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Opinions needed * UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:44 PM
  • 18 Replies

So here's the situation :  My grand-mother is not a very nice person.  She spent a major part of her life criticizing and bashing others as she saw fit, we have all been through the ringer, the entire family ; my mother, my sister, my cousin, my aunt, my dad ...   Except that when my turn came, I didn't stand for it, I cut all ties because I didn't want my daughter to be affected by this poison and have not seen her or kept in touch since.  I have been dis-inherited.  She has also torn the family apart, my dad and his brother no longer speak, therefore extended family follows (we don't talk to them, they don't speak to us), only one of my cousins is a very resiliant girl and keeps in touch with us all.

Now my grand-mother is now 95 years old - she has been admitted to the hospital yesterday with respitory distress, she is affected by this flu that all the news are talking about.  Chances are, at her age and whatnot, she's never gonna make it out of the hospital.  Now what is gonna happen if she passes away ?  Honestly I have no empathy for this woman my feelings are non-existent... I won't be sad or happy she is gone.  I don't even know if there will be a funeral service for her as both brothers don't even speak.  And she hasn't been a terribly good mother to my dad either and I think it would be wasted time and money.  But should there be one, do I have to go ?  Do I go out of respect for my dad ?  Or do I not show up at all ?  

If an obituary had to be written about her, it would be something like Dolores Aguilar's obituary ... I first read this obituary  years ago and I know it's been around the internet many times since then. I practically choked when i read this as it is so fitting for my grand mother ...

http://www.snopes.com/media/iftrue/obituary.asp

 

** UPDATE ** So I received a call from my dad and my grand-mother passed away this morning.  He told me he had to go empty her room at the home and told me he'd make sure that I get a few things,  and that he's deal with the consequences  (you know because I'm out of the will and all) I told him not to worry about it, it didn't matter to me.  Then came the discussion about the funeral.  She will be cremated and there will be a church held mass.  I asked him what he wanted me to do, he left it up to me, I left it up to him, I told him that if he needed me or wanted me to be there I would go for him.  If not then I would not.  He told me we'll talk about it later.

 

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 4:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hockeymom94
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:27 PM

I would probably visit her in the hospital out of respect for your father. It will mean a lot to him. And, if there were a funeral, I would help him plan it. 

countrymomma81
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:34 PM

I'd say go. It won't hurt anything to be there for a little while. Although my husband and his paternal grandparents weren't close at all, he didn't see either of them in the moments before they passed away and he regrets it. 

You may not regret it, but I still think you should go. 

Marimaru
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:01 PM

Maybe ask your dad how he feels about it.  He's probably feeling conflicted himself, and it might help you both to talk about it.

TabM
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:14 PM

I would take your father's lead. If there is a funeral and he decides to attend I would go to support him and if her doesn't then I wouldn't go.

I think funerals are more for the living as a means of closure so I would do whatever neccessary to support your dad in his loss however he decides to acknowledge it.

emilysmom8
by Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 7:16 PM

 I would go, pay your repects and leave

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:10 AM

I cannot go visit her in the hospital - she is plagued with the flu that's on the news plus my dad is going through chemo right now ... we cannot risk infecting him even with the common cold.  My dad is not allowed to visit his mother in the hospital either.  My father knows and understands how I feel about my grand-mother. He in fact, chose me over her when I decided to cut the ties 8 years ago.  The funeral arrangements were discussed a few months ago when my grand-mother gave my dad power of attorney.  My dad was pondering what to do as my grand-mother had little to no savings, funerals are expensive and as mentioned in my above post, the family is torn apart ... how would that work ?  Who would be at the funeral home ?  

Quoting hockeymom94:

I would probably visit her in the hospital out of respect for your father. It will mean a lot to him. And, if there were a funeral, I would help him plan it. 


Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:14 AM

I think that may be the best option ... when / if she passes away ; my parents would let me know what's going on. And I will ask them point blank what I am suppose to do.  At the funeral home what am I suppose to say ? I'm immediate family but I can't receive sympathies ... I'm the dis-heritated grand-daughter.  Give sympathies to my dad ? for what ?  it's a burden lifted off his shoulders.  Maybe it'll finally be time for the family to heal.

Quoting Marimaru:

Maybe ask your dad how he feels about it.  He's probably feeling conflicted himself, and it might help you both to talk about it.


jillian_G1
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Oh wow, that is all I can say!!

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:21 AM

yes I know it's a parculiar situation but what do you think I should do ?   Technically my grand mother and I renounced each other as family ... should I still go to the funeral ? (if there's even one)

Quoting jillian_G1:

Oh wow, that is all I can say!!


jillian_G1
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

I would, and say thank god I'm finally getting rid of you, lol!!

Quoting Jinxed8:

yes I know it's a parculiar situation but what do you think I should do ?   Technically my grand mother and I renounced each other as family ... should I still go to the funeral ? (if there's even one)

Quoting jillian_G1:

Oh wow, that is all I can say!!



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