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Tell me ladies. Does this interest you? Update2 new question

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I posted this in another group originally because I was nervous and wanted to be anon.  I figure the worst that can happen though is someone wont like it but thats ok because I want the truth I want to know if this is something you would read that would keep you interested?  I am competely open to any cristicism and if you dont like it please be honest.  Thanks in advance ladies!

I've made a few changes and added a little more. I know its still not perfect but I hope its a little better 


  I've written some more to the story, if anyone wants to read anymore pm me and I'll send you what I get as I get it.  Thanks again ladies for all your input and thanks for taking the time to read it.

    Would you prefer to read just a happy love story or a sad love story or something bittersweet?





            I awake to the annoying sound of my alarm clock, the light from another bright Los Angeles morning making its way through my window and into my sensitive green eyes.  I try to make out the time as my eyes adjust to the light. Oh no Its 8am already I'm going to be so late for work! Dr. Brack is going to be so pissed patients start coming in at 8:30. It's a boring optometrist's office so hopefully he can handle it. Maybe I can just skip the shower this morning, looking in the mirror at my incredibly oily dark blonde hair I can see that's not going to be an option. Perhaps I should just call in sick, yeah that could work, spend a day at the beach working on my tan I could definitely use it but I have so much to do . Okay into the shower and off to work.

            I make my way into my bathroom and into the shower. This bathroom is so small, a sink right through the door, an ugly yellow toilet right past the sink and on the other side a yellow shower with a frosted glass door that sits in the corner.  The walls and floor are covered in a hideous green tile and I really hate it but it's all I can afford unless Dr. B wants to give me a raise.  The water in the shower is so warm and helps me to wake up a little, that's really the only good thing about this place, great water pressure and it's always hot.   I take a second to relax and think through my plans for the day, I have to complete our inventory Dr. Brack wanted it done yesterday . I hate this damn green tile!  Ugh there goes my mind wondering again I need to stay on track.   I finish washing my hair,  scrub my body with my pretty orange loofah and hurry out of the shower.  I grab a towel from under the sink and wrap it around myself and another around my shoulder length hair.


            Standing in front of my full length mirror  I can see the reflection of my room.  Plain white walls, a bed with no headboard just sitting on rails covered in a pink blanket and a mismatched white bedside table and oak dresser.  Then there's me at the foot of the bed, my undies are starting to cut off my circulation, I can really see the weight I've put on recently.  I guess that's what happens when you live on fast food. I wish I had someone to diet with me that would make it so much easier.  Emma is already incredibly thin so she can't help me.  I would love to be as beautiful as her tall, slim, brown eyes, beautiful long curly brown hair she's so lucky. Maybe I should just try to be comfortable with myself, that's what I've read in all the magazines but really what do they know all the models look like they're starving.  


            I pull on my light purple button up shirt and my loose black pants now to find some shoes.  I go with the black flats and head out the door.  I reach the bottom of the steps and realize I forgot my purse, great this is exactly what I need today.  I rush back up the stairs toward my fourth floor apartment.  Just as I reach the last set of steps I trip over my own feet, being the klutz that I am, and fall twisting my ankle as I go.  Crap! Unable to put any weight on my foot I contemplate my options.  Hobble back down the stairs and try to get to work or make it to the apartment and call Emma to see if she can take a look at it. She's a great doctor.  That's actually how we met, I was in an accident  3 years ago and had to go in to be checked out,  she was so sweet and funny, at least something good came from that accident. I make the call get her voicemail.  Great now what? I guess I'll leave a message and hope she gets back to me.


            "Hey Emma its Ally, I've had a little accident and needed to see if you could help me out, call me back when you get a chance".


            I hope she calls soon the last thing I want to do is go to the emergency room, I hate that place it's so crowded.


            Now to call the office and get that over with. He picks up on the second ring maybe it's not too busy.

  "Allyson!! Where are you? I've been waiting for you for 25 minutes. What's going on?"

  "Dr Brack, I'm so sorry I've twisted my ankle and I can't make it in today."

  "Oh dear, well I hate to hear that you've injured yourself and I do hope you feel better but in the future I would appreciate a call!"

  "You're right.  Again I'm very sorry and it won't happen again, I'll be in tomorrow".

  " Okay I'll see you then make sure you get here early to complete this inventory."


            Well that went better than I thought it would.  I almost thought I would be fired he gets so angry over even the smallest things like when he thought I was taking too long in the bathroom and yelled at me for ten minutes about wasting company time.  I think he was a little embarrassed though after I explained my reasoning.  I assumed he had a better understanding of women and what goes on with their bodies being a doctor and all but, apparently not.  There's someone at the door and I hope its Molly she has a key and I won't have to get up, still knocking so I guess not.  I hobble over  to  the door  and open it to find a handsome face I don't recognize, beautiful blue eyes the color of the sky, short dark brown hair with a hint of curl, a clean shaven face with all his features perfectly proportioned.  He's tall and muscular wearing a light blue t-shirt, faded jeans and sneakers, he  looks familiar even though I know we've never met.

            "Can I help you?" I ask a little confused.

            "Hi I'm Michael Penley, Emma's brother. "



            Ah yes now I know why he looks so familiar, I've seen him in Emma's family photos.

            "Hi I'm Allyson Moore, nice to meet you."

            Really nice to meet you!

            "Emma's parking the car, she'll be up in a minute, she was worried so she sent me up to check on you.  I told her you might be freaked out since you didn't know me." 

            He smiles showing his beautifully perfect teeth then glances down at my feet and looks concerned probably because I'm balancing on one foot. 

            "Are you okay?"

            "Yeah I'll be fine I just twisted my ankle."

            "I'm so sorry I made you get up to answer the door I had no idea."

            "It's okay I should have explained it better when I called."

            "Let me help you back to the sofa."

            He puts his arm around my waist, pulls my arm up around his neck and walks me through the kitchen and past the bar to my blue and white checkered sofa.  He feels so strong yet so tender, if he wasn't holding me I think my knees would give out.  He helps me to prop my foot back up on the cedar coffee table and sits down next to me.  I never noticed how attractive Emma's brother is.  Maybe I'm just lonely, it has been 8 months since I broke up with that cheating jerk Josh. 

            I hate for him to see my tiny apartment and the mess that it's in, dirty clothes lying everywhere and my dishes from the last week piled up in the sink.  Emma appears in the doorway.

            "Ally are you alright, what happened to you?"

            "I'm ok, it's not a big deal, I just had a little fall."

            "You're so clumsy,  I should have known something like this would happen.  You need an apartment on the ground."  She giggles.

            "Let me have a look."

            She takes a moment to examine my injury.

            "It looks like it's just a sprain Ally you should be fine, you just need to keep it elevated, stay off of it and apply some ice to keep the swelling down.  Do you have an ice pack here?"

            "No but I'll get one."

            "Nonsense Ally you need to rest, I'll run out and get you one, I'll be back in five.  Can you keep her company Mikey?"

            "Sure,  If she's okay with that?"

            There's that handsome smile again!

            "Of course that's fine but really Emma you don't have to do that, I can handle myself."

            "Shh, I don't want to hear it! "

            Emma's out the door before I can argue anymore and leaves me in an awkward silence with her brother.  I could try to make conversation but I'm so bad at it, I 'm sure I would only embarrass myself.  He speaks up first interrupting my internal battle.

            "So Emma's told me a lot about you."

            "Really?  I wish I could say the same, I've only seen you in photos she hasn't said much of anything other than you're in real estate."

            "That's probably my fault  I tend to be pretty private and don't get to talk to her very much, plus she's usually busy at the hospital and I don't want to bother her."

            "Oh I see."

            "Hopefully that's going to change though, my girlfriend Sarah and I are planning to move out here if we can find a place."


            "Yeah, I'm pretty excited about the move, her not so much.  She doesn't want to leave her family but there are better opportunities for us out here and who can resist this warm sunny weather."

            "Yes it is very nice I love it out here."

            I fake a smile, I should have known he has a girlfriend how could he not as handsome as he is.  Well it's not like it would have mattered anyway, I can't date my best friends brother.

            "So how long are you going to be in town?"

            "The plan as of now is 2 weeks but it could be less or a little more, it just depends on how the search goes."

            "Are you staying with Emma?"

            "No she wanted me to but I like my privacy so I decided to stay in a hotel,  I also thought Sarah was going to be with me and it seemed better to do it that way."

            "Why isn't she?  If you don't mind my asking."

            "It's fine, her sister went into labor a few hours before we were supposed to leave and she wanted to stay with her."

            "Oh, well that's understandable."

            Emma finally makes it back to the apartment with my ice pack, a pizza from the restaurant down the street and a large soda.

            "I don't want you off this couch unless it's for the bathroom, I brought you everything you need so you won't need to be. Understand?"  She's so demanding when she's in doctor mode.

            "Yes doctor I won't move, thank you."

            "No problem Ally.  I'll try to swing back by after I drop Mikey off at the hotel and get him settled in call me if you need anything before then. "          

            "I will thanks again I'll see you later.  It was nice to meet you Michael."

            "You to Ally, Bye."


by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 3:51 PM
Replies (41-43):
by Member on Jul. 3, 2012 at 6:52 PM


by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 6:54 PM
Bitttersweat :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Linnette on Jul. 3, 2012 at 9:35 PM
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
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