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Teenagers

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:03 PM
  • 9 Replies

Looking for advice. I have two teenagers at home that just will not listen at all. Their dad has been out of town for the past couple of years working in another state. We see him every other weekend but I am basically a single mom doing it all on my own including working and going to school. Sometimes I feel that at any minute I am going to break. Any suggestions????

Thanks

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:03 PM
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Replies (1-9):
diaperstodating
by Angel on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:19 PM

Bump

Crisd77
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:20 PM
R they being bad? Indifferent? What? Did you listen to YOUR parents at their age? As with me, my parents instilled lots of fear & discipline early on to me & my 2 siblings. We were never in major trouble, but I was no angel. Hoping my teachings to my 5 year now instills better judgment making skills later when mommy can't always be there.
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Trust me I can relate. My boys are soon to be 18 & 16... they argue about everything. I understand they are trying to assert their independence as well as dominance over the other (it's in a male's DNA I swear).
I have been a single mom forever and just recently their dad has stopped taking visitation every other weekend. I seriously need a break and yet I get none. The other night I was "this close" to telling them both to go live with their dad... but I know that would hurt them more than help my frustration. I wish I knew the answer.. just know you aren't alone.
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clairewait
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:20 PM
2 moms liked this

FWIW, I worked at a therapeudic wilderness camp for juvenile delinquent teenaged boys for a year, and then taught public high school for 5. I used to be a very laid back person with a lot patience. I quickly learned that the laid back approach is NOT the way to get kids to change a behavior.

And, if you really want to, you absolutely can facilitate change in your kids' behavior. Successfully. Don't forget that. You deserve to be 100% respected. You are the MOM. :)

The two best pieces of advice I can give you (easy to write and easy in theory, but a little harder in practice) is to--first--come up with consequences THAT WORK, and--second--enforce them, consistently.

Even given all the extenuating difficult circumstances, you can still can, and should be able to control the behavior of your kids.

Maybe start with a family meeting. Sit down with a list of your expectations, the ones they are not meeting, the behaviors that need to stop, and a plan for changing things.

Then. BE TOUGH. And be consistent.

Life might get really uncomfortable for a while.

Don't hesitate to periodically sit down and re-evaluate, what is working, what is not, and why. (Wtih your kids.)

A very helpful book, if you have time (it is pretty thin), is William Glasser's Reality Therapy.

Claire Wait

TheUnderToad.com: fabulously witty, unabashed and shameless life commentary.

kerryanneo
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:32 PM


Quoting clairewait:

FWIW, I worked at a therapeudic wilderness camp for juvenile delinquent teenaged boys for a year, and then taught public high school for 5. I used to be a very laid back person with a lot patience. I quickly learned that the laid back approach is NOT the way to get kids to change a behavior.

And, if you really want to, you absolutely can facilitate change in your kids' behavior. Successfully. Don't forget that. You deserve to be 100% respected. You are the MOM. :)

The two best pieces of advice I can give you (easy to write and easy in theory, but a little harder in practice) is to--first--come up with consequences THAT WORK, and--second--enforce them, consistently.

Even given all the extenuating difficult circumstances, you can still can, and should be able to control the behavior of your kids.

Maybe start with a family meeting. Sit down with a list of your expectations, the ones they are not meeting, the behaviors that need to stop, and a plan for changing things.

Then. BE TOUGH. And be consistent.

Life might get really uncomfortable for a while.

Don't hesitate to periodically sit down and re-evaluate, what is working, what is not, and why. (Wtih your kids.)

A very helpful book, if you have time (it is pretty thin), is William Glasser's Reality Therapy.

Wow!  This is the best advice I've heard in a long time.  I think I'm gonna check out that book myself. 

kerryanneo
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:33 PM

Don't forget to take care of yourself, too.  I know it's hard to get away but if you can get any time to do anything nice for yourself, it can be really stress relieving.

sunflowers12
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:48 PM
Take everything they have away and tell them when they do what they are supposed to they can earn it back.. if they are older 17 n up tell them if their not going to do what needed then they will have to move out!! I have five teens my oldest two moved out two years ago.. my 21 year old is getting ready to move back in however, but she will be paying rent.. my other adult child moved to floida to be with her bf!! Not what I thought was good but at her age doesn't care about that.. she moved out at 17 because she didn't want follow the rules here... Just gotta get tough.. I did the whole back to school thing n part time work with all six at home.. in hopes of obtaining a great job.. that didn't happen all that work n crazyness my dh was right here hardly ever did a thing to help... So I totally understand...
mommybug77
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 7:54 AM
I wish I had advice. Our oldest is enough to make you want to pull your hair out. When her father was working nights I thought I was going to kill her :-)
bamababe1975
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:47 PM

 Sadly, that's teens, but what have you tried so far?



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