DD3 is going through a spell where occasionally she will say "I hate ____". I think it's no big deal and tell her EVERY TIME that it is not nice to say. I explain it is nicer to say "I don't like ____" Well, last night she hates something and DH says he is going to start punishing (spanking of all things!) her the next time she says it. I asked him "Can you really make your child not hate?"
IMO It's a spin of an emotion. I don't think you can forbid someone to hate. To me that seems a little overcontrolling and I am a protective mommy. Granted DH doesn't show emotion so he has no concept of expression feelings healthy. I'm trying to teach her it can be worded better. For my questioning him, which I did in our bedroom a few minutes after the fact when no kids were present, I got a look of woman you better not question me, I am right. Yes my husband is a butt. Currently I am trying to make the best of a less than perfect situation. I am also trying to give enough detail so you guys can see our sides.
I am sure she picked it up from the DD7 who is learning many wonderful things at school this year=( She is with me 95% of the time so I know what she is into. So where do you fall on this? I would love to hear how others have handled this especailly if I am wrong.
As long as my kids don't say they hate a person I don't care what else they hate.
I don't like......
I dislike........
I am not a fan of........
I don't agree with.......
I despise.......
I don't think.......is good.
..........is my least favorite thing.
I really do no like...............
I really, really, really, times infinatey don't like.............
Get creative and try to make it fun. Maybe make a board/poster with all the different things she CAN say instead of "I hate....." Using violence (spanking) to teach "no hate" seems ignorant and counterproductive.
Quoting JasonsMom2007:
As long as my kids don't say they hate a person I don't care what else they hate.
I tell my little one all the time, you can not like your brother, be annoyed with him, wish he was on the other side of the planet, but you may not hate him. He's almost 7 and he says it less, but I think I might have to start punishing him for it also, because he'll do it if he thinks I'm paying attention. His punishment will probably be doing something nice for his brother rather than a spanking or time-out though.
Quoting JasonsMom2007:As long as my kids don't say they hate a person I don't care what else they hate.
That was my thinking on teaching her to rephrase herself. I don't want her hating people and we all know that's going to come out of it eventually so if she can rephrase to don't like meany it's not so horrible.
Quoting chinosruca:
I would never spank a child for expressing a feeling. Maybe do a time out for using the word & teach a variety of ways to express the feeling
I don't like......
I dislike........
I am not a fan of........
I don't agree with.......
I despise.......
I don't think.......is good.
..........is my least favorite thing.
I really do no like...............
I really, really, really, times infinatey don't like.............
Get creative and try to make it fun. Maybe make a board/poster with all the different things she CAN say instead of "I hate....." Using violence (spanking) to teach "no hate" seems ignorant and counterproductive.
That was extactly how I viewed it! Glad I was not looking at it wrong.
I had not termed it as a 'bad word' but I think I will. Thanks
Quoting 1214Choc:
My kids are not allowed to say the word "hate". They can feel however they want to feel...I have no control over that, but they cannot verablize that they hate something because it's treated as a bad word in my home.
I think hes a little over the top, but if he sets the rule, and gives fair
warning that there will be consequences, that's his/your choice. it's an ugly word, I cam understand not wanting i in your home. However, If that's the lesson you are teaching I think it should be followed by all family members.
is it ok ?
- Saint-sweet-t
on Aug. 21, 2012 at 12:11 PM