I understand that all people grieve in their own ways, and that no matter the time, distance or space, every one'sgrief will significantly differ. No ones grief is greater or lesser, and should never be viewed as such.
With my families history, and everyone pointing the finger at someone else, or placing blame on someone else, or telling lies about another, and everyone else believing those lies, I have NEVER known who I could REALLY trust. THat's an entirely different posts for another time. HOWEVER, the ONE person, no matter what that I have been always able to trust and believe has and was my mom.
I'm a Christian, so I believe in God, and that mom went to be with our Lord and reap the benefits of her eternal life. I am also OPEN to her spirit being here and all around us in one way or another.
Dad is not really into being open to God and or spirits of any sort. He's lost. He's comfortable being lost, and for some that's where they need to be. So be it.
HOWEVER, he is grieving mom like he has been married to her with her, held her hand through this terrible journey through cancer, chemo, and her eventual passing earlier this month. My step dad was the one there for my mom, I was there, my sister was there. We all watched her slowly die before our very eyes. So I'm sorry, regardless of what he would like to think and or say, he didn't know mom anymore. The FEW conversations he had with mom at family functions for my husband, myself or one of our two boys, does not count. It's been OVER 20 years since they divorced. In the last 20 years, they may have had a conversation totalling up to MAYBE 45 mins.
But whatever, he may be grieving, like the lack of resolve he has with mom, but when he said that my sister, my brother, and I are not grieving mom as badly as he is, I wanted to smack the ever living S**T out of him!!!!!
No jack a** I am. Thank you for pointing out that I have to do it in the dark, alone, when everyone is fast asleep. Or when I'm driving in my car alone. I have sought out POSITIVE out sources to deal and cope with my pain, and my grief. I am seeing a counselor, seeking support from my church, friends who have experienced the same or similar lost. I have my husband and his family to go to, including some of my family. I write my mom in a journal every day, and tell her how my day went, I ask her questions, basically talk to her. But I have two very small and very young boys that need their mother, and not some shell walking around. I want to be a shell, oh LORD, trust me, I want to be a shell. But I can't, I am still a mom to my boys, and my mom would kick the ever living s**t out of me if I just gave up on my boys. She taught me better.
So sorry dad, your grief is over 20 years too late, and you have NO right to say that you are grieving more or worst or how ever you put it, than the rest of us. When you are not. You just have regrets and unresolved issues!
Thank you for letting me vent and get this off my chest.