Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

30 Something Moms 30 Something Moms

How do you keep yourself motivated when your family unmotivates you?

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2012 at 2:37 AM
  • 25 Replies

When it comes to getting stuff done around the house, errand, bills, groc. and so on. My husband notices nothing it seems and of course the kids don't. (I don't expect the kids to but a grown man, my husband should) Even knowing this I can keep going but my husband tends to say or do something that really hits a sore spot. It brings me down, makes me feel unmotivated all over again and I just want to let everything go and let them all live in thier own filth. Problem is I live with them too and the house being in chaos all the time makes me uncomfortable, uneasy, more stressed even. Kind of like I don't have it together kind of feeling. Not to mention, the gripes you get when no one has clothes, clean towels or food in the house. They don't notice the million things (all those many, little tedious things that pile up) you do but they sure notice when you don't do them. I was just on here trying to find some motivation and encouragement to keep going and dh comes and acts like a you know what. Now I'm back to feeling discouraged and unmotivated. I know I can choose how I feel and to decide to stay motivated but I'm getting so tired of feeling taken for granted which is exactly what he managed to do AGAIN. Does anyone else deal with this? If so how do you let it not bother you and stay motivated anyway? Talking to him about the things he's doing would probably only lead to him telling me I'm over reacting and that at least I don't have to go to work everyday. That I shouldn't expect him to do anything after he's been working all day while I'm at home. It don't seem to dawn on him that when he gets home and kicks his feet up or sits in his "man cave" for hours on end that I am out here steady going. I don't ask him to help out with house stuff because I do feel I'm home all day so this is my part. This is my job so to speak. The only time I get my panties in a wad is when he trys to act like I've been doing nothing. I honestly feel like he gets more of a break than I do and he's the one working outside the home. Ok, this post is going on too long and I'm getting carried away. Sorry. just frustrated. Don't know how to make my husband see that he's making me feel terrible.

by on Jun. 23, 2012 at 2:37 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 3:12 PM
Well I do that and I work nights and still do that in the day while I take care of my 2 yr old, so I think ?I have it worse than you. I stopped putting away hubby's laundry and I cook so they have leftovers at least twice a week. He also has to put out trash and put away dishes.
chinosruca
by on Jun. 23, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Maybe get a job and it will make you feel more appreciated. Maybe they will show more appreciation. I work 40+ hours a week and keep my house in order, always have time for me, and enjoy quality time with my kids. My husband shows me appreciation because my personality is one that commands respect. I don't sit back with a pitty me attitude. I get tired and feel beat dowb sometimes, but as a wife and mother, I have responsibilties to keep up with. Luckily, my husband helps with the kids & house. He is an awesome guy. That is why I married him.

You need to demand respect. If you don't, they will continue to teat you that way. Always.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mamaslilpunkin
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 4:04 PM

 I feel like I could've written that post,lol,except that my hubby doesn't say things to bring me down.But other than that,I'm in the exact same boat as you.Only that I learned a long time ago not to clean for other people(meaning my "darling" family :) ) and to clean for ME,because I need the house clean,laundry done,groceries in the house,etc.In the past,I would clean and do all those things for my family(which I still do)expecting  to get a pat on the back at the end of the day.Since I have changed my thinking(which took some time to do,hard to break old thought patterns)and I am a much happier person! :)

in love                           blowing bubbles               puppy




Nathan & Tracey 06.12.99             Grace 10.10.03            Jonas 08.28.10

christina259
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 8:47 PM

 

Quoting chinosruca:

Maybe get a job and it will make you feel more appreciated. Maybe they will show more appreciation. I work 40+ hours a week and keep my house in order, always have time for me, and enjoy quality time with my kids. My husband shows me appreciation because my personality is one that commands respect. I don't sit back with a pitty me attitude. I get tired and feel beat dowb sometimes, but as a wife and mother, I have responsibilties to keep up with. Luckily, my husband helps with the kids & house. He is an awesome guy. That is why I married him.

You need to demand respect. If you don't, they will continue to teat you that way. Always.

 I do command respect, trust me I do. I see some people who seems to have husbands who get it and some who don't. I think that makes a big difference. I'm not trying to be a pity me type. I hate that. I was just feeling spent. I'm pregnant and whiny so shoot me,lol.

christina259
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 8:50 PM

 

Quoting MixedCooke:

Well I do that and I work nights and still do that in the day while I take care of my 2 yr old, so I think ?I have it worse than you. I stopped putting away hubby's laundry and I cook so they have leftovers at least twice a week. He also has to put out trash and put away dishes.

 I do think of that. I was in your shoes once too where I was doing both so I know both sides. I think part of me does worry that I've given up my career only to be taken for granted for taking care of them but you're right. I need to stay focused on the positive that at least I don't have to do both. Its hard when dh makes his comments to keep a good perspective though. Typically I'm pretty happy with my situation but then he brings me down a bit. I'm just wondering how to not let it bring me down.

Poosaloosa
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 9:05 PM

My husband and I have an understanding now, and we share the chores.  But I remember one time, we had been married bout 3 years, and my husband basically went to work and came home and did NOTHING else.  We didn't have our son yet, but he wouldn't lift a finger around the house so I decided to not do anything and see how long it took before he noticed.  After 6 weeks the house was disgusting, and he still didn't care, I got MAD!!!  I finally asked if he even noticed.  He had, but didn't want to ask me what was up.   I said I was sick of being the only one to cook and clean, etc etc.  From then on we divided up the chores and it keeps us both motivated, because if one of us is doing our part, it gets the other one in gear.  But I know if your spouse doesn't help, than you have no motivation, ESPECIALLY if you are exhausted and no one is going to lift a finger to help.  Hang in there. 

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting christina259:


This one lady wrote a list of all things that she did and then how much it would cost for him to hire the people that did that and handed it to him. I also have hubby wake with them on Saturdays so not only do I get to sleep in but he has that private time in what they affectionately call Daddy Day.

For me I don't mind doing as much as I do because I know I am better at it. I just get pissed off when he doesn't do what little I ask of him or does a half-assed job of it or show appreciation for all I do with a reaction of the sleep.
vettechmom88
by Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 12:26 PM


Quoting MixedCooke:

Quoting christina259:


This one lady wrote a list of all things that she did and then how much it would cost for him to hire the people that did that and handed it to him. I also have hubby wake with them on Saturdays so not only do I get to sleep in but he has that private time in what they affectionately call Daddy Day.

For me I don't mind doing as much as I do because I know I am better at it. I just get pissed off when he doesn't do what little I ask of him or does a half-assed job of it or show appreciation for all I do with a reaction of the sleep.

i agree! do this! then he will see that you ARE working, and that all the things you do ARE worth a great deal! also remind him that he gets to clock in and out of his job every day, whereas you have to work 24/7/365 and dont get lunch breaks, vacations, and weekends off. 

"Never judge a man by how he treats his peers, judge him by how he treats his inferiors." ~ Albus Dumbledore

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2012 at 12:45 PM
2 moms liked this
You need to put on the calendar your "time off". Guys think we sit on our butt all day but as long as there are kids home, there is no break. I have a different opinion of SAHM once kids are in school not making messes all day....then you get a lot of down time. But, when kids are home...guys need reality check.

I left DH home alone with the kids for 3 days. They were about 4, kindr and 2nd grade. I made a point to get the house super clean before I left... He got a huge reality check of all I do. Then I got home and said, sorry, I didn't make the mess...you clean it!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KylesMom409
Report
Really wishing I didn't have to get up at 6 tomorrow. :(
Yesterday at 9:17 PM
by Linnette on Jun. 24, 2012 at 12:48 PM
I agree as well!

Quoting vettechmom88:


Quoting MixedCooke:

Quoting christina259:




This one lady wrote a list of all things that she did and then how much it would cost for him to hire the people that did that and handed it to him. I also have hubby wake with them on Saturdays so not only do I get to sleep in but he has that private time in what they affectionately call Daddy Day.



For me I don't mind doing as much as I do because I know I am better at it. I just get pissed off when he doesn't do what little I ask of him or does a half-assed job of it or show appreciation for all I do with a reaction of the sleep.

i agree! do this! then he will see that you ARE working, and that all the things you do ARE worth a great deal! also remind him that he gets to clock in and out of his job every day, whereas you have to work 24/7/365 and dont get lunch breaks, vacations, and weekends off. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)