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is it right to blame anybody for my having four daughters

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:43 AM
  • 23 Replies
I got married to the love of my life at the age of 22. Then we planned to have only two kids a boy and a girl. So we can train them well. But we now have 4 girls who I love so much,but as years go by difficulties we face make me look back to think what it would have been like if we had just two. Please I need your advice and experiences.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
shimmifairy
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:57 AM
18 moms liked this

Don't look back; look forward.....

I mean, which of your children would you give up? Which of your daughters could you have lived without? Which of your girls have not enriched your life and brought you joy? You have four beautiful daughters....even if you had only had two, or had that boy you planned on, there would be trials and tribulations....there would be difficulties both financial and emotional....That's what parenthood and life bring....It's what you do about it, how you get through it that matters....not what might have been if you had done things differently....

My advice, my experience, is to live every day....because one day those beautiful girls will be grown and living their own lives....and bringing you more joy 

TB78
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:17 AM
2 moms liked this
I agree with shimmifairy. I do not have any experience when it comes to four girls because we only have one boy but sometimes I did feel like you did when you would wish to only have two children a boy and a girl instead of four girls but those girls are your gift from God and just like shimmifairy said there will be hardships both financial and emotional with regards to parenting. I applaud you for all that you have done for your girls by showing them love and security. I sometimes wished that I had a little girl along with our son or that our son was a girl but I still show him lots of love through the frustrations of parenting him as I'm sure you and your SO have done for your little girls. Anytime you need to vent your frustrations I have found that going for walks, meditating, and confiding to your closest friends even some that are on here helps :-)
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KylesMom409
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Really wishing I didn't have to get up at 6 tomorrow. :(
Yesterday at 9:17 PM
by Linnette on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Great advice!

Quoting shimmifairy:

Don't look back; look forward.....

I mean, which of your children would you give up? Which of your daughters could you have lived without? Which of your girls have not enriched your life and brought you joy? You have four beautiful daughters....even if you had only had two, or had that boy you planned on, there would be trials and tribulations....there would be difficulties both financial and emotional....That's what parenthood and life bring....It's what you do about it, how you get through it that matters....not what might have been if you had done things differently....

My advice, my experience, is to live every day....because one day those beautiful girls will be grown and living their own lives....and bringing you more joy 

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Flaca43
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:54 AM
I think this is a great insight!

Quoting shimmifairy:

Don't look back; look forward.....

I mean, which of your children would you give up? Which of your daughters could you have lived without? Which of your girls have not enriched your life and brought you joy? You have four beautiful daughters....even if you had only had two, or had that boy you planned on, there would be trials and tribulations....there would be difficulties both financial and emotional....That's what parenthood and life bring....It's what you do about it, how you get through it that matters....not what might have been if you had done things differently....

My advice, my experience, is to live every day....because one day those beautiful girls will be grown and living their own lives....and bringing you more joy 

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kayjayjess
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

I have 4 daughters and 1 son and another baby on the way (that in all reality is probably another girl) lol.  I have had moments in time where I question, "why didn't we stop at 2, or 3 or heck even 4"? I mean all the drama and emotion floating around our house could drive anybody insane. :)  But even with doubt (never regret) I just push forward and learn from the experiences. Even though I question our decisions sometimes, I could not imagine my life without each and every one of my children. I mean, they all bring something different to my life and they fill me with so much love. Is it hard? of course it is.  If I had stopped at 2, or 3 or whatever I'm sure I would have felt something missing. I really feel I waas meant to have these kids.  My only advice is to never regret your decision to have 4 kids, just push forward and learn and love from your experiences. Is it hard? Yes, it can be, but people who only have 2 have hard times as well.

My children are the source of my strength, frustration, happiness, insanity, sanity, irritability.  They are the definition of unconditional love.

tiredmomma35
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:21 AM
Live life to the fullest and enjoy them. Be a strict but loving mom. God blessed you with girls. We have no control, or no choice in what developes in the womb.
jakesmom323
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:22 AM
I have two boys and would love one of your girls! Lol I'm just kidding but I would love a girl and want to try but two is all I can handle as a SAHM. You are blessed and God has us all on a plan;)
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JasonsMom2007
by Lisa on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:27 AM
2 moms liked this
I have had my moments where I look back and wonder what if. What if my son was normal instead of having special needs? But then I look at him and I cannot imagine my life without him. All of the struggles and such are worth it because he is a part of me now and a wonderful part of my life.
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sunflowers12
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:51 AM
3 moms liked this

well, i have six three of each i got married young and didn't plan on having babies... because i was told i couldn't have any.. why i am not sure what the findings were, but that what both my mom and i were told.. long story short i got pg with my oldest five months after we were married.. i thought it would help my dh grow up, but i was wrong in fact i have been wrong about the man the entire 22years we have been married.. he is 18 years oldest then i ok i knew that... but there's was many things i had know idea.. i feel i should have been given a heads up but sadly that did not happen..

 regardless we had our baby in "1991"  a beautiful baby girl he did not help with anything and then stopped giving me any sort of attention what so ever.. this played a large mental part for me.. leaving me feeling undesirable and unattractive to him.. 

well, as we all know time marches on and at some point the men coma knocken for sex doesn't have to be good just whatever they feel like.. bam!! baby two comes along same thing though very little care and then ended up having that baby at home!! another beautiful baby girl.. not even 7 months later i knew something was up.. baby number three was on board surprise first son.. wow big change for me dh again nothing he is to in love with him self to care about anyone else...

nine months later again!!! man i am a slow learner!! lol... second son.. that's it i said to my self no more please.. not even three years later number five comes rollin in to my life.. thought for sure no more this time but due to poor circumstances an uncaring dh i was pg once again not even three years again.. finally coming across a wonderful doc, that said let me "help you"... i said ok, he gladly tied my tubes, so i know longer had this cycle of just having kids because at this point i am sure ppl had to be able to see through my dhs abusive and neglectful ways...

so that was 10 years ago.. after i was able to be baby free i taught my self how to drive and the getting everyone in school the taught my self how to use the computer then went back to school.. sadly no job from the schooling but i still work part time..

moral of my story is slow down girl... have some type of experiences before you run off and marry the first jerk that comes along.. why are we all in such a big dame hurry to grow up?? why not take a little time be carefree and have fun and do things for us...

to me you do have to look at the past to learn from it.. remember what not to do again.. although i love my kids and am grateful for them in my life i to have to wonder what if i didn't jump out and do all this.. i don't know, but i didn't so i have to be true to whats going on now today... not something that doesn't exist.. its ok to think about how maybe more simple things would be, but regardless and know matter what there's always going to be trails and errors know matter who your with or how many kids are to come along so just deal with it and move on.. make the best out of your situation and that's it... now my kids are 21, 18,17,15,13,10 and all doing very well.. but its because of me that its that way.. whether anyone wants to admit it or not!!good

BuckeyezRule
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:49 PM
(((hugs))) great advice here! :)
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