I just need to vent .. and can't vent to anyone or anywhere else
I have been with SO for going on 3 years this Thanksgiving. We had a beautiful baby girl last January. We both came together with so much emotional baggage, we fought a lot, I was always doing more for our family and home.
He started working for/with his friend last year, making way more than I was yet nothing really came into the house. He was then arrested, out of a job for nearly 3 months and I supported us. He worked a job for a few months and was fired, then started working for his buddy again after being out of a job for another month or two and I supported us again.
With my tax return this year I paid both of my credit cards that got maxed out last year, put some towards my student loans that I hadn't been able to pay and bought roughly $200 worth of things for myself and our DD. To turn around and max my credit cards out again when he lost his job.
Well, I'm running into the same thing I did last year, I'm putting 100% of my crappy pay check into the house and our needs and I'm only getting his portion of the bills. We got caught up on our rent (our landlord was absolutely awesome last year and this year and let me pay what I could when he was out of a job), and now we're back to being late on rent. Not to mention this past month he said he would pay the cell phone bill if I paid the car insurance, which was OK with me because the insurance was lesser of the two. Come to find out a few days after the cell phone was due, he hadn't paid it because he didn't have the money. I was furious!!
We have one vehicle, my truck. Guess who drives it the most!? Guess who goes out on their 2-3 nights off and hangs out with friends until the wee hours of the morning blowing money they "don't have" while the other is at home tending to DD and the house. Guess who doesn't lift a finger unless bitched into doing it. The only thing I refuse for him to do is the dishes, yet he can't do anything else?
I'm now back to feeling that I am only in this relationship for DD. I want her to have her father the little bit of time that he spends with her. (Oh did I mention that even if he's slept and has nothing to do, that he still asks me to ask someone to watch her so that I can go out?)
Everything is about HIM. His priorities are so far out of whack it isn't funny. I'm now, again, thinking about leaving him. I know my landlord would work with me, I know he will, he understands that the position we were in this and last year was because of him. We rented an apartment real cheap from him when we first moved in with each other and lowered the rent on the house we are renting from him now. So I now he would offer me the same rate on an apartment. The apartment we had before turned to crap with the people living there, I would never move into those again, so I am hoping his other apartment/duplex would be available to move into. I know I can afford it on my own seeing as I would only be paying one utility.
So today I hit the wall when SO called me asking to have $2 to put gas in his work truck because he didn't have it. (Really!?!) I'm still owed nearly $50 for giving him money for a cleaning chemical for work. I have barely no money in my account as it is, I'm a week behind on getting pay and the check I got today covers the power bill I had to put an extension on this week and leaving me with some money but not enough to put towards anything. I can't take this anymore. I love him, I do. But I'm not in love with him anymore. He has days where I am head over heals for him, but those are happening less and less. I know that I would be crushing him by leaving, but at this point, I don't care. I have to look out for our DD and myself.