Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

30 Something Moms 30 Something Moms

Middle School Girls....'nuff said.

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 10:15 PM
  • 13 Replies

 I will try to make this story short but I need some advice.  My daughter was best friends with a girl from school for over a year.  They did everything together.  Her friend came to our house and she just fit right in with our family and our daughter would go to her house and they treated her just like family.  Suddenly, there was some concerned phone calls from the girls' mom saying that my daughter was bullying her, such as saying she wouldn't be her friend if she didn't do what she wanted.  So I had a long talk with my daughter about how we can't control other people and that we shouldn't even try to.  After all, if we are forceing someone to be our friend, then do we really have one?  Anyway, both girls liked to sing and were really good at it so they started going to singing competitions.  When this started, I noticed mom of the other girl pulling her away from my daughter.  Then after a while, my daughter called her friend a bad name in a text message.  She got into big time trouble and just got her texting privelages back a month ago, after not having them for almost a year!!  Her and her friend were fine though, even after the texting incident and then all of a sudden, the friend texts me saying that she can't be friends with only one person and that she has other friends.  I just told her that I hoped they worked it out and had another talk with my daughter.  At this point, the mom of the friend won't discuss it with me.  Now almost a year has gone by and the friend has cut herself out of my daughter's life completely.  It hurts me because I see my daughter hurting.  She seems to have no friends and I talk to her A LOT about the importance of giving people space and respecting others.  So my question (sorry for the long intro) is: Should I attempt to make contact with the mom again and try to work this out since her and I are sort of friends too?  I guess the momma bear in me is just upset that someone is blocking my daughter out and won't explain why or give another chance or anything.  Help me out here ladies, am I crazy?

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 10:15 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Shaybay218
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:00 PM

Just Leave it alone...it obvious they don't want to be apart of your lives anymore...next time your daughter gets a friend she needs to realize she to let people be their own boss not boss them around...

mom2klca
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:23 PM

I have been on the other side, in situations like this (assuming I'm reading into your situation the right way). My DD has a few friends who get jealous if she has other friends. They seem like very nice girls but I tell my DD to ignore their jealousy and be friends with who she gets along with. There are a few friends whom she doesn't talk to as much anymore because of it.

To answer your questions, no, of course you're not crazy! You just want your daughter to be happy, which makes you a good mom. At the same time, the friend's mom wants her daughter to be happy too and she shouldn't have to force her daughter to be friends with someone who makes her unhappy. It is a huge turnoff when a friend acts that way.

Has your daughter expressed her feelings to you about WHY she acted that way? As far as reaching out to the other mom, it depends on your relationship with her and what you would like to accomplish by contacting her. Do you want an explanation or do you just want your daughter's to be friends again?

tattooedmama218
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 12:38 AM
2 moms liked this
Dont push it...girls at this age are already having a tough time the last thing they need is their mothers fighting their battles for them...i know it sucks but sometimes we need to take a backseat in our childrens lives.
Marimaru
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:25 AM

I would guess your daughter probably has a better idea of what's going on.  Also, if your friend doesn't have many other friends, it's possible that she told her friend she wasn't 'allowed' to have other friends and that caused a rift.  I had a friend around that age who got mad when I had another friend.  I don't recall if she was talked to by any of the grown ups, but there was a point at which I had to tell her that I was going to have my other friend too, and that if she didn't like it, I wasn't going to just ditch my other friend, so it would be her that I would see less.

If you want to reach out to the other mom to stay friends with her that's one thing, but I don't really think you should insert yourself to try to save the friendship between the two girls.

TableforSeven
by Judy on Jun. 29, 2012 at 7:03 AM

I would leave the other girl and her mother alone.  Work with your daughter on proper relationships...and how to treat others.  Hopefull, by the time the next school year starts your daughter will be better at relationships and how to treat others (it really sounds like you daughter is mean to those 'close' to her....therefore cutting herself out of other people's lives).  You can't force people to be your daughter's friends....just like you told her she ca't force someone to be her friend.  Your daughter needs to do some serious soul-searching and work on herself before anyone will want to be her friend.

e-doolittle
by Kelly on Jun. 29, 2012 at 7:13 AM
Well said

Quoting tattooedmama218:

Dont push it...girls at this age are already having a tough time the last thing they need is their mothers fighting their battles for them...i know it sucks but sometimes we need to take a backseat in our childrens lives.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Rach-2
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 1:54 PM

I think that your daughter may have some insecurity/personal issues. Some times as parents we tend to want to "fix" everything for our children, which makes sense because he want our children to be happy. I think you should give the other girl and her mother some time, maybe send her a nice text letting her know that  you are available when she is ready to talk...

Best wishes!!!

mommybug77
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 1:57 PM
No, going to someones mom is not the way to go. Let the girls grow apart and do their own thing. No explanation is needed nor owed.
smushy79
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:20 PM

 

Quoting Rach-2:

I think that your daughter may have some insecurity/personal issues. Some times as parents we tend to want to "fix" everything for our children, which makes sense because he want our children to be happy. I think you should give the other girl and her mother some time, maybe send her a nice text letting her know that  you are available when she is ready to talk...

Best wishes!!!

 

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:50 PM


Quoting TableforSeven:

I would leave the other girl and her mother alone.  Work with your daughter on proper relationships...and how to treat others.  Hopefull, by the time the next school year starts your daughter will be better at relationships and how to treat others (it really sounds like you daughter is mean to those 'close' to her....therefore cutting herself out of other people's lives).  You can't force people to be your daughter's friends....just like you told her she ca't force someone to be her friend.  Your daughter needs to do some serious soul-searching and work on herself before anyone will want to be her friend.

I agree with this. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN