Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I admit it, I am embarrassed!

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 8:23 AM
  • 36 Replies

School started for my children yesterday and my youngest has a preschool friend in his 1st grade class. This kiddos family is on the wealthier side, we literally live in a tiny little country area surrounding by $350,000+ homes, and I know my son would love to have him over some time. I am embarrassed of our home though. We have not a bought a home yet because my medical bills really wrecked my husband's and my credit (where we live medical bills show up on both so my stuff went on his...totally wrong!). Between all my MRI's, brain surgery, and ect it really hurt us, but we finally PAID everything off and are trying to clean it up. We rent an old double wide and we have a very large yard, the neighborhood is super quiet and my children can ride their dirt bikes and go carts. The home, to me, is like a disaster! Our landlord is a slum lord and doesn't fix anything and we have put money into it to try and fix it up. We desperately need new carpet because it is trashed, but my DH does not want to put anymore money into it. My husband makes good money and we are fine financially, but we really cannot afford to find a different place to rent (been here 4 years) because we really want to live somewhere our kids can play on their fun stuff, and places are SUPER expensive to rent where I live. I don't think it is right for people to judge others based on where they live, but I worry the kids will judge my kids and that breaks my heart. It really boggles my mind how our society works...materialistic possessions seem to be more important than being a good person. That is sad.

by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sallij
by Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 8:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Chances are the kids won't judge your kids, but the parents will. Then again, if they'd judge over something like that they'd probably judge you whether you invite the kids over or not.

Your financial situation is no one's business but your own, and if a parent won't let his/her child play with your child based on that it's on them. As long as the house isn't a health or safety hazard, I don't see the big deal.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mumsy2three
by Shauna on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:11 AM

I feel that way too sometimes because our house is older (built in 1947) and even though it's a cute little cape cod it's getting to the point where it needs some TLC and cosmetic work done.  Most of my kid's friends live in brand new or recently built homes but as far as I know the parents don't judge, I think they are happy that their kids have someone to play.

mmeredith
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:19 AM

My dd had friends over when she went to prek last year, after they left the play date none of the kids talked to her again, I found out it's b/c the parents didn't approve of where I lived. I live in a beautiful 3 bedroom house, it's nothing fancy just a regular home that I'm very proud of. But b/c we didn't have  HUGE home with all the fixings the kids parents told them they couldn't play with dd.

mbenit4
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:25 AM
1 mom liked this

You can do play dates away from your home. Seriously though, I wouldn't worry about this. What you are living in does not make the home. As long as the inside doesn't look like hoarders you should be fine.

Don't worry about things like this because believe it or not your kids will pick up that vibe and you all have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of.

Aislinn
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:28 AM
3 moms liked this

 You are already expecting the worse. Maybe the kid and his parents really do not give a rats ass. Give humanity a chance before you deem it will do the wrong thing. You have a roof over your head and your kiddos are happy. Be proud of that. Do not let other peoples means drag you down. Keeping up with the Jones sucks, anyway.. ;)

lindilouwho82
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting mmeredith:

My dd had friends over when she went to prek last year, after they left the play date none of the kids talked to her again, I found out it's b/c the parents didn't approve of where I lived. I live in a beautiful 3 bedroom house, it's nothing fancy just a regular home that I'm very proud of. But b/c we didn't have  HUGE home with all the fixings the kids parents told them they couldn't play with dd.

 This kinda brought tears to my eyes..how horrible! I cannot imagine telling my DD that she can't play with another kid who has less than we do..that is just..WRONG and totally mind boggling. Anyway..who wants to be involved with people that raise their kids with that materialistic bullshit!! Screw them! :) 

Iluvmybabys32
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting lindilouwho82:

 

Quoting mmeredith:

My dd had friends over when she went to prek last year, after they left the play date none of the kids talked to her again, I found out it's b/c the parents didn't approve of where I lived. I live in a beautiful 3 bedroom house, it's nothing fancy just a regular home that I'm very proud of. But b/c we didn't have  HUGE home with all the fixings the kids parents told them they couldn't play with dd.

 This kinda brought tears to my eyes..how horrible! I cannot imagine telling my DD that she can't play with another kid who has less than we do..that is just..WRONG and totally mind boggling. Anyway..who wants to be involved with people that raise their kids with that materialistic bullshit!! Screw them! :) 

I am in complete agreement with you, that is absolutely awful. My daughter had her 7th birthday party here our home a couple years ago and some of them started calling her poor afterwards. I explained to her that we actually make a decent amount of money we just don't have as high of bills thanks to where we live. Plus she gets to ride her dirt bike whenever she wants thanks to where we live! Personally I would rather have a large yard than a large house, because we have a pool, trampoline, ect and spend most of time outdoors. Usually I am a person who really doesn't care what people think, but after that I started worrying about having play dates here for that reason. I even had a BBQ here for my youngest birthday and a lady while dropping off her kids said "wow I expected you to live in a big house because you are so confident"....REALLY lady?? The only way a person can be confident is if you have a butt load of money and a perfect house? UGH! It is just situations like that, that we have dealt with that makes me feel this way. I can deal with it, I just don't want my kids to. They notice how big their friends' homes are and would like a bigger house. I just lay out all the great things about where we live so they feel better.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

it is sad ... but you know what ? you do the best you can with what you have ! 

I used to live in a large prestine 3 berdoom, 3 floor, double garage house with all the bells and whistles in an upper middle class neighborhood, then I got divorced.  I went out and bought a smaller home, new construction, 2 bedroom, no garage house because it was just for me and DD and a dog and I didn't want a lot of upkeep.  Well I got remarried and now we are 2 adults, 1 kid, 3 dogs and 3 cats.  You vaccuum & mop one day and it doesn't even show the next.  House is crowded, yard is torn out.  But it is what it is ... I almost used to apologize at first when little friends came over but now screw that.  I'm proud that we own a house, DD is happy, fed and loved and is missing nothing in her life.  So there's always fur rolling on the floors and my yard (front and back) is nothing that home and gardens magazine would feature ... I'd rather spend time playing Monkey ball with DD and DH  anyday over weeding our garden or cleaning compulsively

mustloveanimals
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 11:03 AM

People are cruel. It is easy for them to sit in their large, expensive homes and judge others...right up until they themselves lose their job or have some medical emergency and then the bank takes their home. Then we'll see them boo-hooing all over the 6 o'clock news.

I am sorry you feel embarrassed. I totally understand where you are coming from. We all need to learn to be thankful for what we have, and not jealous or spiteful over what someone else has or doesn't. It is all so temporary.

I hope you and your children develop friendships with people who do not judge.

Anneliese's mompuppy

Firewoman33
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 11:27 AM
2 moms liked this

I would say a few things. First you can always meet at various parks until you are comfortable with the family. If they would judge you based on where you live then they wouldn't be good friends for you dd anyway. 

Second judgment is a 2 way street. I live in one of those large and expensive homes. I have met people who are very friendly until they see my home. Then they start acting strange and distant around me. I now only invite people to my home after I feel like we really know each other. 

No one should judge someone based on where they live. There are probably some judgy jerks out there but I'm sure there are also some nice normal people.  


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)