Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

30 Something Moms 30 Something Moms

How do you forget a child?

Posted by   + Show Post

I'm not trying to be mean but after hearing yet another news report about a child left in a hot car, I have to wonder how a parent forgets their child?

I have 4 kids and I have always been cautious. From the time of just 1, I have always been highly vigilant in making sure all the kids were where they were supposed to be... I can't imagine just forgetting to drop someone off at day care and leaving him/her in the car. I am constantly doing head counts, making sure all are present and accounted for, or mentally checking off that all kids have been dropped off.

A friend of mine joked about a family at her church, they have 9 children. They got all the way home and unloaded when someone from church called to tell them they'd left one of their kids behind. How does that happen? My friend thought it was quite funny. My thought was what if that had happened at the local Walmart or park? You have that many kids, how do you not do a head count?

I grieve for those children that have suffered this summer but what is wrong with the parents?

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Replies (391-400):
MissDavison
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 5:56 PM

Very disturbing. I don't know how anyone could forget about their child. I can't see how you could forget and leave them in a car, smh...

Scribbleprints
by Member on Aug. 12, 2012 at 12:44 AM

Another person posted this article...heart breaking, but no, it is not impossible to forget, as discomforting as that thought is.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html

The number of instances of deaths from children being left in cars shot up exponencially when they started requiring that baby car seats be kept in the back seat.  If it was just people being lazy and thinking..."Oh, I'll leave them in the car because I don't want to wake them up"  than that statistic doesn't make sense, because you're no more likely to make that choice if the baby is in the back or the front.    And yeah, people going into the store and leaving their kids in the car intentionally...it happens.  But people driving to work and not dropping their kids off at day care but in stead leaving them in the back of the car?  It's horrible.  But what's more horrible is that after reading these stories its clear that at least in these specific cases didn't intend to do it.   If they intended to do it, I can rest easy cause I know it would never happen to me.  That they really did forget that their child was there is much more troubling to me as a parent. 



kandysm5
by on Aug. 12, 2012 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I never understood it until it happened to me. I forgot my second son was in the car when I went to Walmart with my mom when he was about 5 months old. I got all the way in the store when I remembered that I had brought him with my, and ran as fast as I could out to the car to get him. He wasn't out there for more than a few minutes alone and was ok, but it scared the crap out of me. People aren't perfect. We all make mistakes. Some are just way worse than others.

chazzamatazz
by on Aug. 13, 2012 at 2:23 PM

I have 3 and one more on the way. I've never forgotten my children anywhere because I always do a run-down of what's in the van before we leave.

I have however done things like leave diaper bags behind, pull out of the driveway with coffee on top of our car or lose a pacifier. 

natalias925
by on Aug. 13, 2012 at 8:45 PM
I have forgotten my sleeping 1week old in my car.

It was a few minutes, my husband and I were leaving the car with valet parking and my mother had my older daughter with her. The valet attendant said "um something is crying in your car" .
I'm sure one or two minutes and I would have remembered him But wow my husband and I were so embarrassed/ashamed of ourselves!

That being mentioned, I can see how it could easily happen.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
htreveth
by on Aug. 13, 2012 at 9:10 PM
1 mom liked this
You know what I don't understand? The lack of empathy or sympathy in this post. All you judgemental moms be careful. You fall harder all the way up there.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
helpme5
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 7:26 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter died in June of this year.  It was a warm morning, on a day that was supose to be a high of 87 degrees. We played and were inseperable all morning long (less than 2 hrs outside) and she was so happy! She suffered from frequent fevers something she geneticaly got from me. They occure with out warning... with the flash of pink in her cheeks I knew the sign and started the car with the a/c on put her in her seat and got in. I looked back as she started to sweat at the back of the neck, and her cheeks were now a shade of red. I pulled over because she just didnt look right to me. 

I took her out of her seat and called for someone to help, a lady came and called police as I checked her breathing. She started to have her first of several sezures. I started mouth to mouth as her jaw clamped the last time and I couldnt get it open... it took 10 mins for help to arrive and I left my van there running doors open and a/c going and went with her to the Er. Her temp was 104.0 degrees as she arrived. they packed her down with ice until she was under 90 degrees. 

They treated her as though she had been left in a car... I wonder to this day if they would have listened to me if she would be here today. My two year old baby... 


WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PARENTS... I cant answer that, I know that I had the same problem with fevers and I lived why didnt she. I am one of those over protective moms... After 8 pregnancys and 4 babies and 3 making it past birth, I Was thankful for them every day... I weep at every sad story about a hurting child, and am thankful for my children every day... 

What I think... That I was there and I was powerless to save my baby, that I begged god to please take me instead. I am thankful I was there she took her last labored breath in my arms and I never wanted to let her go. 

As I dressed her with my husband for the funeral I got to see how they cut her apart, required by law to aid with an investigation. I said good by to my baby for the last time as my other children were required to stay with my grandparents when even while working I had not been child free a single day in over 10 years, my children were my strength, My life! 


I was asked time after time by police, the dr, by DCFS about her death even though I live it in my head time after time every day. There were no charges, my children are back at home. DCFS still sees us once a month to make sure we are grieving alright and to offer services to help our family.  I feel no relief about that at all because my daughter my baby my angel is not with us. We are not complete and we are not as strong as we seem... I am expecting another child we were having to be a play mate (closer to our babys age)  for our daughter. Except now she is gone... I am worried that this baby will be resented because its not our daughter, or serve as a replacement for some... 

I rather imagine that they feel like crap, that they have a hole that nothing will ever fill. That they will hold the guilt that every parent holds (even if in a different state at time of death and if they are grown  in age) that we couldnt save our baby! It is one of those things that you weep when it happens to others but you never imagine it will happen to you. Not when you try so hard, when god has taken so much away just for the three you have, when there are some with so many and dont care half as much... 

htreveth
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 10:42 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss. No one knows unless they go through it. Your post was eloquent and poignant.
My daughter died too and I still question it 8 years later if I could have, should have done something more or better.
Again I am so sorry for your pain and loss. There is nothing out there like it. We are all humans and we all do the best we can.


Quoting helpme5:

My daughter died in June of this year.  It was a warm morning, on a day that was supose to be a high of 87 degrees. We played and were inseperable all morning long (less than 2 hrs outside) and she was so happy! She suffered from frequent fevers something she geneticaly got from me. They occure with out warning... with the flash of pink in her cheeks I knew the sign and started the car with the a/c on put her in her seat and got in. I looked back as she started to sweat at the back of the neck, and her cheeks were now a shade of red. I pulled over because she just didnt look right to me. 

I took her out of her seat and called for someone to help, a lady came and called police as I checked her breathing. She started to have her first of several sezures. I started mouth to mouth as her jaw clamped the last time and I couldnt get it open... it took 10 mins for help to arrive and I left my van there running doors open and a/c going and went with her to the Er. Her temp was 104.0 degrees as she arrived. they packed her down with ice until she was under 90 degrees. 

They treated her as though she had been left in a car... I wonder to this day if they would have listened to me if she would be here today. My two year old baby... 


WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PARENTS... I cant answer that, I know that I had the same problem with fevers and I lived why didnt she. I am one of those over protective moms... After 8 pregnancys and 4 babies and 3 making it past birth, I Was thankful for them every day... I weep at every sad story about a hurting child, and am thankful for my children every day... 

What I think... That I was there and I was powerless to save my baby, that I begged god to please take me instead. I am thankful I was there she took her last labored breath in my arms and I never wanted to let her go. 

As I dressed her with my husband for the funeral I got to see how they cut her apart, required by law to aid with an investigation. I said good by to my baby for the last time as my other children were required to stay with my grandparents when even while working I had not been child free a single day in over 10 years, my children were my strength, My life! 


I was asked time after time by police, the dr, by DCFS about her death even though I live it in my head time after time every day. There were no charges, my children are back at home. DCFS still sees us once a month to make sure we are grieving alright and to offer services to help our family.  I feel no relief about that at all because my daughter my baby my angel is not with us. We are not complete and we are not as strong as we seem... I am expecting another child we were having to be a play mate (closer to our babys age)  for our daughter. Except now she is gone... I am worried that this baby will be resented because its not our daughter, or serve as a replacement for some... 

I rather imagine that they feel like crap, that they have a hole that nothing will ever fill. That they will hold the guilt that every parent holds (even if in a different state at time of death and if they are grown  in age) that we couldnt save our baby! It is one of those things that you weep when it happens to others but you never imagine it will happen to you. Not when you try so hard, when god has taken so much away just for the three you have, when there are some with so many and dont care half as much... 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cuasterose
by Member on Aug. 16, 2012 at 8:00 AM
From the time my children were born, they have been very, very vocal as in crying, whining, giggling, babbling, asking a gazillion questions, arguing, fighting, you name it, all in the car no matter how long or short the ride. It seems they were preprogrammed from the womb with the ability to make sure they are the center of it all! So it's very hard to understand how a parent can forget their kid in the car. In fact, when their too quiet whether it be at home or in the car, I suddenly panic that their choking or something and check on them to make sure they're okay. I'm so used to their constant chattering that when they're not in the car, it feels very strange.
sillyboysmom
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 4:49 PM
I think in many cases it is laziness.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)