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He doesn't want a second child....

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My SO and I have been together for 4 and 1/2 years and we have a 2 and 1/2 year old DD. We are getting married in 3 weeks. We have been talking about having another child for a year now. We have moved to another state so he could take a better job (we just moved about 3 months ago). Lastnight he told me that he has decided that he does not want anymore children. I am devestated! I have always wanted at least two children. We have talked about names and even started looking for a bigger home. And now he says no. I feel like he is being unfair. I moved for him, we have no family or friends here. I will even have to changes careers to able to find work  where we are now. I have given up so much already and I feel like I should not have to give up this.

I feel that if i marry him that I would be sealing that fate and I would end up hating him. I am very confused about everything now.

by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 11:17 AM
Replies (41-50):
rocamom
by Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 7:36 AM

Is he really stressed about money right now or something??  I wonder what changed his mind? I would sit down and have an open heart conversation about it.  If you REALLY want more kids and he is 100% saying he doesn't then sadly I think you both need to go in separate directions..  GOOD LUCK!!!!

brrmom81
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 7:45 AM

 You are right you would resent him. I heard a simular story on Dr. Phil once and he told the husband that if it is that important to his wife that they have another child then he should do it out of love for her.

pinkdaisy8864
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 7:50 AM

I get the vibe that there is a reason behind his change of heart. Talking in depth about why he doesn't more kids would probably reveal his reasoning. Maybe it can be something you can work through.

dilateyourmind
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:40 AM

if you no longer want the same things, i would not get married either. Normally I give my speech about how women usually want more children than men, but women get stuck on a number and by golly, they are going to get what they want. Which leads to resentment by the husband and usually a split at some point. BUT YOU MAMA have made sacrifices beyond belief. You asking for two children, not 4 or 5.

  BUT...while your worried about your resentment towards him if yo marry, it goes both ways if he doesn't want another child. Ask yourself, how much you love him. Cause it sounds like love is not enough in your case. Life happens. it is not always pretty. You have to choose the path of least regret. Good luck Mama. I DO understand your frustration. Men tend to be selfish creatures.

MommyMays
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:48 AM

I obviously can't tell you what to do, and I don't really know much about your specific situation, but DH said the same thing for 3 years. I would ask from time to time and he would say no. He even thought about getting a vasectomy. It made me feel like he didn't like kids, even though we already had one together. I finally convinced myself that I didn't want more either. 

A few months ago, I sat down with him and told him I thought we were really ready and that we should have another one, and to my surprise he agreed to it! He said he was actually excited. 

What I am trying to say is, just because he doesn't feel ready for one now, doesn't mean he won't change his mind. If you really love him and want to be with him enough to get married, I think you should go for it. You don't know what the future holds. 

Good Luck! 

I am an all natural, attachment parenting, co-bathing, co-sleeping, kiss on the lips, unschooling, lead by example, know my place as a woman, go to church, get involved, stay at home kind of Mom. I am married to my highschool sweetheart, have one Super Cool Preschooler and one Little Angel In Heaven. Her name is Lucy.

http://immahomeschoolingmama.blogspot.com/

http://brittanyhomemaker.blogspot.com/

http://lovemylifeasamommyandawife.blogspot.com/

ttckissing

Threes.Company
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:58 AM

There is a lot of stress surrounding your situation at this time.  I don't think this is even an appropriate time for him to be making such a choice.  He needs to wait until you are moved and settled and married and his job is secure and then think about it again.  He is probably just freaking out about so many things changing at one time.

jennsmith326
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:17 AM

I am in this exact situation. My husband is being so wishy washy about the whole lets have another baby or not thing. I have problems getting pregnant so it isn't something I can just say hey, lets have a baby, it takes planning.

Me and him went to the dr and got the medication needed for me to get pregnant. Then he changed his mind. This is a deal breaker for me. If my husband dosen't want another baby, then I am done. I told him that if he doesn't want another child then he better keep his penis away from me. He has yet to do that so makes me think he wants another baby.

 

What I am getting at is, do that. Tell him you are not taking birth control anymore or whatever way you are preventing and that if he doesn't want a baby, it is his responsibility to prevent it.

tennisgal
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:20 AM

I'm sorry Momma. That would be very upsetting to me as well. 

happinessforyou
by Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:26 AM

You shouldn't marry someone who wants the total opposite of you. If you want more than one child-don't marry someone who does not. He is being open and honest here. Don't marry him thinking "he'll change his mind". It's not fair to bully him into something this important, when he is clearly telling you that he doesn't want any more kids.

Walk away now, find a guy who LOVES children and you will be much happier. :)  JMO

etsmom
by Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Time to share your feelings with him.

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