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Is there such a thing as too much stucture?

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:55 AM
  • 8 Replies

Hello Moms! My name is Morgan and I am the proud mom of a 5 year old and 1 year old. I joined the site just to have a place to go when I'm feeling the pressure and stress of being a stay at home mom and to find new friends go to friends on parenting advice. I recently had a stressful conversation with my father who stated that I am too hard on my five year old and that I need to losen up on the structred time I set up for him. He said that my he acts like a robot sometimes and is not free to express himself or find his own intrests. I agree that I do lay out a lot of structured time for my son and he is very well disaplined, but at the same time he is well rewarded for his effort. My intention is to bring him up with a strong foundation, so that when the time comes, I can trust that he will make good decisions for his life. It was just a hurtful conversation with my dad and it bothers me that he feels this way about my parenting. Just wanted to know if anyone else have these concerns with thier family or friends?

by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 11:55 AM
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Replies (1-8):
HondaMom82
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:05 PM

BUMP!

TableforSeven
by Judy on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Structure is good.....as long as it isn't too controlling of your life.  There should always be 'wiggle room'.

While teaching him to respect a structured life - you must also teach him how to prepare for the unexpected and the 'different' because life is never perfect....you have to be able to adapt.

kblpooh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:39 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree with this. If you provide too much structure and control your son won't learn how to make decisions on his own, learn from mistakes etc. I have I friend whose parents controlled everything and now as an adult she struggles with making her own decisions and often seeks validation from others when she does make decisions. Allowing for choices and room to make mistakes to grow and learn are the key.


Quoting TableforSeven:

Structure is good.....as long as it isn't too controlling of your life.  There should always be 'wiggle room'.

While teaching him to respect a structured life - you must also teach him how to prepare for the unexpected and the 'different' because life is never perfect....you have to be able to adapt.


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HondaMom82
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:47 PM

Thanks Moms....

This IS a different way for me to think about this. I for sure want him to be able to make decisions for himself. I have to remind myself that I'm not always going to be here to tell him what to do.

Deep breath.... let go....

kitty8199
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes there is. I'm a prime example. When I turned 18 I left and went buck wild.
I was so controlled I broke free and did what I wanted just bc I could.

You can't learn from your mistakes if you're not allowed to make them
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Cecelia712
by Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this
In my experience, the one who act out in school or as they get older are the ones who had too much structure and too many rules. Of course they need some structure and rules, but being too controlling is never good either.
As others have said, you can't control the real world, so when they get out there it could be harder for them. All kids need time to simply be kids.
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HondaMom82
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:03 PM

Yeah, I think I am using the word "strucure" instead of calling what it really is "control". I need to step back a bit and let him decide more things for himself. He is a very creative kid and has a wild imagination, so now I think I just need to let him run with it. He is a seperate person and I can't force him to be exactly like me/ or his dad for that matter.... !

Again, Thanks guys!! Loving this advise

saltlifemama
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 1:45 PM

In everything find moderation. Kids need routine and structure yes but they also need to be able to "color outside" those lines from time to time. If you try to control every aspect it almost never turns out well.

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