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My Dad un-invited me for Thanksgiving!

Posted by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:49 PM
  • 92 Replies

Last night my Dad told me that I (along with children ages 1 & 3 and hubby) are uninvited to spend Thanksgiving with him, my stepmom, and others, because my brother-in-law and step sister planned a trip for all of them and their children, which we are explicitly prohibited from joining for no reason other than for the purpose of exclusion.  Yup, my stepsiblings, stepmom, Dad and neice/nephew will all be enjoying a nice Thanksgiving dinner together in a lovely restaurant at a hotel that we are most unwelcome at. 

I know that you might be thinking that maybe there's something about me that would warrant this avoidance, but I'm really not crazy or annoying.   :-)   I'm just a regular nice, clam person, and kindness is my mantra.  In fact, when I have planned family events I have made extensive efforts to include as many people as possible.  Also, there is no "bad blood" between my brother-in-law and step sister and I.  Actually, this recent event would make more sense to me if we had had some kind of issue or fight, but nothing could be further from it.  They all live in the same state, and they're all used to spending time together.  I guess my brother-in-law and step sister like having their family get togethers as just them. 

I talked to my Dad about it at length, and he just kept saying that he didn't plan this and that it wasn't his first choice, which I find to be a cowardly response.  Plus, he's still going to go.  It's pretty devastating to have a Dad who would go along with something like that for what is supposed to be the most inclusive family holiday of the whole year!  I tried explaining to my Dad that life is short and that I want my children to have as many Thanksgiving memories with him as possible, and he didn't disagree with me.  Though, again, he's still going to go.  Incidentally, growing up I did not see my Dad a lot.  We only became close as adults.  So if anything, he should be making more of an effort to spend time with me during holidays.   

It just feels so hurtful and crummy!  It's like I have something to be ashamed of.  Plus, I'm just not interested in all this drama!  I like peace!  What makes me the saddest of all is that I want my kids to feel loved by me and their extended family, and my biggest fear is how they will be affected by growing up in such a divisive, rejecting family.  How could anyone reject my babies like that!?!?!?!?!

If you get to spend Thanksgiving with your Dad this year, give him a big hug for me! 

Thank you for letting me vent!

 


by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
VintageWife
by Silver Member on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:52 PM
4 moms liked this
OMGosh....there is no way they'd see us for ANY holiday after that! That's horribly sad :*(
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Pukalani79
by Kris on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:52 PM

 I'm sorry.  That must have been very hard to hear.

nodramamama311
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Wow, I'm sorry. Thats just very shitty and I don't even know what else to say. Holidays are not a time of exclusion and anyone who would do that is just mean.
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lisahappymom
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:53 PM

Yes, thank you.  It does make it hard to want to spend future holidays with them - assuming I'm invited.

Quoting VintageWife:

OMGosh....there is no way they'd see us for ANY holiday after that! That's horribly sad :*(


OHgirlinCA
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:54 PM
3 moms liked this

 Your Dad has certainly shown you where you stand priority wise to him.  I'm sorry you're dealing with it.  It's not fair, but move on and enjoy your holiday without him. 

If it were me, I wouldn't be talking to my father until he apologized profusely through words and actions.

lisahappymom
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:54 PM

Yes, it was.   :-(

Quoting Pukalani79:

 I'm sorry.  That must have been very hard to hear.


lisahappymom
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this

You have described it perfectly.  Thank you for caring.  It means a lot to be heard right now.

Quoting nodramamama311:

Wow, I'm sorry. Thats just very shitty and I don't even know what else to say. Holidays are not a time of exclusion and anyone who would do that is just mean.


Katenemsmom
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:56 PM
Screw them. Plan your own Thanksgiving and invite friends to join you. I'm sure you will have more fun than sitting in a stuffy restaurant.
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lisahappymom
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:56 PM

Yes, you're right.  Sometimes when you see someone's true colors, it's not a pretty picture. 

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 Your Dad has certainly shown you where you stand priority wise to him.  I'm sorry you're dealing with it.  It's not fair, but move on and enjoy your holiday without him. 

If it were me, I wouldn't be talking to my father until he apologized profusely through words and actions.


GLO682
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 12:58 PM

 do you really want to be around people like that? family or not.

 

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