


http://www.cafemom.com/group/114224  May 2005 Kids


http://www.cafemom.com/group/114223 September 2002 kids


http://www.cafemom.com/group/116341 Once Upon A Time (TV Series)

LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 8:36 AM

 I have been saying this for YEARS!!! Yes years he has been taking over his Parents bills for almost 5yrs now because his Mother loves to shop yet she NEVER has anything to wear or any food in her house. I know his Mom and Aunt are in their glory right now having to shop for all new clothes, shoes, jewelery. They were able to spend over $1000 in 2 weeks, which can't be too hard since they really have nothing.

Quoting mamaslilpunkin:

 Unless said parents and aunt are mentally incapacitaed,they need to take care of their own stuff.I mean seriously?Parents are in their 50's and they need help already?I can see if they were like pushing 80 or something and needing help.Sounds like they are taking advantage.The hubby needs to take care of his own family's needs first.

 


Owner of Groups:


http://www.cafemom.com/group/114224  May 2005 Kids


http://www.cafemom.com/group/114223 September 2002 kids


http://www.cafemom.com/group/116341 Once Upon A Time (TV Series)

nodramamama311
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 9:03 AM
I don't know what to tell you then. I feel for you and I know it's easy to comment when you're outside the situation. I just know that it would cause problems for my marriage and I wouldn't put up with it. I hope you all can make it through this time and hopefully in the future he will be less taken advantage of. Sometimes tough love is needed though, for his family I mean.


Quoting LuvHugs429:

 We have had this talk plenty of times, it started getting better but now the house caught on fire and He is the go to guy for that. Seriously he was there watching hte Firemen with the house and the adjusters started coming in and my Aunt and Parents pushed all of them straight to Hubby. I know he is a smart sweet guy but I can see the toll it is taking on him and never wants to hear it from me. I am really trying not to open my mouth since it has a lot to do with the House Fire but until they find a new place to live until their house gets rebuilt this may be my life for the next 9 months :(


Quoting nodramamama311:

You are certainly allowed! I get it that he's a good guy and helps his family but it kind of sounds like either he's way too nice or people are taking advantage of him OR both. I would sit him down, tell him you seriously need to talk to him and just spill it. You have to make him understand that you're not upset with him for being a good person but that you need your husband, like any married woman would. If he's mature on any level he will understand what you are telling him. Good luck!

 


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