Couples Who Don't Live Together Before Marriage Are Asking For It! Do You Agree?

[Cafe Kelly]

Couples Who Don't Live Together Before Marriage Are Asking For It

Posted by Sasha Brown-Worsham

There are many times I realize I live in a bubble, but almost none are more obvious than the times I realize not everyone moves in with their boyfriend or girlfriend prior to engagement. In my neck of the woods (the urban Northeast), there is not a single couple I know who did not test drive the relationship by living together first.

For every couple I know who lived together, I also know a couple who is still happily married 12, 15, and 20 years later. Sure, I also know a couple of divorced couples, but the irony is, the ones I know are some of whom never lived together (and also do not live in my state). So why are so many articles always coming out saying how bad it is to live together before marriage?

Personally, I lived with two men, one whom I married and one I did not. And I am deeply grateful for them both.

The first one ended horribly, with unpaid bills, screaming fights, and me back in my parent's house for a month. But I am glad it ended. In that case we had become engaged before we moved in together. Had we married rather than moved in, I would be divorced now. Maybe that does not seem like a big deal given how hard it was to move out. But at least I did not have any legal hassle.

As for the second one, here we are, 11 years and two kids later, still going strong. Living together did not hurt us. If anything, it made us know each other better and made us stronger. By the time we walked down the aisle, we had been living together for a year and a half. We knew everything about one another's habits and quirks. I knew how he threw his clothing on the floor and he knew I was not a stickler for cleanliness.

The few people I DO know who did not live together were under 23 when they married, more religious and did not live in cities. And all of them said that they had a steeper learning curve than my husband and I did. They had never even grocery shopped together when they got married.

We had our little life and sure, it made marriage a little anti-climactic, but a wedding is wonderful whenever it happens and my husband and I were deeply enmeshed in each other's lives once we married.

I honestly can't imagine our marriage would be as strong without living together. So for every article saying how "bad" it is, consider this: Every couple I know almost lived together prior to marriage and they are all happily married with children now.

Sure, it could go either way, but I never would have married a man without first living in the same house.

Did you live together before marriage?

 

[sheri305]

I think it is a good idea to live together before marraige.And yes,we lived together 2 yrs before marraige....

[workoutmom2b1g]

I think the issue for most is religious belief. I lived with my husband before marriage and we are going strong 8 yrs later. To each their own! 

[TableforSeven]

DH and I did not live together before we were married.  We celebrated 20 years of wedded-bliss this past Jan 31st.  We also married 'young' - I was 18, he was 19.  Top that off with the fact that we had only dated for 6 months....and had only even KNOWN each other for 9 months on our wedding day -- and I'm pretty sure no one thought we'd make it./....but we're the happiest couple I've ever met.

[Strega]

My Husband and I lived together before we Married. We've been Married over 10 years now. It was a good idea for us.

My ex-Husband and I didn't live together beforehand, and we were very young (I was 16, he was 18). We divorced 7 years later.

[BannerElkHogans]

yes we lived very happy in sin...........we had a ceremony but it wasn't legal..........then we had a legal marriage in North Carolina!      Did u know it's against the law in North Carolina to co-habit a home an not be legally married!!!  an yes it's true :) ha ha ha ha ha

[CDMelty]

I had never lived with a man before marrying DH. I just hadn't had that serious of a relationship, then I had DD and was unwilling to give her a male authority figure in the house without enough certainty to marry him. If I wasn't sure enough to get married I definitely wasn't sure enough to pin her heart on it working out.  So I married DH (6 months after meeting him) and he moved in. Eight years and 2 more kids later, we're still happily married. We had the learning curve, but we would have had that without the marriage. With the marriage, however, we HAD to make it work. He had no other option. We were in it for life, not just shacking up. If we'd just been living together I don't think it would have worked out. We would have just decided we were incompatible and broken up, but since we were married that wasn't an option so we did whatever it took to make it work.

[MommaRoseT]

Not only did we live together first, we had two children.  Ultimately we did get married. I like to say we did things the hollywood way. :)

[sandra1023]

We did not live together first (we were married at 18).  We have now been married almost 16 years.

[metzeli]

We lived together after knowing eachother less than 3 mos. Then married a year later. Some of his habits and stuff still annoy me and we get into arguments but it all still works out in the end and we are still happy with all three kids.

[nodramamama311]

I lived with both husbands before getting married. First one we lived together for about 5 yrs, marriage lasted 18 months. My husband now we lived together for A year and a half before marriage and had a baby during that time, been married 4 yrs now and going strong.