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Does a dirty house bother u?

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I'm just trying to figure out why I get so grouchy about it. I've just had our third child. Dh has been great. He's been buying groceries and cooking supper.  when I first got home he told ds, who is 16 to make sure I don't do any work and they tried to clean it before I got home from the hospital.I appreciate that they thought to do that. I was a bit surprised and really happy. yay! just focus on baby and spending time with dh and the kids. Of course I hadn't taken into account that the mess don't bother them. Even the gross things that need to be done. I end up doing the cleaning in between marathon breast feeding sessions (our new little man wants to nurse non stop it seems, the minute I pull him off the breast he wails. i've become his pacifier,lol. so its hard to get much done and my mood gets in the dumps....hormones maybe) Anyway, I love that dh is there helping out so much but man the mess that accumulates. He changes the diapers but leaves them layng in the floor. cooks breakfast but the dishes, food and garbage sits on the counter all day, ds and dd, make there messes all over the house and then when i am finally able to get to cleaning, I'm so grouchy about it because all I want is a shower but instead I'm cleaning up stuff that has accumulated because no one picks up behind themselves. Then I feel bad for being such a grouch over it because dh has been so sweet to me, helping with the baby and what not. he even bought my fav. chocolates and some chai latte coffee to go with it just to do something nice for me. they just simply don't see the nastiness i guess. i have to ask myself why a messy house bothers me so much. i feel so uneasy in it. u can't find what u need and i like to have dishes in the cabinets when i want a drink or something i suppose. not to mention, dirty diapers and yesterdays meals sitting on the counter, garbage cans over full is a bit on the too nasty sidefor me. that goes beyond just clutter. dh is a clutter bug too but i can deal with that...kind of,lol. I'm the opposite. I love my countertops cleared off. would u be bothered by that kind of mess or do i need to take a chill pill and realize i just had a baby, am nursing around the clock an just let the mess go. asking dh to do it seems to make him feel like i don't appreciate what he is already doing. he's on leave from work so its not like he's going to work, then coming home and doing the home stuff. i don't mind cleaning but doing the cleaning in between the breastfeeding while dh still has hours on the comp. has kind of turned into a dissappointment. I really thought I was going to have some house help. Maybe I'm being ungrateful. Hopefully not. I need to figure out why I get so ticked off over darn housework.

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:10 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 12:48 AM


Quoting GLO682:

A dirty messy house gives me anxiety. Lol I am not an over the top clean freak but I do freak out when things Are just chaotic lol

 yes, me too. I feel all out of sorts for some reason. I feels like I don't have it together or can't get my day started. I'm the same way about getting dressed in the morning. If I'm a mess (which I have been since I can't get a shower before noon and sometimes even 2 pm since the breastfeeding is taking up so much time) and my house is a mess then the whole day just feels that way to me.

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:10 AM
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Quoting nodramamama311:

That would irritate me too, if you can clean up fully with kids, then surely they can do it too. I'm sick of being the only one who knows what to do.

 Your last sentence rings so true. I feel like I'm so tired of being the only one that knows what to do to. Not just with the house but even finances,pets, yardwork and kids. It just seems like no one realizes these things need to be taken care of but me. Even when I get sick, I still end up doing something. I wonder if this ability to not see a mess is a guy thing or just and individual thing. My husband and son are both like this. My daughter though notices when things are gross. She don't notice clutter but she notices a dirty bathroom,lol. I tend to think thats the girl in her but maybe not. Maybe I'm stereotyping.

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:22 AM

I'm the same and worse.  Even after my c-section I was up and cleaning, picking up clutter and wiping down counters and tiolets. I get very stressed with any clutter or mess, for me it has to be dealt with immediately. Day old food on the counter? Dirty diapers littering the floor? That WOULD NOT happen! 

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:24 AM
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I understand what you are experiencing but the problem, in my opinion, isn't the messy house but the fact that your family doesn't share your sense of the appropriate level of neatness or how to achieve and maintain it. This happens a lot and it is usually hardest on the person who is the "neatest" who sees the problem and feels they must deal with it. I often feel that way in my family and it makes me crazy, I find it hard to accept that they don't "see" the mess and feel resentful that I am stuck with it all the time. Unfortunately while I can empathize with you I don't have any suggestions as to the solution. After almost forty years of marriage my husband is almost as bad as when we first married and to be fair he is as frustrated with the situation as I am but, if you will, only from the other direction. He doesn't at all get what upsets me so and looks at me like I'm crazy. Just yesterday I went into the kitchen after he'd gone to bed and discovered some sticky mess on one of the counters. When I asked him why he didn't wipe it up he had no idea and didn't understand why I was upset. We were, when we married, of different religious backgrounds and much was made of that and how we could and should deal with that. Frankly having different levels of neatness has been much more of a challenge in our life than religion ever at this point I have no illusions of being able to convert him to a neatnik! DAMN!

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 3:06 AM

Quoting chinosruca:

I can handle clutter in my home (not out of control hoarder action) but hate a dirty house. Dirt, grime & germs irritate me. Mess (laundry on the floor, beds unmade, toys all over) does not phase me. When I was nursing and tired all the time.....I hated anything in my way! It was a different me


My husband is opposite. He hates clutter. He was raised by hoarders and freaks out at clutter.

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by Bronze Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 7:58 AM
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My kids dont care about living In fiflth. Im the opposite, a dirty house irritate me. Im constantly cleaning.
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by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:04 AM
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Yeah, my house bothers me when its dirty too... But I know longer have any tiny babies.. so I completely understand where your coming from.. probably still adjusting to the little guy and breast feeding is really a full time job!!

Does sound like you have a lot more help then I ever did... So that's a blessing, but I know what you mean too when there's over looked things.. but do the best you can that's all any of us can do

by Bronze Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:12 AM

 I would just ask dh to kindly pick up the things that bother you.If you just ask nicely,its not being a grouch.I like my surfaces clear,too.For now though,I do let crap creep up on 1 of the surfaces just to try to get past my need of having them ALL clear.I'm doing my own cognitive behavior therapy,lol :)

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by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:19 AM
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I love when things are neat and tidy, but unfortunately in my situation my house is not as clean as I'd like it to be. I have 2 kids under 6 and a small house with very little storage space. Lots of things do not have homes and it looks cluttered because there is not many places for things. Even our kitchen is small and we can't even fit all of our kitchen stuff in the kitchen. Add toys and clothes to the mix and ugh it's a never ending battle to make the house look presentable. I hate having company over because the house always looks cluttered even when things are picked up. It drives me crazy. My kids are learning to pick up after themselves more, but my husband's mindset is that since he works long hours he is exempt from house duties and I can only do so much myself, I get overwhelmed picking up after 3 other people every single day. 

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:30 AM
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Boy, if we don't sound alike or what. Lol! I was in the same boat with my little boob man too. Never thought he would unattach long enough for me to fart, lol. He is two and a half. Pried him off of the boob at thirteen months. But as far as the house goes, I am so frustrated. I clean, it gets messed up. The kids don't care. My husband does do dishes when he gets sick of the pile up and smell. I've just learned to put blinders on.
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