Need Pointers on going back to work

[1stTimeMommyKY]

Hello!  I'm new to CafeMom and I'm a new mom AND I'm newly back to work...

I have the privilege of working from home a few days a month but with that also comes some late nights away from the family.  Overall I have a very flexible work schedule which is a huge blessing. My partner has some flexibility but works and goes to school.  I'm sitting here right now trying not to dictate how she cares for our 3 month old.  I'm trying to sit at my home office and focus on work and let them figure out their own routine BUT after being home for 3 months with our child I know a few things that work and a few things that don't.  I don't want my partner to feel like I'm leaving her high and dry and that I'm letting her sink or swim BUT I don't want to micromanage every aspect either!  Well, I do want to micromanage but I'm typing this instead :)

Any helpful pointers???

[larabear1]

You can give your partner those helpful hints that you've learned about your baby, but do so with the understanding that she doesn't have to use them. You're right, they have to find what works for them. Go to your office during your work hours, close the door (if there is one) & turn on some music. You can check on them every so often, but only give yourself a few minutes with them because if you're like me you'll want to start some little project because the baby is content!
Good luck! I think all three of you will do fine!

[1stTimeMommyKY]

Thank you for that. We got through our first day just fine! I was able to check on them every two hrs (when I pumped and handed over the bottles) and during my last "visit" my partner said, "This is hard, my back hurts from holding her and picking her up so much. Does your back hurt?" I said,"Oh, only your back!? Give it time." She also was commenting on how she couldn't get her homework done while the baby took naps because she kept "getting interrupted" worrying about the babies noises. I smiled at her, looks like this will be an interesting journey :)

[Babujai]

I was pregnant when I met DH, so when I had the baby I had trouble trusting him to take care of my son by himself.  Here are some of the things that helped me resist the urge to micromanage:

1. knowing he loved the baby as much as me

2. trusting that he was doing the best he could

3. being open to hearing any tips from him if he discovered a better way to do something (or even if he discovered my way of doing something by accident)

4. remembering my own learning curve and giving him the chance to take that same journey with the baby

[1stTimeMommyKY]

Those are the thoughts that flooded my mind all day :) We use humor a lot and pick on each other so today we are both a little more easy-going after spending dinner talking about how we could do things differently and what things worked. I just love how the baby is better adjusted than we are! We keep saying, "She's a much better baby than we are moms!" She's so much smarter at this whole thing.

[kitcal78]

 When I told my ex-gf I was prego she was elated.  Unfortunately my son's father wasn't.  Long story short neither of them are a part of his life.  One my ex figured she would try to take the father's place.  The father didn't want any responsibility period.  During the time they were both helping me out it was h, e, double hockey sticks.  I was micro managing the heck out of everyone which included my family.  I was in the wrong for trying to remain friends and including my ex-gf in picture.  I same reason we broke up is the same reason we are no longer friends.  Too controling.  Now I don't micro-manage just ask my family to do one or two things if they watch my son.

[jamieharper08]

Nice to see people owning their mistakes :)

Quoting kitcal78:

 When I told my ex-gf I was prego she was elated.  Unfortunately my son's father wasn't.  Long story short neither of them are a part of his life.  One my ex figured she would try to take the father's place.  The father didn't want any responsibility period.  During the time they were both helping me out it was h, e, double hockey sticks.  I was micro managing the heck out of everyone which included my family.  I was in the wrong for trying to remain friends and including my ex-gf in picture.  I same reason we broke up is the same reason we are no longer friends.  Too controling.  Now I don't micro-manage just ask my family to do one or two things if they watch my son.

[ShaunnaMichelle]

Just tell her that if she would like to hear any pointers or tips, you'd be happy to share and then let her ask you. They'll do fine and figure out their own way of doing things too! 

[CorpCityGrl]

Give her pointers and tips, but let her find her own way.  Every parent deals with a child differently and every child reacts to a parent differently so what may work for you, may not for her.  It's good to give her advice to lay down the groundwork and so she knows what's normal for your child and what isn't, but she will have to find a routine that works for both of them.

Don't feel that you are leaving her high and dry, but rather put faith and trust in her that she will care for your child well.  After all, she loves your child just as much as you do.  Check on them every so often, but don't hover because it may seem like you don't trust her or think she capable of taking care of the baby.

Hang in there - you will all get into a routine and it will be easier.

[bamababe1975]

 I agree.

Quoting ShaunnaMichelle:

Just tell her that if she would like to hear any pointers or tips, you'd be happy to share and then let her ask you. They'll do fine and figure out their own way of doing things too! 

 

[KylesMom409]

I agree.

Quoting ShaunnaMichelle:

Just tell her that if she would like to hear any pointers or tips, you'd be happy to share and then let her ask you. They'll do fine and figure out their own way of doing things too!