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Advice PLEASE!??

Posted by on May. 25, 2012 at 12:50 PM
  • 23 Replies

I have an extremely smart 3 1/2 year old little girl.  She has been potty trained since she was 2 1/2.  The poopy training has not come so easily.  We have done so many things to motivate her but she refuses.  She will tell me her tummy hurts all the time.  I put her on the potty but she wont go until she gets off - she then hides in her room.  Lately she decided that she needs to clean herself up after going poop in her underwear or pull up (if it is after bath time - close to bed time she has a pull up on)  She still pees during the night so she needs to wear a pull up at night.  That is when she usually poops.  After I put her to bed last night, she pooped and then used stuffed animals, blankets, toys and her hands to clean herself up....OMG what a mess!!!  This is the second time she has done that in a row - she did it to her dad the night before.  We have done stickers, gone to the store for toys, we even did a poopy party with cupcakes and family over.  She will poop on the potty and then she will collect the reward and start pooping in her pants again.  We have also tried to make her clean it up but she absolutely refuses to do that and that becomes a losing battle.  We have given her time outs after she poops and have made her sit in it. She just doesn't care and is very manipulative.  I love her and think she is just adorable but MY GOD!  I cant take it anymore!!!  HELP ME!!!

by on May. 25, 2012 at 12:50 PM
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by on May. 25, 2012 at 12:52 PM

 my oldest did that so I think it is kinda normal. she will outgrow it I promise

by on May. 25, 2012 at 12:54 PM

In the mean time - while I am waiting for her to outgrow this, poop is all over my house.  Is there any way to stop that? 

by on May. 25, 2012 at 12:57 PM
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Maybe putting a potty chair in her room would help???
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by on May. 25, 2012 at 2:12 PM

My daughter was like that too, she just hated pooping in the toilet, but eventually got it down.

by on May. 25, 2012 at 4:57 PM

 What would happen if you didn't use a pull up at all?  Would she hold it until she got to the potty or woudl she just poop in her bed, or on the floor?  My oldest would always go in the pull ups, but when we finally stopped buying them she didn't want to mess on her clothes or the floor or bed so she learned to go in the potty.  Just worth a try...good luck.  :-)


Thought of something she going to start pre-school soon, if it is something she is interested in you could always tell her she can't be a big girl and go to school until she can go poopy in the potty.  :-)

by on May. 25, 2012 at 5:08 PM
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the "tummy hurting" concerns me. my youngest grandson is dealing with that and found out it is lack of fiber in his diet - very picky eater. he would hide to poop, too,  and twist himself around saying tummy hurt. he is now on fiber gummy bears and it is helping and he's not hiding to poop. if it is painful or a struggle for them to go, it seems to become an issue for them as well as us as they aren't regular and when it happens at inopportune times, they may feel upset about it. i know it is a HUGE mess, but try not to comment when cleaning it up other than to say things like, "Oh, you finally pooped, does it feel better? Next time maybe you can tell mommy and I will help you, okay?" just a thought. hang in there, it will get better.

by on May. 25, 2012 at 5:44 PM

Hmmm.  She is clearly ABLE to do this, or she wouldn't "collect the reward."  Do you have any idea about why she is refusing?  This may just be "one of those things," i.e., she doesn't like to use the potty, but is there any possibility that she wants attention or something along that line (control, perhaps?) and/or forcing you to clean up her mess gets her what she wants?  The fact that she's holding it (which is what I'm assuming given the pain in her tummy) also suggests to me that there is some control issue here -- either of herself and her body or of you. 

Since she does respond to reward, is there a way that you can have the reward be ongoing?  For example, if there is a favorite toy she likes (or wants) she gets it for a set period of time (approximately the time between normal movements) each time after she poops in the potty.  Then it gets taken away again until she poops in the potty.  The problem of having a party or reward that is one and done is that she CAN manipulate the situation.  If it is important to her and ongoing, you might have better luck.

by on May. 25, 2012 at 6:40 PM
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Part of this is normal behavior for kids.  mine did it too (but only to my sister! lol).

The other part is control and attention getting.  Yelling at her for it isn't helping.  That will only make it worse and, frankly, it's a pointless waste of your time and energy too. All yelling will do is - maybe - make you feel better for a second, then you'll go back to being aggravated and miserable.

My advice -

Stop using humiliation as a tool to make her do what you want her to do (ie sitting in her own shit.  NOT what a good parent does.  Ever. )

Stop making a big deal out of a normal growth pattern.  Accept that things will be less than ideal for a bit but that she's developmentally right where she should be.

Stock up on cleaning supplies.

Use bigger bribes.  Someone suggested mentioning that she can't go to someplace special if she can't use the toilet for all her needs.  IF she likes it enough it just might work.

Most Importantly - TALK TO HER.  Don't just demand or explain or yell or be the only one saying anything.  Talk to and with her. Tell her why this is important in a way she'll get not just the adult reasons but the kid centered ones too.

Right now all you've talked about is the adult needs and wants - YOU can't take this anymore, YOU don't like cleaning things up, you don't like/want ......

I understand how tiresome this gets, I have 2 that I had to go through this with, but you need to focus on how pooping in the toilet will benefit her.  Once she sees that there's more benefit than punishment to doing so she'll start using it on her own and truly be toilet trained instead of just partially.

by on May. 25, 2012 at 11:16 PM

I am no help but here is a bump for good luck

by Kelly on May. 25, 2012 at 11:44 PM

Quoting sweetsurprise13:

I am no help but here is a bump for good luck

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