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What do we do now? PIOG

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:13 PM
  • 16 Replies

 Last night I got a very upsetting phone call from the father of one of my dd's close friends. He found out that our daughters (both 14) had taken pics of their chest and sent them to their bfs. I'm angry, hurt, saddened, scared, confused, etc. I don't really know what to think or do. I talked to her last night and she is really upset about the whole thing. She said that the boy pressured her into and she really didn't want to do it. She said that she broke up with him last week because of the way she felt about what she did and that she hasn't been able to sleep well. I'm torn on what to do. I want her to learn from this so she never does it again but I also feel bad for her. It's breaking my heart! I just don't know what to do.

This is what I've done so far:

1) I have taken her phone and nook away.

2) She doesn't have any computer privileges.

3) Disabled her facebook and changed her password for fb and gmail so she can't activate it from school.

4) She has to wait to get her drivers permit. (wait time undetermined)

5) I'm getting the boy's info so I can talk to his parents.

6) I'm finding info to educate her on the dangers of sexting. (need more links)

I'm open to suggestions. If anyone has went through something similar or has ideas I haven't thought of, please let me know. Thank you in advance!

by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Honestly I wouldnt talk to thr boys parents. It's done and over. She broke up with him already.You need to work on building your ddaughter's self esteem so she doesn't fall into being pressured. It could have been a lot worse than a picture
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tnmommy5
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:23 PM

 I wanted to talk to his parents so he would know that it's illegal and hopefully save another girl from going through this. I'm still debating it. I'm working on her esteem and it's much better than in years past but not where it needs to be. Thanks

Quoting conniejo75:

Honestly I wouldnt talk to thr boys parents. It's done and over. She broke up with him already.You need to work on building your ddaughter's self esteem so she doesn't fall into being pressured. It could have been a lot worse than a picture

 

jillbailey26
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:27 PM
2 moms liked this

Inform her that once something like that is out there, she can't get it back.  Tell her how precious she is, how precious her body is, and that she shouldn't be afraid to stand up for herself.  That if she doesn't want to do something, she doesn't have to.  Ask her if she would rather do something like that to please someone else, only to be disappointed in herself and regret it.  Or not do something like that, please herself and cut ties with someone who would try to make her do things she doesn't want to.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

jillbailey26
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:28 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting conniejo75:

Honestly I wouldnt talk to thr boys parents. It's done and over. She broke up with him already.You need to work on building your ddaughter's self esteem so she doesn't fall into being pressured. It could have been a lot worse than a picture

His parents need to know that he's pressuring girls.  His phone and other privileges should be taken away too.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:35 PM
At 14... pressuring could be just he asked her and she felt she had to because she liked him. I have boys and honestly I have taught them about respecting girls. But I would be more worried about the girl that did it than about a teenage boy asking to see boobs. I agree this is a serious matter and maybe it is a double standard but I stand by what I said. My focus would be on the girl.



Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting conniejo75:

Honestly I wouldnt talk to thr boys parents. It's done and over. She broke up with him already.You need to work on building your ddaughter's self esteem so she doesn't fall into being pressured. It could have been a lot worse than a picture

His parents need to know that he's pressuring girls.  His phone and other privileges should be taken away too.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tnmommy5
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:36 PM

 I'm already thinking of things like this to say. Thank you for giving me better wording for it. I talked a little last night but we were all so upset that I had her go to bed and get some rest. We will talk more after school.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Inform her that once something like that is out there, she can't get it back.  Tell her how precious she is, how precious her body is, and that she shouldn't be afraid to stand up for herself.  That if she doesn't want to do something, she doesn't have to.  Ask her if she would rather do something like that to please someone else, only to be disappointed in herself and regret it.  Or not do something like that, please herself and cut ties with someone who would try to make her do things she doesn't want to.

 

tnmommy5
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:38 PM

 Actually she said that  he asked her repeatedly and she said "No" over and over and he wouldn't stop hounding her about it.

Quoting conniejo75:

At 14... pressuring could be just he asked her and she felt she had to because she liked him. I have boys and honestly I have taught them about respecting girls. But I would be more worried about the girl that did it than about a teenage boy asking to see boobs. I agree this is a serious matter and maybe it is a double standard but I stand by what I said. My focus would be on the girl.



Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting conniejo75:

Honestly I wouldnt talk to thr boys parents. It's done and over. She broke up with him already.You need to work on building your ddaughter's self esteem so she doesn't fall into being pressured. It could have been a lot worse than a picture

His parents need to know that he's pressuring girls.  His phone and other privileges should be taken away too.


 

jillbailey26
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Wouldn't you want to know if your son was talking/pressuring girls into showing themselves to him?

Quoting conniejo75:

At 14... pressuring could be just he asked her and she felt she had to because she liked him. I have boys and honestly I have taught them about respecting girls. But I would be more worried about the girl that did it than about a teenage boy asking to see boobs. I agree this is a serious matter and maybe it is a double standard but I stand by what I said. My focus would be on the girl.



Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting conniejo75:

Honestly I wouldnt talk to thr boys parents. It's done and over. She broke up with him already.You need to work on building your ddaughter's self esteem so she doesn't fall into being pressured. It could have been a lot worse than a picture

His parents need to know that he's pressuring girls.  His phone and other privileges should be taken away too.




"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

jillian_G1
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

If she still has the texts, and it shows him pressuring her to do it, you can tell his parents you are gonna press charges on him for sexual harassment or sexual bullying. 

jillbailey26
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I think this is the kind of stuff you have to keep talking with her about.  Not that you're not doing that, but reiterate it as much as you can.  Just a simple "be your best today" before she goes to school or a "be yourself."  Things like that.  

Quoting tnmommy5:

 I'm already thinking of things like this to say. Thank you for giving me better wording for it. I talked a little last night but we were all so upset that I had her go to bed and get some rest. We will talk more after school.

Quoting jillbailey26:

Inform her that once something like that is out there, she can't get it back.  Tell her how precious she is, how precious her body is, and that she shouldn't be afraid to stand up for herself.  That if she doesn't want to do something, she doesn't have to.  Ask her if she would rather do something like that to please someone else, only to be disappointed in herself and regret it.  Or not do something like that, please herself and cut ties with someone who would try to make her do things she doesn't want to.

 



"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

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