Too rough or overreacting?

[TinkFL]

Last night, my SO got up for my DS (16wks) diaper change. DS was being a bit fidgety, and SO was getting aggravated. I came In the room to give DS his paci, and saw SO pick my little one up by his legs, so his bottom was off of the changing table but his shoulders were still down, and push him back down and hold his legs while saying, "stop MOVING!" This upset me, and I told him that. His response was that he parents differently than I do. I took a couple of deep breaths so that I could phrase what I was about to say correctly and without malice. I said, "That may be so, but I don't have to like or agree with it." I followed that up with, "What you did was for YOUR benefit, not his. You were venting your anger." DS isn't even old enough to comprehend disciplining of that nature, and even when he is, I don't agree with spanking a child in anger. Take a time out, cool down, then choose an appropriate method of discipline. Again, let me stress that my son is far too young for disciplining. I am asking for advice on whether I was overreacting to my SO's actions or not. Thank you!

[mommybug77]

Hopefully it was a one time thing

[ecerka]

You handled it better than I would've. I think my dh would have been getting an ass chewing when we got back in bed. As frustrating as it can next with a 16 week old wiggling and such he should've realized that this is a baby who isn't trying to piss him off. Again you handled it great:)

[CLEKate]

It's hard since we are not there and you are giving YOUR PERCEPTION of the events. 

 

 

However, I still think that you are overreacting.  I very often lifted my boys legs way up when changing diapers in a manner in which your SO did it.  And holding a child's legs down isn't a big deal.

[Synexx]

I wouldn't say over-reacting, exactly. However, my SO and I have our first baby (17 days) and have nighttime changings and feedings when we're completely exhausted from a long day and have a very short rope. Babies are INSANELY frustrating at those times and the urge to be a little less delicate can take hold when one might feel that their limit has been reached. I say having been in this position myself for the last 2 weeks, I don't think putting the baby down a little rougher than usual is exactly a discipline and a lot better than other things he could have done. I still don't think it was right to vent on the baby, though. Let me suggest what my SO and I do. We always get up together for at least a few minutes just to help keep one another calm. Our son can really scream and it really upsets us quickly. When one sees the other getting a little too frustrated, we just remind each other to keep our cool and look at how cute he is and how much we love him. It works. Then, if we're still angry or frustrated, we talk it out together because those emotions are for adults to understand, not a baby.

[TinkFL]

See, I don't have that kind of a patience issue with my son. Any time it's occurred to me to be aggravated, I either remind myself that he's only this small for a short time, or he smiles at me and all the negativity washes away instantly. Of course, having dealt with physical abuse in the past I think I've trained myself to err on the side of being passive rather than aggressive.

[Cate1129]

I understand where you're coming from with your history, so I wouldn't say you were overreacting. However it doesn't sound like your SO was trying to hurt your baby. We all see the world through our experiences, but if this man has never been abusive in 8 years maybe cut him some slack. You did the right thing by letting him know how you saw his actions, but you will have a different way of parenting from time to time. Just make sure the lines of communication are always open.