So I've been married for 5 years going on 6 next month. We have 2 awesome boys together. We have been through so much that I question my sanity. I have lived through his addiction, being practically homeless, no money...basically hitting rock bottom. But....I hung in there. He hasn't worked in about 5 years; and in those 5 years, I picked up the slack. From working at a fast food joint while heavily pregnant, to baking on the side, to working a corporate job....Ive done it all. We have lost apartments, cars, darn near everything....but I still held on. Well, I have a really good job and now that's in jeopardy because our only means of transportation is down. While hubby was lollygagging as usual, a belt broke and now other engine issues have happened. I was quoted $3000 and $1800.... which I just dont have. I can't save money because he spends it like water. In March HE spent $400 in gas alone.....not counting all of the other miscellaneous crap. I manage to keep us afloat, and comfortable but now I don't know what to do. My parents don't want to do much because we are both adults and need to handle our own business. Currently he is mad at me supposedly because of the car and we have to take a cab to the grocery store (which was a HUGE pain in the butt....and very reminiscent of years past). I am so burned out, hurt, scared, frustrated, angry, and sad. I need a husband who will just say to me "hey...I know we are going through this but, we will get through it". I need a hug, just some contact. By the way, we aren't intimate with each other unless I initiate it. It sucks. I feel unattractive because I don't have that light inside me anymore. My youngest son made me cry in the grocery store today because he said he wanted a new mom. I guess he sensed how much he hurt me and tried to retract it. I put my heart and soul into this family. I work when I don't feel good. I smile when I am broken. Even when hubby is mean and throwing a fit I still try to calm him down and smooth things out. I need something different. I hate my marriage and feel that I made an enormous mistake.
on May. 24, 2012 at 10:20 PM