PIOG: I feel like my mother is being Selfish, we don't have time left! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So a little back ground first. My mother has been battleing cancer for almost 3 years now. The same week we found out that we were pregnant with our oldest son (now 20 months old), my mother was diagnoised with stage 3 advanced colon cancer. It has since moved through her digestive tract. Her time is getting limited.
My mother, step father, (refered to as Mike in the messages below), grandparents, everyone, etc reguse to give me details about my mothers worsening condition. My Mother in Law knows more than I do. My mother confides in her but wont tell me. This all makes me SO upset. I just want to know how much time (Some what) that we have left with her, and she keeps telling me, and acting like everything is fine, and she's going to live a long lige.
Anyways, below is an out of the blue message I got from my Aunt, with my reply. Am I wrong for feeling the way I am? How do I deal with this? How do I tell people to tell me the truth and to quit treating me like a child, that I DESERVE to know the truth, so I can make plans to make memories for my 2 young sons? I know my mom wants to hide it from me to "protect me", but she isn't protecting me. She's making it worse! I know she's sick, I know she's chemo sick, I know she has limited time, and looks like hell most days. But she's STILL MY MOM, and STILL the GRANDMOTHER of MY CHILDREN! WE don't care what she looks like or what she's going through. We love her and just want to spend as much time with her as we can before she goes. How to we tell her respectfully to be up front and honest with me!? Basically how do I tell her to stop being so selfish? (Because that's what it feels like to me.)
This is the message I got from my Aunt: my mother's oldest sister:
Hi "A". How is Zech doing? Love the pics of the kids. They are so precious. I talked to Grandma today and she said she has a long conversation with Mike's mom. Dale is not doing well and I don't know if you're aware of her worsen condition. Keep her in your prayers.
Hello Aunt "T":
Zech is doing pretty good. He is just growing so fast. He nurses well, and sleeps well. He's a good strong healthy ox just like his mama, dada, and big brother. =)
Thanks! I love pictures. My great grandmother on my dads moms side had alzheimers (Sp) and she couldn't remember what happened five mins ago, but when you brought out a "picture book" (Aka scrapbook) she would light up and could remember so many details. It's why I started scrapbooking, and got into photography. I want pictures to remember my babies, always.
Yeah, no one seems to want to tell me the entire truth of moms situation, including her. It really upsets me a lot. I know she isn't doing well, I can feel it. I'm sensitive to that sort of thing in other people. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to hide things from me. Mom says she's "protecting me". But I really don't understand what she's protecting me from? It hurts me when they insist on doing this.
I know she's getting worse, and I know her time is very limited. I just wish they would tell me so I know just how much time is left.
I'm really upset by it all, because my boys wont have good sound memories of their grandmother other than in photos, and my memories of her. I feel like she's robbing the boys of making memories before she goes.
Sorry to just unload on you, just so upset with it all. Most days I just try not to think about it, and push it out of my mind, sort of pretend it doesn't exsist. I know that isn't healthy thing to do, but it's what I have to do right now, for the boys. All 3 of them.