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How do you feel about cutting off ties with family?

Posted by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:38 AM
Nia
  • 56 Replies

I'm sure we all have those family members who are so far out you can't even stand them but because they're family, maybe you feel like you "have" to deal with them. Well, as I'm growing and learning more about myself, I'm realizing that just because they're family doesn't mean they are allowed to make me feel every kind of way that's negative! I have a cousin who is 1 year older than me and we've always been like sisters but as we got older, my life went in a different direction than hers. I left home at around 21 and went into the Navy because I was tired of partying all the time and not doing anything with my life. Well, here we are 33 and 34 years old and, she still lives at home with her grandmother and her son, working a job she hates, dealing with men who treat her like shit.To make a really long story short, everytime I have a problem and need some advice or just support, she tells me I'm being a baby and a punk and to get over it but whenever she needs this in return, I'm all in for her. I give the best advice I could possibly give and I always give her support no matter what the situation is. I just feel like I don't need the negativity from her in my life or around my children but I keep feeling bad about cutting all ties with her but then I happen to go on facebook this morning and notice that she has "unfriended" me lol. So I guess it's not hard for her to cut off ties with me. Maybe she did me a favor!?

Anyway,,,I just felt like sharing my feelings this morning. More like a vent I guess. Thanks for reading :)

by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kourtneya
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this

I have cut ties with everyone that treats me like dirt. I am much happier and do not regret doing it. You just have to get to the point where enough is enough and say to heck with it all. Good luck in your decisions.

NuttyMomma
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Hard to say, me and my sister where never close, and In our lates teens, I stop talking to her all together. By my Grandmother's Decree I had to talk to my sister again. Even Through the years since then. I Do as little talking to  my sister As I can. Even when she is in town to visit other Family members. I really Don't go see her, Unless there are Family members at a Gathering I like to see. I live in a state that the closes family member on my side is 90 miles away. I don't visit. I don't need the drama in my life. I don't need to hear the rumors, and Refuse to give them any reason to start rumors about me. So maybe you and your Cousin just need some space in your relationship. I wish you the Best of luck!

she_walk_softly
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:48 AM
My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and he has not met anyone on my dads side of the family.I cut ties with most of my family.I only talk to 2 people from my family,kinda sad but so much easier .
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MereMcM
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow...it sounds like she took an immature way out of communicating with you about how she feels with the relationship between the two of you.  Before I read that she unfriended you I was going to say...give her the same level of advice she gives you for a change...and see if she likes it.  If she catches the change, you could say, 'well this is the type of support I get from you...so I thought you might like to see how it feels.'  One of my biggest pet peeves is when you need support from someone and all they can say is "sorry" or "that sucks"...i try really hard to listen and respond with supportive words when anyone is coming to me...venting...ranting...frustrated...happy, what have you...because i feel like if it were the other way around, I'd like the same kind of treatment.  Now that she's unfriended you...just take a break...she's obviously not a good communicator.  It's okay to love your family...but you can use other methods of support :)

kranger
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Family or not, there is no need to waste so much time and energy on the people who just make you feel bad, bring you down, or add so much negativity to your life.  It's just too exhausting. Sounds to me like she did you a favor in a really immature way.

sheri305
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:28 AM

If its someone thats toxic,I have no problem with cutting them off,family or not.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:39 AM

As I got older I also learned a lot about myself and realize I don't have to put up with bullshit.  I have cut people in my family and my circle of friends ... for me there is no point in keeping "poisonous" people in my life.  I have cut ties with my grand-mother about 8 years ago and I don't regret it and have never looked back.  My parents understand and respect my decision.  I also have no contact with anyone on my mother's side of the family. it's not that they are bad people, I just don't give a damn ... to me there is nothing worse than faking it once a year at a family reunion and pretend I care. blerch !  The relationship with my sister is very basic as well, we just don't get along, we irritate each other it's always been like that.  We are cordial to one another when we see each other on holidays and birthdays and what not but this is where it ends, no phone calls ever, don't see each other outside of family dinners, I have not been to her house in months but I'm fine with that  ... I think I have a better relationship with my neightbour

thehickinhickor
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:41 AM
i cut out all of my bio family was not easy but its what's best for me and my child. i have a foster family but i don't have much to do with them either just don't know how too really
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LAUNDRYAGAIN
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 11:55 AM
You can pick your friends not family. It hurts more when its family just because of the fact they are family. I would just ease of the communication, and when she asks why you can bring it up. It may eliminate a full out war.
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maidjillian
by on Sep. 25, 2012 at 12:12 PM

I say you don't have cut off ties with her, just don't go out of your way to remain in contact.  If she calls you, you don't always have to pick up the phone. 

I don't deal with people who are negative or crazy.  My bio dad is a mess and I cut him out of my life nearly 20 years ago and my life has been so much better!  Don't miss him at all. 

I also have friends who I feel this way about; we used to be close but grew apart.  I don't trouble myself over them.  Makes life easier!

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