Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

30 Something Moms 30 Something Moms

Am I doing the right thing for my son? **UPDATE IN RED**

Posted by   + Show Post

 My son is 10 and is in a Group doing Odyssey of the Mind (if anyone doesn't know what it is, it's a group of 7 kids who make up a skit out of a "problem" they choose and go up against other schools from an area and compete). The last 3 weeks my son has basically been coming home crying that he is being teased by all 6 kids. It apparently started 2 weeks ago when they were at a house the kids (except mine) were picking on this one other child but when my son stepped up and stuck up for his friend they started in on him, including the one he stuck up for. Now I have volunteered with all these kids without their parents around and I know my son is no angel but a couple of these boys and one of the girls are bad apples.

They have only 5 weeks before this competition is suppose to happen my son said he wanted to quit. Hubby and I were ok with it at first but the more I thought about it the more I thought it was a bad idea. I said to my Husband "What if they can't find a replacement? Then he will be made fun of at school because these kids are going to be upset after all this work they couldn't compete. Then what can we do? We can't trade his schools again (we took him out of Public and put him in this Charter School) and we definately can't homeschool, which we wouldn't do in the first place. My Husband said he is going to sit in on the meeting this weekend to see if anything happens, only problem with the competition only 5 weeks away they are going to have a lot more practices after school on Thurs and Friday. Hubby and I can't be there for those. I told him just to try it one more week and if they give him problems we will talk to the parents ourselves, which we have been trying not to do and letting my son try to handle it himself.

I know my son has a temper and he is very sensitive and wears his heart on his sleeve, he needs to learn to stand up for himself and if it gets worse needs to talk to a parent. When he told me about the first time I told him there is nothing i can do since I was not there, he should have told the parent when it was happening if the kids wouldn't stop. Now I feel like a horrible Mom for making him go through with this and I'm afraid if I call these parents I am going to look like "that Parent" that feels my kid has done nothing wrong.

Would you keep him in or would you pull him out? Please don't lecture me about the bullying, my son has bullied other kids and I put him in his place.

**UPDATE**

My son had his weekly Odyssey Meeting Thursday so I left work early to go pick him up. I went to talk to one of the Moms when I went to get him and she came up to me and said right away "I am so sorry." I said "For what?" She said "My daughter told me that she heard Wayne (my son) talking to another kid about wanting to quit Odyssey but you want him to stick it out although they have been teasing him." She said "I did not know anything about it and the first thing we did when we sat down is that I talked to them all about one of the kids talking about quitting due to overly teasing and asked if they wanted anyone to leave and if so they needed to realize we will be done with the group and we aren't going to the competition." I just smiled and Thanked her and I got my son and he was smiling from ear to ear. I asked how practice went and he said great none of the kids picked on him and they all apologized for being mean.  That made me so happy to hear it. She also told Wayne that next time he needed to speak up right away or else she can't do anything to rectify the situation. Now all we need to do is fine one more Judge or else they won't be able to do the compition anyways.

I wish I could volunteer but right now we are on Mandatory OT at work and require to work at least 3 hrs on Saturdays and we have to do a training in order to be a judge and if I have OT I can't do the training so I am hoping one of the Dad's step up. My Hubby cant because he still doesn't know if he can make to the competition since he will be in Rochester NY for the week :(


Owner of Groups:


http://www.cafemom.com/group/114224  May 2005 Kids


http://www.cafemom.com/group/114223 September 2002 kids


http://www.cafemom.com/group/116341 Once Upon A Time (TV Series)

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:11 PM
Replies (11-16):
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by New Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you are doing the right thing.  You are absolutely right: He needs to learn to stick up for himself and how to work with people who aren't being nice.

I would keep a close eye on things.  It is very possible these kids will move on to a new target soon enough, and your son might join the picking this time.  Or, if he starts to get overly distressed or upset, it might be best to teach that lesson another day.

But for now, he's been picked on and wants to quit.  He can't quit every time life gets hard.  First he should try to solve the problem, as in telling an adult while it is happening, getting thicker skin, or finding a replacement for himself.

You also said the teasing doesn't start until they go out to play, and he wants to go play.  I would advise the other parents to keep a closer eye on the kids during play, too.

Marimaru
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't want to come of bashy, but here's kind of what it sounds like to me:  You say that you want your son to learn to stick up for himself, but say that you yourself don't like confrontation.  So, it sounds like you are avoiding the confrontation and putting the responsibility on your son to stick up for himself.  At 10, I would say that he's still at an age where it's appropriate for you to speak to the other parents envolved if there is an issue.  

As for the team thing... if you've exhausted all options to get the bullying to stop (which you haven't), and it doesn't stop, pull him from the team and don't make him go.   If the team can't go because of that, they should have been nicer to their teammate.

JuicyRedTomato
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:53 PM

I agree. You can't expect your child to demonstrate something that you, yourself aren't willing to model. My child's treatment would be the foremost concern, not the continuity of the project.


Quoting Marimaru:

I don't want to come of bashy, but here's kind of what it sounds like to me:  You say that you want your son to learn to stick up for himself, but say that you yourself don't like confrontation.  So, it sounds like you are avoiding the confrontation and putting the responsibility on your son to stick up for himself.  At 10, I would say that he's still at an age where it's appropriate for you to speak to the other parents envolved if there is an issue.  

As for the team thing... if you've exhausted all options to get the bullying to stop (which you haven't), and it doesn't stop, pull him from the team and don't make him go.   If the team can't go because of that, they should have been nicer to their teammate.



LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:23 PM
You are both correct I guess I will be making some phone calls to the parents tomorrow regarding my concern and letting them know he is considering quitting. Maybe they will want him to and have another child lined up. They only decided to let him do it because his Teacher highly recommended him to be a part of it since he has a great imagination and art skills.

Quoting JuicyRedTomato:

I agree. You can't expect your child to demonstrate something that you, yourself aren't willing to model. My child's treatment would be the foremost concern, not the continuity of the project.



Quoting Marimaru:

I don't want to come of bashy, but here's kind of what it sounds like to me:  You say that you want your son to learn to stick up for himself, but say that you yourself don't like confrontation.  So, it sounds like you are avoiding the confrontation and putting the responsibility on your son to stick up for himself.  At 10, I would say that he's still at an age where it's appropriate for you to speak to the other parents envolved if there is an issue.  

As for the team thing... if you've exhausted all options to get the bullying to stop (which you haven't), and it doesn't stop, pull him from the team and don't make him go.   If the team can't go because of that, they should have been nicer to their teammate.




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LuvHugs429
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:12 AM
Bumping for update.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Pukalani79
by Kris on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM

 I'm glad things worked out!

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN