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need advice please

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:15 PM
  • 5 Replies

i had another yelling match with my 8yr old tonight, after basket ball practice. i called my mom to ask her what to do and to let her hear the situation ("it dont happen at my house..says my mom). all she offered was "maybe she needs mommy time" (which is hard to get since she spends all weekend with my mom and grandma and i have an almost 4 yr old dd and 6month old ds and fience has an 11 yr old ds, 7yr old dd and 6yr old ds). and "what does she have to come home to. all everyone in the house does is yell"

i got so frazzled i hung up on her so i could give my 3 yr old and baby baths. after their baths, i called my dad and vinted to him. he said he'd talk to her. he's stuck in the middle. (long story of my life!!)

i have no idea where to start with mom. she always puts me and my parenting style down when it comes to raising dd. we lived with mom untill 3 yrs ago. the first yr was the hardest, mom insisted i eat at her house everynight, but fience wanted me eating with him and his kids. she was ok with my fience untill him and his kids moved into my house (his ex left state and we're raising his kids). she hates my fience and his kids and has done everything to slpit us up. she's a control freek!!  i'm at my whits end!! i'd move out of state if i knew she wouldn't do anything drastic and my ex would leave me alone (youngest dd's dad).

can anyone offer any advice to get her off my back, but not get so mad she'll leave my life?????

oh... and she's told me she quit dating cause of me (i didn't want to share her when i was in jr high/high school and acted out) and my 8 yr old dd is acting out cause of my fience and his kids. so moms sollution is i need to dump fience (fahter of ds) and not ever have a guy in my life (like her)

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:15 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Ama2Gunner
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:23 PM
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Umm, I think all of you need to get into counseling. Immediately. The kids need to get in - certainly the 8yo. You need to get it to learn how to deal with your mom and process your issues. You and the fiance need to go to learn how to be stronger together.

If it were me ---

I would have a sit down with the fiance and discuss a real plan for the home. I would get everyone into counseling. I would stop calling my parents to vent about things that are happening in my home. I would have a sit down with the fiance and all the kids, to discuss things they like and don't like, and discuss a house plan that works for everyone - not giving in to everyone, but discussing real good and bad consequences to actions that are reasonable. And I would probably stop talking to my mother completely, if she was doing what she could to break up my family. (I actually did this at one time, stopped talking to my parents and siblings completely. It was hard, but worth it at the time.)

That's what I would do, and my advice. But really, you need to figure out what you want in this life, and what it's worth to you, and what kind of actions you are willing to take to get that. And then you have to do it. 

TableforSeven
by Judy on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Why does your daughter spend every weekend away from you?  I can see why you and she have a strained relationship if she doesn't get quality time with you.  Also - having other children is NO EXCUSE for not spending time with your oldest.

You should also distance yourself from your mother....she sounds like a toxic person who blames you for her own issues with relationships.

JasonsMom2007
by Lisa on Jan. 4, 2013 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree


Quoting TableforSeven:

Why does your daughter spend every weekend away from you?  I can see why you and she have a strained relationship if she doesn't get quality time with you.  Also - having other children is NO EXCUSE for not spending time with your oldest.

You should also distance yourself from your mother....she sounds like a toxic person who blames you for her own issues with relationships.


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USD2012
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 1:14 AM

Agreed.... cant say anymore...

Quoting TableforSeven:

Why does your daughter spend every weekend away from you?  I can see why you and she have a strained relationship if she doesn't get quality time with you.  Also - having other children is NO EXCUSE for not spending time with your oldest.

You should also distance yourself from your mother....she sounds like a toxic person who blames you for her own issues with relationships.


Bzmom1019
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:37 AM
Your problems should be discussed with your fiance, not your patents. I've learned it's never good to share things that can be discussed n stay in your home...

In reference to your child, I don't understand why she is spending weekends with your patents. I understand you have other kids including your fiance's children, but that is no excuse. Your child's attitude n acting put can be due to being sent to grandma's on the weekends.

I feel maybe you and your family (yourself, fiance, and children)should go to family counseling. If it's something you can't afford maybe sit down as a family and figure out a plan that worK's for everyone including the kids. Make sure to get opinions from the kids.
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