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Rude Comment from my Husband

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 11:36 AM
  • 15 Replies
1 mom liked this

 We have been married almost 10 years, he is my 2nd husband.  My 1st husband was abusive.  Verbally, emotionally, physically.  It took me a long time to trust another man in a relationship.  Recently my husband has started making comments about my first marriage. 

Last night there was a story on the news about a man on trial for beating his girlfriend's 5 year old son.  My 15 yr old daughter and I were talking about how people could hit children like that, how sick that person would have to be, to be ok to hurt a child so bad.  My husband looked at me and said Well, you stuck around in an abusive marriage for too long, you should know how it would be easy for him to beat you and then just move on to the kids.

Now he can't understand why I don't want to talk to him.   I don't know if I took that comment the wrong way and am being too sensitive about it or if me being hurt is justified.  He's made quite a few similar comments in the past few months and I'm getting tired of being reminded of that.  I know it was wrong of me to stay as long as I did but at least I got out before my ex got to the point of hitting my kids as well.  He rarely sees the kids because he lives in another state and as far as I know he hasn't hit them.  He just tends to avoid them when they are with him and he lets his wife take care of them.

I've tried to explain to my husband how those comments hurt but he doesn't seem to understand.  I wish I could find a way to make him understand.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Amberleigh81
by Member on May. 3, 2012 at 11:57 AM
2 moms liked this
Wow. Rude! Sometimes men have no clue how hurtful comments can be!
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maidjillian
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:10 PM
6 moms liked this

He doesn't know what he is talking about.  If he doesn't understand why that was inappropriate, he'll never get it.

You as the adult being abused could escape easier than a helpless child.  That's one main difference.  Kids have yet to develop the survival skills to stand up to an abuser- to them it's "normal." 

You dh needs to shut up and quit talking about your 1st marriage.  You've moved on, it's time he did too.

Oh and he needs to quit blaming the victim too (as in you, for staying so long in an abusive marriage)  It was NOT your fault.

SheriEcker
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:15 PM
3 moms liked this
Tell him that was then and this now, and you know better now...so if he makes one more comment about your past relationships he will find HIS butt on the curb! That is wrong to keep bringing up the past. The past is just that!
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whitedaisies
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:20 PM

i would be hurt also, ask he why he keeps bringing him up and let him know that was the past and the future is with him.

MsMellyMc
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:24 PM

Tell him if he don't shut his mouth, he's gonna be the one on the other end of a beat down!!  haha

(kidding of course...gahhh)

KW1280
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:27 PM


Quoting maidjillian:

He doesn't know what he is talking about.  If he doesn't understand why that was inappropriate, he'll never get it.

You as the adult being abused could escape easier than a helpless child.  That's one main difference.  Kids have yet to develop the survival skills to stand up to an abuser- to them it's "normal." 

You dh needs to shut up and quit talking about your 1st marriage.  You've moved on, it's time he did too.

Oh and he needs to quit blaming the victim too (as in you, for staying so long in an abusive marriage)  It was NOT your fault.

clapping

yourpassion
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:27 PM
That's incredibly hurtful, disrespectful, and out right mean! You are not overly sensitive. I'm sure there's something he's done in the past he's learned from. Maybe he should think about getting that thrown in face a few times.
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opal10161973
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

That's why!  It may time to go to some therapy.  He needs to stop talking about what you did more than a decade ago before he even knew you.  Every time he tries or says something like that, cut him off and remind him that it's inappropriate.  Or you could bring up all the skanks he used to date and throw those in his face, but that's not very adult.  However, it may finally get through his thick skull how wrong that is.  GL

evensmummy
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:30 PM
I was going to comment, but she said everything I would have. And much better than I would have.

Quoting maidjillian:

He doesn't know what he is talking about.  If he doesn't understand why that was inappropriate, he'll never get it.

You as the adult being abused could escape easier than a helpless child.  That's one main difference.  Kids have yet to develop the survival skills to stand up to an abuser- to them it's "normal." 

You dh needs to shut up and quit talking about your 1st marriage.  You've moved on, it's time he did too.

Oh and he needs to quit blaming the victim too (as in you, for staying so long in an abusive marriage)  It was NOT your fault.

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DestinyHLewis
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:55 PM

Most men work on logic. I would imagine at the time he didn't intend to have his foot shoved so far don his mouth that he'd need a surgeon to remove it. ;-) Talk to him calmly and let him know how much that comment hurt you, and why. No name calling or comparing him to your ex. People make mistakes. It was out of line, insensitive, rude, and borderline abusive, but I am betting he just didn't think before he spoke. Communication is key in any relationship. Don't respondwith the "silent" treatment, it will only hurt you both. Chances are good, being a man, he has no clue how awful what he said was. To him he was probably "stating the obvious", as far as he was concerned, and didn't mean any harm. If you approach him about this in love, I bet he will apologize and think twice before speaking without thinking next time. (((HUGS)))) I know that hurt.

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