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Couples Who Don't Live Together Before Marriage Are Asking For It! Do You Agree?

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Couples Who Don't Live Together Before Marriage Are Asking For It

There are many times I realize I live in a bubble, but almost none are more obvious than the times I realize not everyone moves in with their boyfriend or girlfriend prior to engagement. In my neck of the woods (the urban Northeast), there is not a single couple I know who did not test drive the relationship by living together first.

For every couple I know who lived together, I also know a couple who is still happily married 12, 15, and 20 years later. Sure, I also know a couple of divorced couples, but the irony is, the ones I know are some of whom never lived together (and also do not live in my state). So why are so many articles always coming out saying how bad it is to live together before marriage?

Personally, I lived with two men, one whom I married and one I did not. And I am deeply grateful for them both.

The first one ended horribly, with unpaid bills, screaming fights, and me back in my parent's house for a month. But I am glad it ended. In that case we had become engaged before we moved in together. Had we married rather than moved in, I would be divorced now. Maybe that does not seem like a big deal given how hard it was to move out. But at least I did not have any legal hassle.

As for the second one, here we are, 11 years and two kids later, still going strong. Living together did not hurt us. If anything, it made us know each other better and made us stronger. By the time we walked down the aisle, we had been living together for a year and a half. We knew everything about one another's habits and quirks. I knew how he threw his clothing on the floor and he knew I was not a stickler for cleanliness.

The few people I DO know who did not live together were under 23 when they married, more religious and did not live in cities. And all of them said that they had a steeper learning curve than my husband and I did. They had never even grocery shopped together when they got married.

We had our little life and sure, it made marriage a little anti-climactic, but a wedding is wonderful whenever it happens and my husband and I were deeply enmeshed in each other's lives once we married.

I honestly can't imagine our marriage would be as strong without living together. So for every article saying how "bad" it is, consider this: Every couple I know almost lived together prior to marriage and they are all happily married with children now.

Sure, it could go either way, but I never would have married a man without first living in the same house.

Did you live together before marriage?

 

by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:22 PM
Replies (31-40):
littleacorn
by on May. 9, 2012 at 3:29 AM
Yup. We'll be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary Thursday!
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Tea4Tas
by on May. 9, 2012 at 5:53 AM

Didn't live together before marriage and got divorced after 20 years (which had nothing to do with any living together habits)

I will add that my Mother is from a family of 6-all got married with no living together. My Mom has been married longest at 58 years this year, and everyone else has been married at least 45 years-no divorces.

mcginnisc
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 6:18 AM
1 mom liked this

No.We did not live together. We were 16 when we started dating so we lived with our parents. We lived with them while we went to College and worked since the College we attended was 5 minutes from our homes. We got married when we were 20 and we've been married for 16.5 years. 

Claire

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Quinn525
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 6:37 AM
I lived with dh for 2 years before we got. Married and win August it will be 11 years of wedded and crazy bliss.
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BeckyP.
by on May. 9, 2012 at 6:51 AM
You don't REALLY know someone until you live with them. I firmly believe this. My DH and I lived together for 2 years before we got married and we will be together 10 years in August. It worked for us and I wouldn't have done it any other way, but to each his own.
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zumbafreak11
by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:10 AM

I think it all really depends on the couple wherther or not t hey're headed for  divorce court.  I've been divorced for 5 years and yes, I did live with my ex-husband before we got married.

orcadarwin
by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:17 AM

We did not live together before getting married.  We will be married 10 years in November.  My mom and dad did not live together before getting married, and they will be celebrating 44 years on the 20th of this month.  They also never went out on a date before they got married.  

I really don't believe that living together before marriage has anything to do with staying married.  

itsm3
by on May. 9, 2012 at 7:32 AM

we lived together before marriage however, i don't agree with the article/statement above.  i know plenty of people who didn't live together before getting married and they're still married and happy.  



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Claughlin
by on May. 9, 2012 at 8:11 AM
This is untrue. People who believe this are not willing to work their a---s off for their marriage. Not saying that it won't end in divorce but working hard is part of marriage. Some people these days think that marriage is expendable. It's not!
wonderwomanT08
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2012 at 8:13 AM
If i would have lived with my ex before marriage i would have found out who he really was....a sick and twisted abuser.
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