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Who do you allow to "raise" your kids?

Posted by on May. 23, 2012 at 7:28 PM
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So while talking with my MIL on Mother's Day the topic of who you allow to disciple your kids came up.  For us it's pretty much anyone that has regular contact with them so long as it follows with our beliefs and allowances.  We also expect that if we're in someone else's home that they have a right to tell our son if he can't touch something or can't enter a certain room, etc.  It's their home, it's their rules, that is a matter of respect for us.  This has nothing to do with failing to do it ourselves, sometimes you just don't know and have to be told along with the kid, or maybe they're not directly in your line of sight.

My MIL told me that she's run into more fellow grandparents that aren't allowed to disciple their own grandchildren than those who can.  I don't just mean time outs and what not, I also mean even telling them "no" in general or "don't touch," or "get down," etc.  I found that shocking.  We allow them to do so even if we're right there, it's usually an issue of who sees it first as to who says something.  For us it's also an issue of learning to respect elders and authority figures as well as just appreciating the help in raising our son.  We trust that they, and other family and friends, have our son's best interest at heart.

Do you allow your parents and/or in-laws to tell your kids what they can and cannot do and disciple them?  If not, why not?  Do you allow friends or other family members to do so even when you're around?

{edit} Just a quick edit, we do not believe in spanking as an effective method of discipline and if anyone did spank my son I'd be livid.  We use timeouts and things like taking away tv time or games, things of that nature.

by on May. 23, 2012 at 7:28 PM
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by Silver Member on May. 23, 2012 at 7:41 PM
I do allow it to an extent. My mother is an ass , pardon me, and she will nitpick the heck out of every little thing my kids do, if they spend enough time there. She sees them once or twice a week now so it's not so bad. But when I am around I generally prefer have her leave that to me because we just don't see eye to eye on parenting styles. Sometimes she respects that, sometimes she doesn't.... Don't get me wrong, I love my mom very much, but we are very different types of moms!
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by on May. 23, 2012 at 7:42 PM

I guess I'd say the only people allowed to discipline our kids is the babysitter, if we're not here, and grandparents.  Not "time outs" or anything like that, we do that.  They can tell them no, don't touch and things like that.  If they don't listen, that's when we would step in and they get into trouble.  

At school, they're allowed to do time outs and whatever they feel is necessary, as long as they don't hit them.

Now, if we're at church or we have people over and our kids are doing something while we're not around (in a different room), then I don't mind if someone tells them no.  If they don't listen, that's when they get in trouble by us and we're the ones to tell them that they need to respect others.

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

by on May. 23, 2012 at 8:39 PM


by Gold Member on May. 23, 2012 at 8:43 PM
I have the same thoughts as you. When we are around other family members, we don't mind them disciplining our children if it's needed. If we see it first, of course we step in right away.
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by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2012 at 9:08 PM
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Absolutely I allowed any adult to tell my kids if they were out of line,within reason. They can learn easily what the rules are at any given house,drives me nuts when people don't disipline their kids. I hope my kids, when they become parents, will let me.

by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:15 PM

 i guess it comes down to trust. if you trust the people around you to have the best intent. it takes a village and all that

by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:17 PM
Both of my parents, my in-laws, and my ex-husband & girlfriend have regular interaction with & discipline my kids
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by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:33 PM

Our 2 year old has been taught that she is to mind adults. However not ALL adults are safe and she is learning that as well. She is to always to defer to me or DH or her older sister. He grandparents can discipline her to a point but I'm actually kinda picky about discipline and don't allow just anyone to punish. 

To me there is a diference between discipline and punishment. We believe in spanking but ONLY mommy or daddy spank..Now my mom has spanked her once and I was not happy about it either. I guess I should explain that my child is seldomly away from a parent alone. 


Teaching the next generation to Love God, and serve others.
Titus 2:3-5 (NKJV)
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:13 PM

We are hoping to raise our children to respect authority & their elders; we are pretty strict with discipline whereas the grandparents are pretty slack; however, we don't have a problem with grandparents telling them no; we reinforce the issue. My MIL has a lot of breakable decorations and they've always been attractive to our boys and usually we will tell them not to touch, and if they don't listen to us, Grandma will put it out of reach/sight so it isn't damaged.  Usually friends/other family members have the same freedom to discipline my boys and I appreciate it as all 3 of my boys like to scatter in different directions so I can't follow them all.

by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:49 PM
Any adult that knows my child well is allowed to discipline and set rules especially of we're in their home, my kids need to know to respect and obey all adults.
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