I'm not trying to be mean but after hearing yet another news report about a child left in a hot car, I have to wonder how a parent forgets their child?
I have 4 kids and I have always been cautious. From the time of just 1, I have always been highly vigilant in making sure all the kids were where they were supposed to be... I can't imagine just forgetting to drop someone off at day care and leaving him/her in the car. I am constantly doing head counts, making sure all are present and accounted for, or mentally checking off that all kids have been dropped off.
A friend of mine joked about a family at her church, they have 9 children. They got all the way home and unloaded when someone from church called to tell them they'd left one of their kids behind. How does that happen? My friend thought it was quite funny. My thought was what if that had happened at the local Walmart or park? You have that many kids, how do you not do a head count?
I grieve for those children that have suffered this summer but what is wrong with the parents?
That's the whole point. It's not about the importance of the item or person or whatever. It's the process of our "reptilian" memory, and how it can be "disabled" when our routine is disrupted by a change of events of circumstances regardless of the what or who we are remembering.
Note that this is NOT the case when parents KNOWINGLY left their kids in cars while they ran into a store or whatever.
Quote:The human brain, he says, is a magnificent but jury-rigged device in which newer and more sophisticated structures sit atop a junk heap of prototype brains still used by lower species. At the top of the device are the smartest and most nimble parts: the prefrontal cortex, which thinks and analyzes, and the hippocampus, which makes and holds on to our immediate memories. At the bottom is the basal ganglia, nearly identical to the brains of lizards, controlling voluntary but barely conscious actions.
Diamond says that in situations involving familiar, routine motor skills, the human animal presses the basal ganglia into service as a sort of auxiliary autopilot. When our prefrontal cortex and hippocampus are planning our day on the way to work, the ignorant but efficient basal ganglia is operating the car; that's why you'll sometimes find yourself having driven from point A to point B without a clear recollection of the route you took, the turns you made or the scenery you saw.
Ordinarily, says Diamond, this delegation of duty "works beautifully, like a symphony. But sometimes, it turns into the '1812 Overture.' The cannons take over and overwhelm."
By experimentally exposing rats to the presence of cats, and then recording electrochemical changes in the rodents' brains, Diamond has found that stress -- either sudden or chronic -- can weaken the brain's higher-functioning centers, making them more susceptible to bullying from the basal ganglia. He's seen the same sort of thing play out in cases he's followed involving infant deaths in cars.
"The quality of prior parental care seems to be irrelevant," he said. "The important factors that keep showing up involve a combination of stress, emotion, lack of sleep and change in routine, where the basal ganglia is trying to do what it's supposed to do, and the conscious mind is too weakened to resist. What happens is that the memory circuits in a vulnerable hippocampus literally get overwritten, like with a computer program. Unless the memory circuit is rebooted -- such as if the child cries, or, you know, if the wife mentions the child in the back -- it can entirely disappear."
Quoting momof3inTN:A child is a trillion times more important than a cell phone.
But I will read the article once my little one is down for a nap.
Quoting Cafe Amanda:I encourage EVERYONE to read this Pulitzer prizewinning article about the subject.
Quote:
"Memory is a machine," he says, "and it is not flawless. Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you're capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child."
my Ex once forgot to pick my DD up at pre-school ... it was his day off and he had fallen asleep, imagine my joy when the pre-K called me at work to ask me if anyone was picking her up... my sister also drove all the way home from work one day and realized she had never picked up her son from day care. I think most of these things happen out of distration. You are so focussed on something at hand that you forget. It has never happened to me, I'm the type who tends to be very over-protective. I think it's a sign that you have too much on your mind...
poor babies !
hmm forgot my cell phone in the car maybe 5 times this week.Forgot child in car-never.Guess my mind works differently! :)
Quoting Cafe Amanda:
I encourage EVERYONE to read this Pulitzer prizewinning article about the subject.
Quote:
"Memory is a machine," he says, "and it is not flawless. Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you're capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child."
Everytime I hear of something like this it makes me think that they would have to be under a huge amount of stress or just in such deep thought on work or something. Maybe on their phone being yelled at by their boss. I would think that it would have to be something extreme to make them forget. I couldnt live with myself if it happened. Here in TX you hear of it happening at daycares every year.
My husband works for a company called Pop A Lock (they offer a FREE service if a child or eldery person is locked in the car). They call them EMERGENCY DOOR UNLOCKING. When you call Pop A Lock then they also call the police/ambulance. If the techinician won't get there within a few moments then the fire department breaks the window. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard from my DH. It gets how in the central Texas summer. Sometimes its something as simple as the it's hot and you get out to check the mail box and don't realize that your car doors automatically lock when you close them. Because I was so scared to lock my DS in the car....I bought a minivan with a safety feature built in. I leave his sliding door open and don't close it until I get in the drivers seat. I have a button up front that closes his door.
My parents left me at church once as a child. For some reason, they'd driven seperate vehicles and they both thought I went home with the other. I was playing on the side of the church with the other kids and they all left one by one and I was the only one. An older couple, who were like grandparents to me, took me to their house and called my parents. I remember being upset, but I loved going to these people's house, so it all turned out okay. We all laugh about it now. I think that's different than Wal-Mart or somewhere like that, mainly because I was not allowed to go running off in Wal-Mart on my own. I had to stay next to them at all times until I got older and then it was, go get this from that aisle.
I have a brain injury.
I leave lists at home that take me days to write, I forget to rotate clothes, I don't know what I had for breakfast...IF I even remembered to eat it.
It takes me 5-6 trips out the door to make sure I have everything most days...boy, sippy cup, cards, keys, let the dog out, etc etc.
BUT. I know that my 1yr old is napping in the crib now.
Maybe everyone should have those mirrors to check your kids. I freak when I'm alone (like 2x in a year) and his seat is missing.
How was your weekend?
- momof3inTN
on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:21 AM