Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

30 Something Moms 30 Something Moms

That's what I want to scream at my friend. The woman is clueless on how babyish and destructive her children are. Today she had to leave them home alone for two hours (they had a half day and she had to work late at work), she got a call from a cop at her house because someone was calling laughing saying "poopie", "boobs", ect. The cop said the dispatcher herd both a boy and girl on the tape laughing and carrying on and they called at total of 15 times. She insists it is not her kids that did it and there must be something wrong with the 911 tracking system.

Her kids are almost 12 (next month) and 9. Both still tantrum in public like a 3 year old (not some times, ALL THE TIME. I have known her for 8 years and have never been with her a time both her kids did not have a complete screaming melt down), the 12 year old insists her mother still wipes her after she has a bowel movement. The 9 year old (with the encouragement of their father) constantly refers to her as the house slave and orders her to do things around the house. AND SHE DOES IT! I ask her why and she says "it is easier to just do it then to deal with the tantrum".

Whenever thy act out there is always some excuse why. "they are traumatized over the fire" (that was 7 years ago), "they are stressed over our strained marriage and their father's affair" (don't get me started on that, her husband is having an open affair and going onto dating sites. She still waits on him, cleans up after him, and does all his laundry as well as the sheets he screws his gf on. and the kids are probably stressed over it, but this was happening way before the affair began), "they are just spirited" (I bet that is exactly what inmates parents said about them!).

Honestly this woman's life is way out of control and she needs to get it together before these kids do something serious. I feel like an intervention is needed but I have no idea how to do it. I am her only friend (her family is dead and her husband does not allow her to call others besides me). Suggestions? I am really scared for her :(

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:38 PM
Replies (11-17):
IQuitCounting
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:09 PM

My guess is she's got issues.  No emotionally healthy individual would put up with that.  She likely lacks self confidence and has a need to be loved (hence the doing as she's "told") and a fear of not being so.  She sounds like a beat down woman.  Emotional abuse from the husband, and the kids are taking after him and adding to it.  What she needs is someone to make her feel better about herself, because until that happens she'll put up with anything rather than risk losing everything.

rebeccasmly
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:18 PM
1 mom liked this

This just makes me cringe. I heard similar threats if he even thought I was thinking about leaving. What finally prompted me to leave was my kids. I didn't want them growing up to think what their father did was correct and they could treat their future wives like that. I pray your friend finds the strength to get out and run. I know she is believing his lies right now but be the positive side of every lie he says. Don't be pushy. Don't tell her she's wrong (because trust me, she probably hears that enough). Just be there for her, be  a positive light in all this.

Quoting JoGibson:

At one point I set her up with a friend that lives by her and is a therapist. For a while she was going behind her husband's back. When he found out he told her he would have her declared mentally incompetent in court and take the kids. Since then she has not been back :(

She needs to get away, but she just won't.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

Yikes! it sounds like mom needs some help, seriously. I've been to the point your describing your friend. My ex verbally (physical came later) beat me down and I just allowed things because I felt I needed to to keep him happy. I was even scared to parent my own children because of what he would say/do.



JoGibson
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:25 PM

I think one of her fears is dealing with the kids alone, but I think they would (with a lot of work) straighten out without dad's influence.

I know she is desperate to be loved, she has adopted 6 cats to just have something that is positive towards her in the house.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

This just makes me cringe. I heard similar threats if he even thought I was thinking about leaving. What finally prompted me to leave was my kids. I didn't want them growing up to think what their father did was correct and they could treat their future wives like that. I pray your friend finds the strength to get out and run. I know she is believing his lies right now but be the positive side of every lie he says. Don't be pushy. Don't tell her she's wrong (because trust me, she probably hears that enough). Just be there for her, be  a positive light in all this.

Quoting JoGibson:

At one point I set her up with a friend that lives by her and is a therapist. For a while she was going behind her husband's back. When he found out he told her he would have her declared mentally incompetent in court and take the kids. Since then she has not been back :(

She needs to get away, but she just won't.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

Yikes! it sounds like mom needs some help, seriously. I've been to the point your describing your friend. My ex verbally (physical came later) beat me down and I just allowed things because I felt I needed to to keep him happy. I was even scared to parent my own children because of what he would say/do.




ashleywagoner
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 6:40 PM
Poor thing :(


Quoting JoGibson:

I think one of her fears is dealing with the kids alone, but I think they would (with a lot of work) straighten out without dad's influence.

I know she is desperate to be loved, she has adopted 6 cats to just have something that is positive towards her in the house.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

This just makes me cringe. I heard similar threats if he even thought I was thinking about leaving. What finally prompted me to leave was my kids. I didn't want them growing up to think what their father did was correct and they could treat their future wives like that. I pray your friend finds the strength to get out and run. I know she is believing his lies right now but be the positive side of every lie he says. Don't be pushy. Don't tell her she's wrong (because trust me, she probably hears that enough). Just be there for her, be  a positive light in all this.

Quoting JoGibson:

At one point I set her up with a friend that lives by her and is a therapist. For a while she was going behind her husband's back. When he found out he told her he would have her declared mentally incompetent in court and take the kids. Since then she has not been back :(

She needs to get away, but she just won't.

Quoting rebeccasmly:

Yikes! it sounds like mom needs some help, seriously. I've been to the point your describing your friend. My ex verbally (physical came later) beat me down and I just allowed things because I felt I needed to to keep him happy. I was even scared to parent my own children because of what he would say/do.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Dannille33
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 7:13 PM
Wow! I totally agree!


Quoting Strega:

Yikes. Those ages are definitely too old to be acting like that.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything you can do for her. She has to be the one to reach a limit and finally take control.

Sounds like a very crazy situation.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KylesMom409
by Linnette on Jun. 19, 2012 at 7:41 PM
I agree. Hugs!

Quoting ashleywagoner:

Sounds like she doesn't have any friends. Instead of judging, if you want to be her friend, voice your concerns, but be there for her. It is her life, you aren't living it. Her kids, her husband. You may just have to step back from the friendship if it bothers you too much.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Marimaru
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 10:11 PM

If the kids are traumatized from things, maybe suggest the KIDS need some counceling to deal with those issues.  Not that it sounds like the father would allow it, but it might be an avenue worth trying.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)