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Is this fair to the rest of the kids?

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:48 PM
  • 25 Replies
Me and my dh have been married for 8 months now. I have 2 sons, 12 and 14, he has 1 son, 8 and 2 daughters, 15 and 17. The oldest 4 get along great. Up until probably 2 months after we got married, all his kids visited with us. We went to Florida for a week, had a great time, etc. Then they decided to stop coming. They never had a reason, it was always silly things. I don't feel good, my friends want to go to the movies, I don't have to, etc. Well, about a month ago, one of the girls said she just doesn't feel like coming, one said its because he wants to be with me, instead of them and if it weren't for me, he would be living with them all the time. Him and bm have been divorced for 7 years. Ok, to the point. The mediator they went to suggested he dies things one on one with them once a week. Today starts the youngest daughter, next Thursday starts the oldest daughter and they'll take turns. My problem is, we have never done fun things without all the kids. We waited for the fair last year until we had them all. We wait for movies, special restraunts, etc. Now he's going to do things with them because they all of a sudden decided they don't like me. In my opinion, that's not fair to my boys or his either. They're around when we do the boring stuff, no matter what. They're still here, no complaining. So why do the girls get fun stuff when they can't be bothered? If they go see a movie, the rest of the kids miss out because my husband won't want to see it again. And I can't take the rest of them to do things while he's out with the girls because we only have one car. It sucked having to explain to his son that he can't go since sissy was talking all day about what she gets to do, that he don't. So, my ss has been wanting papa johns for a while and we try not to eat too much junk food, so me and the 3 boys are gonna order pizza and watch a movie. Not as much fun, but its the best I can do right now. Any ideas on how to make the boys feel like they're not getting the short end of the stick?
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
billiejo79
by Bronze Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:52 PM
2 moms liked this

I think your idea of ordering pizza and watching a movie is a great idea. I don't know that you can do anything to totally make them feel like they aren't getting the short end of the stick.

lexipooh78
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 4:57 PM

If I understand correctly only the girls are getting to go do this. If that is true I agree that it is not fair. I do agree that each parent should spend some one on one time with each child but to exclude the boys from this really just seems unfair. Maybe  you can find a way to make sure the boys get their special day too and on the day whereone parent is doing the one on one thing the other parent can find something special to do with all the kids like you are doing with the pizza and movies tonight.  What ever happens I hope you are able to find a solution that works for your whole family.

ambie25
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:00 PM
Thanks! I almost feel bad for thinking that its not fair, but its really not. Why should they get special treatment when the rest of the kids have to deal whether we have money to do fun stuff, or not. They chose to stop coming. My dh proposed to me on our vacation to Florida last year and asked them all before he did, if its ok. They were all excited. They were making plans for the wedding on the way home. Lol. I just don't know what happened. It's sad, yes, but it was their choices.


Quoting billiejo79:

I think your idea of ordering pizza and watching a movie is a great idea. I don't know that you can do anything to totally make them feel like they aren't getting the short end of the stick.


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ambie25
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:04 PM
Yes, just the girls. Even his son is getting left out. We always do things as a family, which we will continue, but if dh has seen a movie with the girls, I'm afraid he won't want to see it again. Plus, were not made of money. The 20 or 30 he's spending seperately could be used for them all.


Quoting lexipooh78:

If I understand correctly only the girls are getting to go do this. If that is true I agree that it is not fair. I do agree that each parent should spend some one on one time with each child but to exclude the boys from this really just seems unfair. Maybe  you can find a way to make sure the boys get their special day too and on the day whereone parent is doing the one on one thing the other parent can find something special to do with all the kids like you are doing with the pizza and movies tonight.  What ever happens I hope you are able to find a solution that works for your whole family.


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KylesMom409
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Well, Kyle had his first sleepover last night at his friend's house and it was successful! :) Can't wait to hear all about it when I pick him up.
Today at 9:27 AM
by Linnette on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:06 PM
I agree.

Quoting billiejo79:

I think your idea of ordering pizza and watching a movie is a great idea. I don't know that you can do anything to totally make them feel like they aren't getting the short end of the stick.

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smilesmile
by Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:07 PM

Mediators can be annoying.

VintageWife
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:07 PM
Sounds like they "won" so to speak. They throw a fit and now they get to do really fun things one-on-one that their brother or your kids don't get to do because they've taken up the car and resources. At least they are old enough that they'll be in college soon! I'd not like this arrangement.
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ambie25
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:28 PM
Me either. I love all our kids, but I think that's selfish on their parts. We would never take my boys without his kids anywhere because we didn't think it was fair. Even my boys understood that. If they wanted to do something special, they would ask when they were coming over, so we could all do it together. That's just how they were raised.


Quoting VintageWife:

Sounds like they "won" so to speak. They throw a fit and now they get to do really fun things one-on-one that their brother or your kids don't get to do because they've taken up the car and resources. At least they are old enough that they'll be in college soon! I'd not like this arrangement.

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ambie25
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:31 PM
Oh my goodness, yes they can. We had so many comtemps against her for not letting us have the kids, talk to the kids, etc. She had a contempt on him for talking to the kids for too long, when she did allow him to talk. Yes, for talking to long. It would of never flew in court. Anyways, we all gave up our contempts to do right by the kids. Well, she's already back to her old ways and we have to bend over backwards because he signed a paper, saying he would. Grrrrrr. It's frustrating


Quoting smilesmile:

Mediators can be annoying.


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Shaybay218
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 5:32 PM

bump

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